Impeach mango pie & balimbing juice from Fiesta Republic!
September 11, 2005 | 12:00am
Congratulations to my controversial and indefatigable ex-Economics professor Dr. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo for successfully doctoring the amazingly lopsided results of the recent congressional impeachment assault against her.
Though I don’t agree with a lot of her political moves, I’m awe-struck by her incomparable political chutzpah and consummate strategic skills. She’s a far better political virtuoso than an economist. However, I wish to point out that she had recently committed a funny but more forgivable boo-boo on the high-tech front, almost sullying the international reputation of the Microsoft firm of the world’s wealthiest billionaire William "Bill" Gates. No, no, no, there’s no need to whip up another people power uprising or to expect her to make a contrite "I’m sorry" TV address.
During the recent 10th anniversary celebration of Microsoft Philippines, President GMA made the incredible guffaw of thanking this venerable multinational giant for supposedly creating a Filipino-version of Microsoft’s Windows operating system at supposedly cheaper price and said to be christened "Bintana." The executives of this firm must have scrambled in horror lest pesky writers like me immediately broadcast this news worldwide and this seeming insubordination might have reached their big boss in America, possibly costing them their high-paying jobs! Microsoft officials promptly but politely doused speculations fanned by President GMA’s mistake, stating that there’s no such new animal called "Bintana" in the Microsoft pipeline.
Those ill-informed Malacañang sycophants and bureaucratic eunuchs who fed wrong information to the President should have their heads cut off like in ancient times.
How could this happen to a well-educated President whose English is definitely better than those of Senators Lito Lapid or Vice-President Noli de Castro or Senator Bong Revilla? Horrors! Perhaps, the supposedly incarcerated ex-President Joseph Estrada planted a deep-penetration agent carabao English into the President’s inner circle and who plotted to humiliate this Economics professor with this Erap-like rhetorical mistake. In this free-wheeling Fiesta Republic where revolts are often bloodless and accompanied by victory open-air discos, nothing is impossible and almost nothing is sacred.
Billionaire Bill Gates beware: it is not only your Windows which might become "Bintana" and resold as pirated copies in Greenhills, but our enterprising local trouble-makers may even re-christen your name and Filipinize it to "Billy Pinto," while the other US high-tech icon Steve Jobs might become "Esteban Trabaho" and his hotshot firm Apple be renamed by constipated ultra-nationalists as "Mansanas Inc."
By the way, for colonial-minded apple-lovers, in our Fiesta Republic of endless political zarzuelas and tear-jerker melodramas, our national fruit is no longer the mango but the famed balimbing so well-loved by our legislators and politicos. By the way, my smart-aleck Grade 4 nephew approached me a few days ago after watching the nauseating TV news on the conduct of the impeachment proceedings, and asked: "Uncle, if the opposite of con is pro, is it possible then that Congress is the opposite of progress?"
Aside from congratulating President GMA for her controversial win in Congress to kill the impeachment, though I personally believe a transparent impeachment trial would have been good and cathartic for Philippine democracy and allowed President GMA to clear herself in history, I wish to congratulate two more friends.
Allow me to congratulate Lance Gokongwei and his wife, my kumare, Jay Leong Gokongwei for the birth of their son last Sept. 6, bringing indescribable joy to taipan John Gokongwei Jr.
Congrats also to Robina Gokongwei Pe for the 25th anniversary of Robinsons Department Store and her pregnancy. She once said that if she gives birth to a daughter, she won’t call her "Ina Pe" and if it’s a baby boy, she wouldn’t torment him with the name "Thor Pe." This is just a friendly reminder of her remarks before. I sincerely hope she doesn’t forget and suffer a "lapse of judgment."
Born during the night - Andy Lim; born blind - Kenneth Sy; born being swindled - Lino Co; born while cooking - Nilo Toh; born as 10th child - Sam Po; born while being courted - Lily Gaw; born fat - Bob Uy; born cannot walk - Kent Go; born little - Kathy Ting; born with real estate - Lot Te; born different - Eva Yan; born with porridge - Lino Gaw;
Born looking for someone - Allen Sia; born while counterfeiting - Faye King; born during Sunday - Lyn Go; born with malice - Mali Sia; born angry with someone - Ally Tan; born with picture - Lara Huan; born with sweets - Kent Dy; born undefined - Sam Ting; born while taking a bath - Lily Go; born while buying - Bill Li; born secretly - Tina Go; and born ugly - Shiela Yan
After reading all of those names, I begin to miss the world’s only Roman Catholic prelate with such an unholy name, only possible in this Fiesta Republic of the Philippines – Cardinal Sin. Maybe he’s tired of all our incessant people power revolts, so he implored to God for "early retirement" just before the outbreak of the Garci tape scandal. Maybe.
In the future, I hope another deeply religious ethnic Chinese family in Iloilo or Samar would send their precocious son to the seminary, so we’d someday probably have an Archbishop Tong in the future! Or better yet, send him to a prestigious law school and elect him as Senator Tong or Congressman Tong to take away all pretensions of our Philippine politics and lay bare the true essence of their ignoble profession. My sincere apologies to the Catholic faithful and to the members of the Tong clan in the Philippines, because I meant no offense or malice, just some humor to cheer me up in these days of darkness and gathering storms.
Lighten up. Never give up hope. Never allow crises to take away our capacity to enjoy life, to hope for a better future and to wait for the rainbow at the end of a storm. Life is too short. Let’s laugh to survive and overcome the catastrophic and seemingly non-stop hurricanes of political nonsense our many so-called leaders are inflicting on our society. There’s so much to be thankful for and happy about in this Philippine Islands, the sunniest Fiesta Republic in Asia with indomitable hopes and irrepressible sense of good humor.
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