Words create worlds
February 6, 2005 | 12:00am
Last Sunday, as I worked on my younger son’s photo album, I turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels. There was nothing on but reruns and showbiz talk shows. I couldn’t sit through any of them. The longest segment I could watch was an interview of Lucy Torres Gomez. She was defending herself against nasty rumors that have been circulating through e-mail. Earlier, I had skimmed through her newspaper column and was horrified at the e-mail she had reprinted to show what people – all of them strangers – were saying about her. I watched because she was so poised, calm and regal. It was such a welcome contrast to the general inanity and hysteria that mark these shows. At the end of the segment, one of the hosts said, "Marami pang chismis sa aming pagbabalik. Chismis lang ha. Hindi iyong nakakasakit sa tao…." I wonder how he made that distinction.
Words create worlds. I believe it. I’ve experienced it. Gossip is toxic and extremely destructive, and these days, electronic media plays a major role in propagating it. E-mail and text have given us false anonymity and intimacy. That plus access to a wealth of ready – but not always accurate – information is a deadly combination that we don’t take seriously enough. We must make a deliberate effort to take everything – especially those pass-this-on messages – with more than a grain of salt and act responsibly. Just because it appears in your mailbox or on your phone, it doesn’t mean it is fact. Whenever I am sent something unpleasant, negative, nasty, malicious or simply unverified, it ends with me.
When Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston announced their separation, I received all sorts of comments that bothered me: "You saw that coming," "Brad wanted babies but Jennifer’s such a party girl," and "Angelina Jolie is a homewrecker." My body responded with this stone-in-the-gut sensation. It wasn’t right. I simply said, "You shouldn’t believe everything you read," or "Right, and you know this for a fact because they told you?" We have no idea who these people are. We do not know what the real story is – and may never – and I think that’s good. We are not entitled. We do not have the right to judge them just because they are public figures. Yes, they are bigger than life and we think we know them. But we don’t. Whoever they are, they are going through a lot of pain and we honor each other as human beings by holding them in our thoughts quietly and with kindness. Our speculations and harsh judgments bring nothing but bad energy across the world.
Many years ago, an acquaintance and I were chatting. The name of a prominent man came up and she whispered, "Doesn’t he have – " and proceeded to name a disease. I was shocked. I ignored it, though I should have been bold enough to say it wasn’t our business. But I didn’t engage her. Such callous behavior towards another’s infirmity – real or fabricated – is uncalled for. It is cruel. Neither of us knew him personally. Somehow, that made it more sinister.
Talking about virtual strangers is unkind and unhealthy. You have no personal experience of them and cannot possibly present a picture that faintly resembles the truth. So what, exactly, are you putting out there? Cosmic filth comes to mind and, sooner or later, it will manifest in the physical realm. It will affect you, too. If we all paid attention to what we felt when we engage in gossip, we would realize how toxic it is. The body tells you. There’s a queasiness there, a definite discomfort. You hurt yourself and the person you are so casually maligning. There is no such thing as "chismis lang." Words are powerful. We must use them with care and consciousness.
I’m not a saint. I make mistakes. I sometimes catch myself sharing a personal observation of a third party and then later realize I shouldn’t have. But my body knows. There is a sensation inside that tells me I’m beginning to tread unholy ground. I am now learning to tune into that early and have no qualms about stopping myself in mid-sentence. It’s very tricky to talk about people who aren’t present, so we have to make sure we are always respectful. It’s a struggle, sure, but I think it’s one we should aim to win. There are moments when I am about to make a casual comment and then stop, reminded that there are positive ways to make a point that do not diminish another human being. And this is the space we must all strive to speak from. Always.
After the tsunami and other heart-wrenching calamities of late, how can we involve ourselves in activities that destroy rather than build? The earth receives everything we give – bad and good. In everything that we do and say, we must ask: Is this something that builds a better community, a better country, a better world, or is it something that pollutes or takes away? People have asked how we can bring the spirit of karangalan into our daily lives. This is one practical example: To think, speak and act in ways that build rather than destroy.
"All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be": These are the words of Martin Luther King. Think about that the next time you’re tempted to pass along a piece of gossip or unfounded e-mail, the next time you open your mouth to judge a person or tell a tale of someone else’s life. Act responsibly. Let it end with you.
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