The wisdom of kidspeak

Last Sunday, I caught a rerun of a 1991 movie entitled My Girl. With the portions that I watched, I gathered that this movie was about kids, friendships and death. It’s about an 11-year-old girl named Vada growing up with her widowed father who is a mortician. With her own mother’s death and a mortuary for a home, one would understand why this girl openly talks of life after death. In one scene, Vada discusses the afterlife with her closest friend, played by Macaulay Culkin, saying how nice it must be in heaven with the clouds below, as they sat on branches of a tall tree.

What was said was just a line in a script, but the truth is – children have a knack for keeping things simple. Some would call it ignorance, but I think it’s innocence that allows children to describe what adults normally find indescribable. Innocence lets kids express themselves freely and if you have children of your own, you know what I mean. When Mikee tells her son Roby "Kiss Wawa." He doesn’t, because I smother him with lipstick. Threaten him with "I’ll spank you," he turns obstinate. When says, "She’ll be sad and cry if you don’t," he runs to kiss me.

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Take that subject matter heaven for instance. Try asking an adult to describe heaven and you’ll probably get into some heated debate. Some might argue that heaven is a place where good people go when they die. Some might say that heaven is just a state of mind. Others might even give you some long religious sermon on concept of heaven or hell. Some refuse to talk about heaven and hell because they are connected with death, a subject many try to avoid. But for children, there is nothing taboo about it. Ask them about heaven and they will describe it just like that girl Vada. They would probably also picture it with angels playing beautiful music on their harps. Or with old men in long white beards dressed in white togas walking around carrying tablets like that of the Ten Commandments. Ask the kids anything and they will give you an answer for sure. "You like my hair, Martina?" China asked her niece. A straightforward "No" was the answer.

My daughter Liaa once read a book to her son Alec entitled Love You Forever:

A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang: I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.

Towards the end of the story, the son, who’s now an adult and a father, takes his turn in caring for his sick mother,

He picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And he sang this song: I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living my Mommy you’ll be.

That made Alec cry and say, "Mommy, I don’t want to grow up. Please don’t die." I’m not a psychologist but having five children, I know that the minds of children are straightforward, natural and uncomplicated. It’s what endears them to us even more. Sometimes, I think kids are in this world not only to brighten our every day or be the future of this world. I think, they’re here to knock some sense into us adults. They keep us grounded. I’m not embarrassed to say that there have been more than a couple of times when I’ve gotten stumped by a child’s question or reaction.

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Sometimes, it’s the innocence in the question, "Do you love me, Rafael?" and Mikee’s one-year-old son points his fingers at me and says, "Bang! Bang!" or the simplicity in thought that strikes me. "We love you, Governor" from Karl and Kevin Tanalgo. And admit it, I’m sure there has been a time when the comment of a child caught you unawares. President Fidel V. Ramos told me that his three-year-old grandson told him, "Put on your eyeglass, Lolo. You look like Jose Rizal. The Spaniards might shoot you."

There was a show on TV that illustrates children in their utmost naivete, Kids Say the Darndest Things. Host Bill Cosby strikes up a conversation with the children and asks them simple everyday questions like, "What’s your favorite food?" Or "How does your mother wake you up in the morning?" Sometimes the questions are a bit harder like, "What is love?" Or "Do you think it’s important to learn math in school?" Usually, the answers he elicits from these children are more than what we ever expect or care to know. Too often, as the adults roar in laughter, he jokingly covers the child’s mouth to stop the kids from continuing. That’s just it. If you ask a kid a question, you should be ready for the answer especially because it might not be what you want to hear. Then what we adults do is even laugh off children’s casual comments and camouflage them with nervous laughter when deep inside, they make sense.

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I think adults should wizen up and start paying more attention when kids speak out. Mikee can’t threaten her four-year-old Roby with a spank, but if she says, "I’ll cry and be sad," he complies. In many ways, kids have the edge when it comes to communicating. They aren’t afraid to call a spade a spade. They don’t have the capacity to sugarcoat and even if they do, they’re too carefree to do so. While we teach them to be polite and tactful at certain ages, these are still all beyond them. And we understand that it’s the purity in their hearts that makes it impossible for them to hurt another human being purposely or tell a lie.

Children are able to verbalize their feelings and in fact, are encouraged to do so, while adults are expected to temper theirs. And they aren’t scared to face the truth because they’re fearless and have a very limited concept of consequences. Plain and simply put, children have innocence in thought and in heart and it is precisely because of this that adults should value children’s opinions more and have the patience to explain and answer even the silliest questions.

Pin’s five-year-old son Pico started playing baseball and he’d run through four bases all around the field even if he was "out." Explaining his mistakes made him understand why the audience laughed and so did he.

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The movie confronted the issue of life after death when Vada said, "In heaven, when you fall you don’t get hurt because you fall on a cloud." In real life, I can picture a child of Vada’s age speaking this way and can only guess that it must be a coping mechanism. Children, like adults, want their loved ones to be in a better place after death, and in our minds and hearts, the better place can only be heaven. We are comforted with the thought that our loved ones are in heaven and probably watching over us. With children, the idea of heaven is translated into hope and their innocence draws us to commiserate.

The Bible says, "Verily, I say unto you, except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven." It’s very clear that this verse reminds us to be more like children: unaffected, harmless and unpretentious. It teaches us to look at the world and others the way little children do. It is only when we regain our childlike faculties that we earn our place in the clouds of heaven. And who wouldn’t want to float around on their own cloud anyway? I do! So even up in heaven I can tell my children when they wonder, "Mom, do you love me? Can you hear me?" that "Yes, I love you forever and I’ll watch you wherever."