How to overcome shyness
January 9, 2005 | 12:00am
How many times have these happened to you? Right in front of you is the person of your dreams yet you freeze and shrivel away from meeting him/her because of shyness. You back out of an audition because of shyness and other feelings of inadequacy only to find out later that the person who got the part is no better at performing than you. You attend a party and have attacks of shyness and nervousness that you forget the name of even your closest friend when you try to make introductions.
Well, don’t worry because you are not the only one suffering from shyness. Even big stars like Barbra Streisand reportedly suffer from apprehension and discomfort in front of a big audience, and that’s why she shuns live performances. Public figures who have called themselves shy include Johnny Carson, John Travolta, Carol Burnett, and even Elizabeth Taylor.
Shyness is a personal behavior characterized by being timid, bashful, and shrinking from being noticed or approached. It is often defined as "awkwardness in the company of others." Being shy has its roots in self-consciousness and involves anxiety, uneasiness, a slight fear, and behavioral inhibition in social circumstances.
Shyness is simply a natural reaction to unfamiliar situations. Entering a roomful of strangers can be intimidating and thus can trigger social phobia. Lack of self-confidence, self-esteem, and experience can further contribute to a reserved, retiring, withdrawing personality.
Shyness experts identify the following as the possible causes of shyness: Genes predisposing a person to shyness, acquired shy behavior from parents, poor acquisition of social skills, and frequent teasing or criticizing as a child.
•Don’t be highly anxious, fearful or apprehensive. Be relaxed and maintain a degree of calmness in a social situation and learn how the interaction works. Determine why you feel shy. When you know the reason, do something about it. Shy about your pimply face? Go to a dermatologist to clear up your skin. Insecure about being overweight? Diet. And so on…
•Look your best and smell good. Be neat, clean and properly dressed. By being so, you’d be less self-critical or self-deprecating.
•Smile and look approachable so that people will come up to meet you. People will think twice before approaching a person who looks like he’d rather be alone.
•Much of human communication is non-verbal. Be conscious of your body language. Do you cross your arms, lower your head, slouch with inferiority, bite your nails, and appear uneasy? Watch great socializers and what they do with their bodies.
•Re-center or focus on something or someone else. Focus on other people rather than on yourself and the shyness you are feeling. Ask people about themselves and get to know them better. Make them feel comfortable, interesting, and important.
•Focus on having a good time. Let go of your debilitating inhibitions and work on enjoying yourself and the occasion more. If you are alone at a party or social event, look for someone who seems approachable, someone you may feel comfortable with. Make eye contact and smile. Take a friend along with you when you meet new people. This may ease the pressure on you and you’ll be more comfortable being with someone you know.
•Rehearse and practice at being more outgoing. Have a ready script, an ice breaker, pick-up lines, a repertoire of conversational topics, a set of jokes, etc., which will help make conversation a breeze.
•Make it a habit to engage in casual conversations with people next to you on the bus, at the cinema, at the fast food counter, etc. This will help you gain more confidence so you can easily approach people when the need arises.
•Enlarge your circle of friends and acquaintances by joining clubs, and going to places and events that interest you. Visualize yourself being more outgoing every day, and envision all the friends you’ll make and good times you’ll have. Recite to yourself positive affirmations like "I can overcome my shyness," "I am attractive enough to bring new people into my life."
•Achieve, be successful, and increase your self-worth and self-esteem. When everything else fails, fake it! Act as if you’re not shy. Straighten your posture, hold your chin up, push your chest out, add a swing to your walk, and speak with confidence and conviction. You’ll be amazed at what a little play-acting can do!
The reason most people are shy in approaching the man or woman of their dreams in social situations is because of fear of rejection. Often, we look back regretfully at the "gorgeous one who got away" or the lost opportunities that we could have grabbed.
Try approaching a person without an end result for yourself in mind. For example, try picking up a woman for your friend. Since your ego is not at stake, you’ll be less afraid and inhibited. Do a few of these and you’ll be able to do it later with someone you like for yourself without much difficulty.
When you want to meet someone, put yourself in his/her line of vision where your eyes could meet. When they do, smile and gauge how receptive he/she is. Do it slowly. Some other day when the circumstances are better, you may move closer to say "hi."
When you want to meet someone who is with a group, be nice, warm and friendly to the whole group. For the guys, don’t let a gorgeous creature intimidate and freeze you to inaction. How many beautiful women have you seen in the arms of a not so good-looking man? There is hope, guys! The same works for women, too!
