Aren’t you glad you didn’t say these?

Before opening your mouth to utter anything, think about what you are going to say very well. Speaking is like firing a gun – your words are your bullets and once fired, they are hard to redeem and rectify.

Here’s an amusing assemblage of some of the dumbest things ever said by people, some of whom you’d never suspect capable. The fact that some of the quotes are frighteningly sub-human proves that stupidity is not a monopoly of the lower species of the animal kingdom.

Historic Relics

• "The sun revolves around the earth which is the center of the universe."– Almost everyone, before Galileo invented the telescope. The Catholic Church proclaimed Galileo a heretic because he maintained that the earth and the other planets revolved around the sun, a concept contrary to the Church’s teachings.

• "The earth is flat."– Almost anyone alive before Columbus’ voyage.

• "Radio has no future; heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."– Lord Kelvin, 1894

• "Man will not fly for another 50 years."– Wilbur Wright, 1901

• "Who the heck wants to hear actors talk?"– Harry M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927

• "A woman’s place is in the home."– Almost any man in the 1950s

• "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home."– Ken Olsen, Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977

"Duh!" From Celebrities

Wisdom may guarantee celebrity, but celebrity is certainly not a guarantee for wisdom as the following quotes affirm:

• "China is a big country with a lot of Chinese people living there."– Charles De Gaulle, former French president

• "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."– Dan Quayle, ex-US vice-president

• "I would like to live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."– Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

• "Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life."– Brooke Shields, actress

• "Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn’t go see it."– Samuel Goldwyn, Hollywood producer

• "Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."– Bill Clinton, former U.S. president

• "Where the hell is Australia anyway?"– Britney Spears, singer

• "Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."– Ivana Trump, ex-wife of Donald Trump, on her first novel

• "I can do anything you want me to do as long as I don’t have to speak."– Linda Evangelista, supermodel

• "In an action film you act in the action, in a drama film you act in the drama."– Jean-Claude Van Damme, actor

• "You know the one thing that’s wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say."– Bill Clinton

• "Deals work best when each side gets something it wants from the other."– Donald Trump, entrepreneur and real estate magnate

• "Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."– Mariah Carey, singer

• "Solutions are not the answer."– Richard Nixon, former US president

• "I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time."– Mariah Carey, singer, on hearing of the death of the King of Jordan

• "They misunderestimated me."– George W. Bush, US president

• "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."– Britney Spears

• "...More and more of our imports are coming from overseas."– George W. Bush

• "To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from God."– Celine Dion, singer

• "Every minute was more exciting than the next."– Linda Evans, actress

• "And Helena got six inches during the night... Helena, Montana, that is!"– Weather newscaster on KHAR-TV, Alaska

• "The Philippines is in a strategic position. It is both East and West, right and left, rich and poor. We are neither here nor there."– Imelda Marcos at a press conference for the Manila International Film Festival (Ang Katipunan, February 1982)

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Quotes You Wish You Had Said

Okay, okay! Let’s now give examples of statements that we could only dream of authoring. Here are quotes that would make you wish you were as wise and witty (or whatever!) to have said:

• "If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."– Andy McIntyre

• "Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country."– John F. Kennedy, inaugural address

• "Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."– Malcolm S. Forbes

• "’Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt."– Samuel Johnson

• "I get so tired listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there; it’s so petty."– Imelda Marcos

• "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."– Oscar Wilde

• "The one thing I do not want to be called is First Lady. It sounds like a saddle horse."– Jacqueline Kennedy

• "Win or lose, we go shopping after the election."– Imelda Marcos

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Disclaimer: We have compiled these quotes from different sources and although we strove to include only legitimate ones, we cannot guarantee the authenticity of all. Enjoy them for their entertainment value.