But how refreshing to be in a classroom as a student once again: to sit at the foot of such wise professors for hours on end; to be given time to pause and reflect on questions worth answering; to be nervous about preparing for reports and exams. It is such a gift to be able to see things from the perspective of an older, more appreciative of learning kind of student. (If you have the time and initiative and have been thinking of going back to school, just do it!)
But the best thing so far has been the experience of having classmates again! I am enrolled in the UP Creative Writing program and I cannot even begin to explain how happy I am. Primarily because the classes force me to write, but also because it puts me right smack in a community of writers, and to know that one is not alone struggling on the page makes the struggle all that much easier.
What happens in creative writing classes? The first few months are spent reading, reading, reading. We read other people’s works and cut them up into pieces and stitch them back together. We argue whether the author’s own stitching is seamless or faulty. We see how other writers write about the "universal things" in life. We list down different techniques used for beginnings, middles and ends. It’s exhilarating taking up notes, I swear. I always feel in these classes that I am attuned to the hum of the world’s creative spirit.
This humming should eventually lead one to writing one or two (if you’re really lucky three) new pieces for workshop. What that means is you give everyone a copy of your work and for an hour or more, it is discussed the way we discussed the earlier works of the semester. We are most serious in our work and in our critiquing. Partly because the ability to critique someone’s work serves well in our own critiquing of our pieces.
One always gets a buzz during one’s turn. You learn to try all kinds of methods to make people kinder with their comments, like, bringing food on your workshop day, or posting disclaimers at the start of the work (this is my first time to write fiction!). After a while, though, you realize your writing well relies on people’s honesty. Of course it feels as if your heart is getting ripped (not all people feel this way, I assure you. Some people live for this moment!), but it’s a good kind of pain.
And so after three semesters studying and endless writing, I decided to join this year’s Palanca Awards. I submitted an essay on, of all things, sex. I submitted a short story as well, this time on infidelity. I’ve never joined a writing contest and have no idea what would be a "winnable" piece. But I joined because it was a way of disciplining myself.
I must be honest with you though and tell you I hoped I would win. The last time I won anything was in Grade 5! I won a singing contest and the price was a recording contract (or so we were told). After being proclaimed champion, I never heard from the recording company again. I was excited to see what I would become if I became a winner. Character is built surviving loss, I was taught repeatedly; what character would be built if given the chance to win?
The first sign that I didn’t make it was news from winners who were my own classmates. After a while, more and more information came out and I knew for certain that I didn’t make it. But the first few days were exciting. I have friends who won who did not know they won till a week before the awards! So it was possible my letter had not been delivered! Every ring of my doorbell had me running to the door screaming, "Baka LBC, baka LBC!" How hilarious I must have looked to the neighbors!
Eventually, I admitted defeat. It was easier knowing it was friends who won. Mary Anne, a classmate of three semesters, won third place for her story entitled "At Merienda." I witnessed the birth and growth of this story, a family of women battling with identity and womanhood, while eating vats of suman latik. This line is a winner: "We are women of silence and carbohydrates." Many of us loved the story because of its immediacy and accurate portrayal of how women talk to each other.
Exie Abola won first place short story with "The Shakespeare Guy." We workshopped this story in class last semester and even the Greg Brilliantes predicted its superiority months earlier. His story chronicles the life of a teacher, an old relic who considers himself an expert on teaching Shakespeare. It is a prizewinner, because it is about many things. Exie and I have been friends for almost 15 years and he’s been writing for as long as I’ve known him. He is a writer’s writer – the kind who is able to string together disparate facts and make them whole. We buoy each other up. When I told him I was sad I didn’t make it, he assured me that winning gave one a buzz, but the struggle to write every day remained the same. This is his second Palanca first prize!
Last week, Mary Anne and Exie threw a party for their classmates and professors as a way of thanking us, but also just providing a chance to catch up on our writing lives. I must admit I was not that keen on going – partly my hermit crab mentality, partly my insecurity, but friendship won over. Mary Anne brought suman latik and Exie took out his Norton Shakespeare in honor of their pieces. Jimmy Abad, Jing Hidalgo and Butch Dalisay, professors extraordinaire, were in attendance as well. These are the very best teachers in writing I’ve ever had. It is a rare thing to be a good writer and good teacher, I am told.
We talked about our plans for the future, made kumusta other classmates we had not seen in a while. It is a comfort to know that literature is alive and well in our country, despite the crazy goings on (my lola called this go-ons for the double entendre). Many of us are involved in various writing projects whether as writers or editors. Any which way we went, we would always go back to harassing the winners to tell us how they felt when the news arrived that they had won. I could see it in our eyes – the vicarious living.
That night, I went online to check this site on Philippine literature to see who else had won. The site, run by Ian Casocot (himself a Palanca award-winning author) features Philippine literature in all its freshness and vitality! He tells me the site is not finished yet but as it is, it is already quite satisfying. There are sections on young authors, women authors, gay authors and canonical authors. I must have spent all night reading as many pieces as I could. I was awestruck by what I had read by young, new, up and coming and established Filipino writers. The most intriguing section was the future fiction section. How rich our material as writers! How lucky we are to live in such "interesting times!" Here, here is hope, I found myself whispering. The arts will help us find a way for sure. For that is one concrete thing literature can do – imagine and write a future for our country.
If you are interested in the creative writing program, go to www.upd.edu.ph.