Fine, condemn the trapos. I don’t want them back in any way, shape or form. Ever. But if you don’t like GMA, as you say, how can your silence create change? Is the Filipino middle class suffering from Battered Nation Syndrome, where we know what’s wrong and condemn it but no longer have the will to fight because corruption, the degeneration of morality and the quality of our suffering have become comforting, and change – and all it asks of us – too frightening?
In a recent conversation, someone said he didn’t really support snap elections because he didn’t want Manny Pacquiao to be president. Another said, "Manny is better than GMA any day." Uh-huh, I said. He’s the guy who’s hoping to reach a settlement with his mistress, whose wife offered the same P100,000 to keep her silence. Oh, and is he the same one who gambles, and lately, reportedly held up an international flight on the strength of his hero status? Another said that woman wasn’t really his mistress anyway; they just had a child together. Ah. I see. OK. Yippee. Glad we sorted that out. Then I got the roll-eyes right before, "Come on, he’s still our hero." Right up there with Jose Rizal? I don’t think so. Roll your eyes until they bore holes into your skull. I’m still not buying it. He’s a boxer. He won the title. He’s Filipino. Great. But he’s not my hero.
It is difficult to point a finger at GMA for lying and cheating because whatever we demand of her and any president or government official hereafter, we must be able to will into our lives. I can’t quarrel with her if I’m turning a blind eye to my husband’s infidelity. I can’t complain if I’m sneaking cigarettes while my children are asleep. I can’t show disgust at any of the slimeballs in government if I have a 100 peso bill tucked into my license, ready to rub the palm of a traffic cop. I can’t ask if I’m not willing to put out.
The biggest gift PAGASA and Karangalan have given me is the inspiration to look at the ways in which I have contributed to corruption in this country. The work demands fine-tuning of my authenticity. It helps me look at areas of my life that still need integration. Just two weeks ago, my son asked when one of our vehicles was color-coded. Ice coursed through my body as I realized we use that car daily. My driver quite innocently explained that we never get caught anyway. So, I told him we would do as others do when their cars are coded: we keep them home. He nodded but his face was doing something funny. I could almost read his thought balloon. Well, at least I’m honest weird.
It’s not so much malicious intent but simply not paying attention that throws us into that loop of moral murk. Little things test us. I gave thanks for the opportunity to correct a potentially insidious wrong before my son, so that he knows we are not perfect but we die trying. And that is my beef with those who remain passive because they don’t like GMA but they don’t like what they see either. That’s my beef with people who say, "Show us an alternative." It’s my beef with people who are transferring the power of their will to others. There is no one stepping up to the plate to offer his leadership, but there also doesn’t seem to be a citizenry willing enough to fight for it.
I struggle with this all the time. During the last coup attempt and the subsequent chaos in Fort Bonifacio, I asked myself if it wouldn’t be worth something to just be there and show that I, too, demand change. What if I just bore a sign to define my presence: "Pilipino ako. Ayoko ng trapo. Gusto ko ng tunay na pagbabago kaya handa akong magbago." OK, so that’s probably more than a sign, possibly too long for a streamer, too. But all this is to express that I am seeing all the political clutter but I can also sift through it and still be crystal clear about my convictions. I am ready to do what I can when I can. I carry my sentiments and my desire for change into my life because I know I have no right to ask for something I cannot give myself. Maybe it means writing this column. Or it could mean going to the streets even if I mostly feel it is a thing of the past. I deal with it as each opportunity arises and make as informed a decision as I can. Whatever it is, I’m not just staying home and hoping it all goes away.
I have recently spent what free time I have viewing snippets of "Oprah Winfrey’s 20th Anniversary Collection." During an interview with Nelson Mandela, she asked how he had kept himself from turning bitter after 27 years in prison. He said, " I hated oppression and when I think about the past – the type of things they did (sic) – I feel angry. But you have a limited time to stay on earth. You must try and use that period for the purpose of transforming your country into what you desire it to be." I nearly applauded. We could all use a teaspoon of that. Make that a vat.
Oprah has aired several episodes on children’s causes, including child abuse. One day, a woman approached her and said she had stopped beating her children because of Oprah. She said it was because Oprah was consistent year after year. We need to be that, too: Consistent. We cannot ask GMA to leave if we keep doctoring our books and including BIR payoffs in our budgets. We cannot ask for people to stand up for their beliefs if we scurry up to the mountains at the first sign of trouble. We have to be the very thing we ask of others. If we could do this consciously and diligently in our lives, it would be very difficult to say, "We don’t like Gloria but we’re not out in the streets because we don’t like the opposition more, and the rest of you please stop being such nuisances." We would fight for a leadership and the country we desire because we are already doing our share – actively everyday.
I do want unity for this country, but it must be authentic and willed not by external forces but through an understanding and agreement among Filipinos that truth should be restored and upheld in all institutions of society. We will never have the country we want if we look to others for change or sit at home because we don’t like what we see. We need to do our share. Martin Luther King said, "All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought until I am what I ought to be."
We must take that into our hearts and look straight into the eyes of the person in the mirror. It’s time to pay attention to the details of our lives. Can you say today that you are not playing in the shadows at home, on the road, in school, at work, or in church? Please don’t say this is what real life in the Philippines is about. Don’t tell me to go hug a tree while you run the country. This is exactly what it boils down to. If you’re lying, cheating and stealing, you’re affecting me. If you’re sitting there, waiting it out and doing absolutely nothing, it’s affecting me. If you’re an Erap or Marcos crony or simply power-hungry, you’re affecting me, your children, my children, our future. That thought shakes me. The very notion that my life affects others moves me.
Our country can only change when we change ourselves, not just in our thinking but in our everyday living. All thoughts lose their brilliance when they are confined to the realm of thinking. Only our will can bring them to life in the service of the world.