She is unforgettable. She always wears the same faded yellow housedress, her feet encased in red slippers. She carries a black umbrella underneath her armpit. Her hair is short and almost all white. There is always enough time to notice that her nails are clipped and that her feet are clean. I don’t know why I do this: stare at her to get details of her life, as soon as the door is closed.
Our exchange is brief and easy to predict. She raps on the door and I turn to look at her to see the open palm. Last month, she asked for money for a sick son, last Monday, it was for a daughter’s tuition. Today, it is for lunch. I’m not sure if they are all lies, all truths, or a combination. I know the need for money is always true. After all, even I in my big fancy car need it all the time.
Today, she was angry. I was in a van and when the door closed, it did loudly. She must have felt insulted. Her eyes were slits and her mouth was more pouty than usual. I mouthed the usual words, "Patawad po."
I imagine the world she inhabits. I wonder if she takes the time out to clean herself to look more presentable so as not to come off as a beggar. Perhaps she believes her story to be more real if she presents a more respectable veneer. I imagine what she must be feeling whenever she raps at any door. I can almost feel the anticipation of refusal. I can sense the calibration of her heart when she sees the face of her intended. Do her hands get clammy when people are not so generous on certain days? I am amazed at how judgmental I can be when I do this. But I am amazed at how long this exchange stays with me. It colors the rest of the day.
Why do I refuse to give her anything, me who finds it so easy to buy another toy for a child who does not need it anyway? I refuse because I was told once by a lawyer friend that syndicates run this stretch of Katipunan Ave. Better to report them to the Department of Social Welfare and Development, he told me. But I do not, because I’m afraid there’s a different kind of syndicate there. Another friend gives food. His car is filled with goodie bags for every stop from Manila to Marikina where he lives, a traveling Santa of sorts. I did this for a couple of months but could not continue when I realized it accomplished so little. Maybe I should have just plodded on and took comfort in the fact that for a few minutes I would have been of real, concrete help. At least, I would have been able to quiet the hunger.
The desire to help my wandering Lola is enormous. But oftentimes, the guilt is much greater. I want so much to be a good person, but to do this I need to do more than give her my tira. I must teach her, as Gandhi said, how to fish.
I am certain many of us feel this hopelessness when faced with a wandering Lola, or even worse, a wandering child. I have noticed that with the Christmas season upon us the Aetas from Pinatubo come down from the mountains and can be found along Santolan. My heart breaks, as my family is from Zambales, and I try to imagine what the heart must muster in order to do this trek. I am able to sympathize as I imagine what it is like to live away from the mountains, missing all that is familiar, in order to beg. What use is my sympathy to them?
Many of us can feel paralyzed by not knowing where to begin. For those of us who are caught in our lives of child-rearing and career setting, it is easy to give in to the trap of not doing anything – believing that all we need to do is child-rearing and career-setting well. I know many individuals who are doing the best they can, in their private, individual lives; and yet, the wandering Lola and the wandering Aetas are still around.
It’s easy to feel hopeless because the challenges are enormous. One way to help get perspective on it is to realize that poverty and corruption are social sins; that is to say, they are so entrenched in our culture that it has become systematic. Although individual change is paramount in order to change the world to become a better place for all, individuals must band together to and build a system of change. One person, or even a hundred, cannot battle the evils in our country. It must be battled with a counter culture. But this battle is epic in nature, one that will take beyond my lifetime to achieve. It is a battle that requires the most courageous of warriors. But make no mistake about it, it is a war we are all a part of, whether we are conscious of it or not. Every choice we make can either contribute to the culture of good, or the culture of evil. I believe that if one becomes conscious of how one contributes individually, change can then happen. If you get to the point that you see the wider consequences of what you do, you can begin to create social change. I myself just came to this point recently and I’ve begun to make baby steps to make choices that I know will multiply in the future.
In Ateneo, you will find an organization called Pathways to Higher Education. A colleague and friend Harvey Keh runs it. They help academically gifted but financially disadvantaged public high school students gain access to higher education. Statistics show that many of our young do not reach high school, much less college. Since its inception in 2002, they’ve managed to send 500 students to college all over the Philippines. They are amazing warriors because they are aggressive in their advocacy to make education a level playing field. I bought most of my Christmas gifts from them. It is in small things, most times.
My good friend and mentor Manoling Francisco SJ just revived his Tanging Yaman Foundation. Last year when the Philippines was hit with a series of natural disasters, Manoling e-mailed and called friends abroad where he was finishing his doctorate degree, asking for help. Manoling had no grand schemes of collecting a large amount of money and yet lo and behold, through the help of the Filipino community, he was able to collect $14,000!
Tanging Yaman now acts as a conduit foundation, which means the money that the Foundation collects is given to partner NGOs and partner foundations in order for others to fund their own programs. Examples of these programs are the Feeding Program in Payatas and the Sibol-Hesus project for public school students. I pledged P300 a month for a year to his foundation. I am happy to part with this money. (After all, this amount is only equal to three cups of coffee!) That P300 in a year becomes P3,600. Multiply that by 10 people, it becomes P36,000. Multiply that by 100? That amount individually might seem small, but when pooled together can do amazing things. Changing the world can be achieved by the tiniest of steps, begun with the tiniest of dreams. It begins with that first step, the acknowledgment that the task is daunting, but that the task can be accomplished, yes, with much work, but also with much love, as Mother Teresa once said.
Another foundation I actively support is Sa Aklat Sisikat. They work with grade school public school students, providing them with reading programs, "building a nation of readers." Recently, they unveiled their new program called Gurong Kaakbay, this time providing training for teachers. It truly believes in the adage that the future lies in our children’s hands. And because they believe that is true, they are beginning to equip our young public school children to make sure they will be prepared for the challenges ahead. My small, individual experience in the classroom can now expand itself as I share it with other teachers and educators.
It is Christmas. What better time to begin this metanoia, this change of heart that beats for other people, that cannot rest until all are safely home, well-fed and well-educated and employed? In your own areas, in your own sphere of life, begin the change. Let us all help my wandering Lola find a way home.
To be part of the Tanging Yaman Foundation, call 0922-4662027 or call its landline at 426-6430 to 35 local 3623.
To be part of Sa Aklat Sisikat Foundation, call 886-3888 local 3525.