To overcome your shyness when approaching someone sexually attractive, keep your cool. Don’t look at the person as if he/she is higher than you, like someone you don’t deserve. If you do, he/she will treat you in exactly the same way you come on to him/her.
Finally, lower your fear of rejection by imagining the worst scenario that could happen. The person may say "no" or simply shrug away. So what? Don’t dwell on it and try someone else next time. But what if he/she smiles and says "yes"? It would be violins, harps, and angelic voices!
Victory belongs only to those who dare to try. Don’t be scared to take the risk – instead, instill in your mind that meeting a great friend or lover could enrich your life!
For you comments, e-mail DeroSeminar@yahoo.com or call/text 0920-4053233. If you want a reply, include your name every time you text.
Well, don’t worry because you are not the only one suffering from shyness. Even big stars like Barbra Streisand reportedly suffer from apprehension and discomfort in front of a big audience, and that’s why she shuns live performances. Public figures who have called themselves shy include Johnny Carson, John Travolta, Carol Burnett, and even Elizabeth Taylor.
Shyness is simply a natural reaction to unfamiliar situations. Entering a roomful of strangers can be intimidating and thus can trigger social phobia. Lack of self-confidence, self-esteem, and experience can further contribute to a reserved, retiring, withdrawing personality.
Shyness experts identify the following as the possible causes of shyness: Genes predisposing a person to shyness, acquired shy behavior from parents, poor acquisition of social skills, and frequent teasing or criticizing as a child.
•Look your best and smell good. Be neat, clean and properly dressed. By being so, you’d be less self-critical or self-deprecating.
•Smile and look approachable so that people will come up to meet you. People will think twice before approaching a person who looks like he’d rather be alone.
•Much of human communication is non-verbal. Be conscious of your body language. Do you cross your arms, lower your head, slouch with inferiority, bite your nails, and appear uneasy? Watch great socializers and what they do with their bodies.
•Re-center or focus on something or someone else. Focus on other people rather than on yourself and the shyness you are feeling. Ask people about themselves and get to know them better. Make them feel comfortable, interesting, and important.
•Focus on having a good time. Let go of your debilitating inhibitions and work on enjoying yourself and the occasion more. If you are alone at a party or social event, look for someone who seems approachable, someone you may feel comfortable with. Make eye contact and smile. Take a friend along with you when you meet new people. This may ease the pressure on you and you’ll be more comfortable being with someone you know.
•Rehearse and practice at being more outgoing. Have a ready script, an ice breaker, pick-up lines, a repertoire of conversational topics, a set of jokes, etc., which will help make conversation a breeze.
•Make it a habit to engage in casual conversations with people next to you on the bus, at the cinema, at the fast food counter, etc. This will help you gain more confidence so you can easily approach people when the need arises.
•Enlarge your circle of friends and acquaintances by joining clubs, and going to places and events that interest you. Visualize yourself being more outgoing every day, and envision all the friends you’ll make and good times you’ll have. Recite to yourself positive affirmations like "I can overcome my shyness," "I am attractive enough to bring new people into my life."
•Achieve, be successful, and increase your self-worth and self-esteem. When everything else fails, fake it! Act as if you’re not shy. Straighten your posture, hold your chin up, push your chest out, add a swing to your walk, and speak with confidence and conviction. You’ll be amazed at what a little play-acting can do!
Try approaching a person without an end result for yourself in mind. For example, try picking up a woman for your friend. Since your ego is not at stake, you’ll be less afraid and inhibited. Do a few of these and you’ll be able to do it later with someone you like for yourself without much difficulty.
When you want to meet someone, put yourself in his/her line of vision where your eyes could meet. When they do, smile and gauge how receptive he/she is. Do it slowly. Some other day when the circumstances are better, you may move closer to say "hi."
When you want to meet someone who is with a group, be nice, warm and friendly to the whole group. For the guys, don’t let a gorgeous creature intimidate and freeze you to inaction. How many beautiful women have you seen in the arms of a not so good-looking man? There is hope, guys! The same works for women, too!
To overcome your shyness when approaching someone sexually attractive, keep your cool. Don’t look at the person as if he/she is higher than you, like someone you don’t deserve. If you do, he/she will treat you in exactly the same way you come on to him/her.
Finally, lower your fear of rejection by imagining the worst scenario that could happen. The person may say "no" or simply shrug away. So what? Don’t dwell on it and try someone else next time. But what if he/she smiles and says "yes"? It would be violins, harps, and angelic voices!
Victory belongs only to those who dare to try. Don’t be scared to take the risk – instead, instill in your mind that meeting a great friend or lover could enrich your life!
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