‘What’s So Amazing About Grace?’ A lot!
December 5, 2004 | 12:00am
When you enter my room, the first thing you’ll notice is the disarray of books – piled up all over the table, the dresser, on the floor and mantle. It’s funny because for a librarian, I lack the patience to organize my collection of books, magazines and CDs. But mark my words: I know all of my books regardless of their location. I can sense if a book has been taken out of this beautiful mess that I call my room. A few books are arranged on the shelf though. Most of them are gathering dust now, rarely browsed except for reference purposes for school and for my letters to friends (I write a quote at the end of each letter).
Step closer to the shelf and you’ll notice one book that isn’t gathering dust. Its pages are turning yellow and brown from being read many times. The cover is soft and needs restoration, the binding is about to give way. It looks pitiful and sad, but this book is among my prized collection. Open it and you see the signature of the author on the first page. This is my favorite book, What’s So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey.
I prize this book not mainly because of the author’s signature, but because I believe that this book is among the most down-to-earth books that talk about the Christian life. It talks about grace – that unmerited favor from God – in a way that cuts to the heart.
Of the stories collected and shared by Yancey, the chapter entitled "Grace-Healed Eyes" tugs at my heart the most. In this chapter, Yancey shares his friendship with Mel White, a writer actively involved in the ministries of several well-known Christian personalities. Yancey considered his friend Mel to have the most vibrant life there is. After years of friendship, Mel finally dropped the bomb on Philip and admitted he was gay. It was such a shock for Yancey that his initial reaction was, "Mel, gay? Is the Pope Muslim?"
Homosexuality is one issue that doesn’t make for a good topic of conversation at most dinner tables, including my family’s. My mother rattles about it as being a sin and that homosexuals don’t go to heaven. Period. My father never participates in the family discussion. He simply walks away to smoke at the park. But what I really want to share with my family but never had the chance to is that I grew up being sexually abused by our neighbors in the province, and had even experienced the same from a pastor. These were my early encounters with homosexuality. As a result, I came away angry and confused about my own gender.
Yancey shares in "Grace-Healed Eyes" that he learned how difficult it is to love the sinner and hate the sin. He learned also from his friendship with Mel that homosexuality is not something that a person readily decides on. It results from prior choices and experiences. After his friend’s revelation, he made a conscious effort to get to know the professing homosexuals around his neighborhood in Chicago. Although he does not agree with their lifestyle, Yancey struggles to love them, as God would. He learned that most gays are quite theologically conservative and that they would really like to enter and attend a church service. But, alas, the only message they hear is that of condemnation, not love.
As the book shows in another chapter, "Unbroken Chain," love heals. Without it, the cycle of bitterness and resentment passes on from one generation to another. In this chapter, Yancey tells of an abusive father who changed his ways and sobered up. However, one of his daughters would not bury the hatchet. This unforgiving spirit and bitterness resulted in the negative spirit of how she raised her children, ending in more broken relationships – with her son, and her son with that of his wife.
What’s So Amazing About Grace? helped me understand that I needed to forgive those who sinned against me when I was young. I grew up resenting even myself because I felt that there was really something wrong with me. My father never affirmed my masculinity while I was growing up. I was confused because I was always ridiculed as being "queer" and "strange" in school. I coped by burying myself in school work and television which later proved ineffective. I hid myself in school and community libraries, making them a ghetto for myself, a refuge from all the teasing and bullying.
Research shows that a number of gays are sexually abused during childhood and grow up with an emotionally distant father or without a father figure at all. I can only remember a handful of memories that I had with my dad while growing up. Most days and nights, he was glued to the computer and until now he is still at it. For years I waited for him to be more actively present, to help me develop my masculine heart. From this book I learned that love involves action. So I decided that there is nothing I can do about the past except to grieve for my losses and forgive those people who have hurt me. By forgiving, I set them free. And I set myself free as well.
Back in college I hardly went home except when I needed money and at Christmas. Maybe because I desperately wanted to get away from the place that hurt me the most. But because of this book, I began to understand that love is not an easy thing. I began to see that I also needed "grace-healed eyes" in order to love and see my father as a person who also needs my love and compassion. Hence, I made a commitment that as much as possible, I would visit home once a month to spend time with my family. I do this not only to make up for lost time, but also because in my deepest of hearts, I love my family. Ironically, the people closest to us are the most difficult to love.
I look at my favorite book now and realize that despite its tattered condition I value it more than any other book. Yancey puts it this way, "We may be abominations, but we are still God’s pride and joy. All of us in church need "grace-healed eyes" to see the potential in others for the same grace that God has lavishly bestowed on us. ‘To love a person,’ said Dostoevsky, ‘means to see him as God intended him to be.’"
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