‘Salumpuwit,’ GMA’s ‘trangkasong ibon’ and other horrors

I think – tide turning – see, as I remember – I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of – it’s easy to see a tide turn – did I say those words? – US President George W. Bush, asked if the tide was turning in Iraq, June 14, 2006

The quality of our thoughts is bordered on all sides by our facility with language. – J. Michael Straczynski

The Philippines badly needs better English fluency, so I urge GMA-7 (led by Yale-educated Atty. Felipe "Henry" Gozon), ABS-CBN 2 (led by Harvard-educated Eugenio "Gabby" Lopez III) and ABC-5 (led by Stanford-educated Antonio "Tony Boy" Cojuangco) to immediately cease and desist in translating American TV shows/films into Tagalog!

I’m still upset that the major TV stations a few years ago switched primetime newscasts to Tagalog. Up to now, I still can’t understand the news anchors proclaiming their reports as "nagbabagang balita." Since "baga" refers to "lung," are they giving us "pneumatic" or "hot air" news, whatever that means?

I salute the guts and common sense of President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo for upholding better English-language education, in defiance of left-wing radicals whose party-list legislators in 2003 even tried to push Filipino as the primary medium of instruction nationwide.

I’m not against Filipino per se, but I’m all-out for better English in this era of globalization, call centers and business process outsourcing, which can enrich the Philippine economy. It’s also an incontrovertible fact that one reason there are eight million dollar-earning overseas Filipino workers (OFWs) is our traditional English edge.

Once, while attending a Nikkei conference on Asia’s future in Tokyo, I couldn’t forget Singaporean statesman Lee Kuan Yew’s blunt speech. He berated the Japanese political, business and media elite for the edge that their nation had lost to the US in Internet innovations since their English level was worse than that of North Korea. Lee noted there are zillions of information sources on the Internet written in the English language.

Filipino Language Policy Is Anti-Masses – No To Purists!

Not only do I accuse the leftists of being anti-masses in trying to do away with English-language education and thus deprive the poor of the chance to work overseas, I’m also opposed to Tagalog purists who, since the 1960s, have tried pushing their version of Filipino. I could never stomach their awful translations, such as calling a chair "salumpuwit" or literally a "buttocks catcher," instead of "silya," based on the Spanish word "silla."

What’s wrong with embracing foreign words into Filipino? Even the patriotic Japanese have allowed Nippongo to adopt thousands of Chinese "kanji" words and lots of Western terms. Here are some purist Tagalog words that I hope will not be inserted into our Filipino lexicon in the future, please!

Salimpapaw for airplane – please just use "eroplano"

Talatinigan or talasalitaan for dictionary – please just use "diksyonaryo"

Laruang paaralan for kindergarten – why not just retain "kindergarten"?

Sipnayan for mathematics is so convoluted and will turn off kids from math!

Kabatas for policeman sounds like "patatas" or "potato" and rhymes with "balasubas"!

Katiktik for detective sounds hilarious and like a dirty-sounding word – I’m sure the criminals would die from laughing!

Aputiktik for detective sergeant is just so horrendous! It rhymes with "butiki" or "lizard."

Apukabatas for sergeant sounds like a new chieftain for the Abu Sayyaf gangsters!

Buntala for planet will bore kids away from pursuing a science education.

Tumpak for "correct" doesn’t sound nice and seems too emotionally high-strung.

Talulot for flower petals sounds so "mabantot." Why not another nice-sounding word?

Suysuyin for research sounds so boring. Why not just use "research" as in "mag-research na tayo"? Even the Tagalog word "saliksik" is a bit better-sounding.

Sipiin for copy doesn’t sound nice, just use the "kopyahin" or better yet "i-xerox na lang"!

Salawal for trousers or underwear sounds so unfashionable.

Datapwat for "but" should just give way to "subalit," "ngunit" or the Spanish "pero."

Dagitan is supposed to mean electricity. For goodness sake, let’s just use "kuryente"!

If any reader can e-mail me the meanings of these Tagalog words – "dagitab," "kampupot" or "talahuluganang" – please satisfy my curiosity!

Allow me to clarify to all of you foreigners reading Philippine STAR that the Filipino dish called "sinampalukang manok" doesn’t mean "slapped chicken." It’s not "sinampal" or "slap," but from "sampalok" or "tamarind." Also, "pinaupong manok" doesn’t mean "chicken made to sit"!

Last year, it was reported that Microsoft had come up with new Filipino computer terms with a translation team led by poet Prof. Virgilio "Rio Alma" Almario, Unyon ng Mga Manunulat sa Pilipinas (UMPIL) founder and literary genius. I object to some of the proposed translations, which remind me of the impractical and unwieldy "salumpuwit"!

Why these translations – "pook network ko" for "my network places," "kumpigurasyon ng sistema" for "system configuration," "kahon ng mensahe" for "message box," "lahat malaking titik" for "all caps," "panghanay" for "bullets," tagasustento ng akses sa Internet" for "Internet access provider," "tagapangasiwa ng sistema" for "system administrator," "teklado" for "keyboard" and "burador" for "draft"? I would really jump with volcanic fury if they called my computer mouse a "daga"!!!

Uphold Good English, Don’t Butcher Tagalog!

Thanks to Regina Bengco and Jocelyn Montemayor for chronicling some of President Gloria M. Arroyo’s fumbling attempts to translate her English ideas literally into Tagalog. She once urged the public: "Mag-impok ng kuryente at gasolina" in an interview with Joe Taruc of DZRH radio. She should have used "magtipid," because "impok" refers to "save" money.

Before the 2004 election campaign, GMA announced in Quezon City: "Inutusan ko na si (Pagcor official) at si (MWSS official) upang magkaroon ng tubig ang inyong mga pipa." But "pipa refers to "tobacco pipe," while water pipe should be called "tubo."

Once on her Saturday radio program in 2003 and in her 2005 Easter message, GMA said: "Napaikot na natin ang ekonomiya." She meant: "We have turned the economy around." Hope my Filipino teachers won’t impeach GMA for that!

At the launch of her election campaign in 2004 at Lagos del Sol Resort, Caliraya Lake, Laguna, GMA used "nakakalbong dagat" to refer to "depleted marine resources." But you can only "kalbo" or "denude" forests or mountains, not the sea! Even her running mate, Noli de Castro, couldn’t restrain his laughter.

Who was the speechwriter behind the odious translation "trangkasong ibon" for "bird flu" in GMA’s departure speech for the 2005 APEC Summit? The speechwriter, if there was one, should be injected by Justice Secretary Gonzalez with the bird flu virus.

My ex-economics professor GMA once said "buto ng ekonomya at dugo ng komersyo" for "backbone of the economy and lifeblood of commerce." Hmmm. This sounded sleazy when she once said "imprastrakturang mang-aaliw ng mamumuhunan," when what she meant was "infrastructure that would attract investors." Whew!

GMA must have had a migraine when she described a coup plot as "kumplot-kumplot." She once called coconut farmers "mañoñog," concocting her own Tagalog word derived from "niyog" or "coconut." Honestly, I’d go coconuts if I listed her many other funny mistranslations, so I beseech her to stop aping the Tagalog speeches of Erap or FPJ. Madame President, just be yourself, speak in your good English, promote it to the masses, and please don’t butcher the Tagalog language!

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To all those educators, parents, students and others asking where to access the film I Not Stupid Too, please contact Raymond Chow of the Singapore Embassy. Thanks for writing. All e-mail will be answered. Comments, suggestions, jokes and criticisms are welcome at willsoonflourish@gmail.com or wilson_lee_flores@yahoo.com or wilson_lee_flores@hotmail.com.