Crazy little thing called love

Filipinos are truly a romantic race. The celebration of love continues even after Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Our love songs attest to that. We breathe and live it. It doesn’t surprise me then that 90 percent of the letters we get from our Young Star column "Sisters Act, Mom Reacts" are about this puzzling topic. What is life without love?

Love is all-encompassing! It bridges age, race, religion, political beliefs, and social status. Let me share with you the answers to the questions I’ve gotten from our e-mail.

Teenagers all over the country that make up 30 percent of those who write us, have this common question, "How will I know if I’m in love?" The blush on their cheeks and stars in their eyes are all proof that they’re young and so eager to be in love. I think you’re in love if all you do is think of that one person. You’re in love if just the thought of him or her makes you happy. You’re in love if all you want is to be with that person and to do things together. You’re in love if you have a high regard for his opinion, if you’re willing to give without expecting anything in return, and are prepared to make sacrifices. You forgive his or her shortcomings as well.

* * *

Teeners, usually aged 18 or thereabouts, who are prepared to enter into a relationship, ask, "What should I expect from my boyfriend?" They don’t want to be demanding yet they don’t want to look naive. Commitment is the key. Your relationship is now more than just friendship. You’re exclusively for each other. You can’t go to parties with someone else, you can’t entertain other suitors, your time is not your own, and you’ve to be there for each other. The joys of having a boyfriend or girlfriend lie in the commitment both share in making the relationship work.

* * *

Those in their mid-20s are more self-assured but marriage is far from their minds as they are still in search of that ideal, lasting relationship. The question usually is, "What makes a relationship work?" The basic ingredients are communication, trust, honesty, patience, respect, consideration and any other positive virtues you can think of. Considering all these ingredients, are you wondering why people say there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship? Nobody’s perfect, that’s why.

The marrying age group has more serious concerns. While they contemplate making the big leap, they also want someone to play the devil’s advocate. "How do you know if he’s the right person for me?" Everything’s a gamble. "Is he a friend?" Those who start off as friends create a stronger foundation. Other questions include: Anything you have in common? Do you have the same goals? Is he supportive of them? Does he bring out the best in you? Do you make each other happy? Are you of the same income level (a realistic concern)? Do you laugh together?

The girls, meanwhile, are concerned with quite a lot of issues dealing with physical attractiveness and insecurities. Questions on whether her boyfriend’s ex was prettier than her, or if she promises to remain pretty forever abound. It’s harder to keep a husband’s antenna tuned in to you these days. And the most crucial question is: Are you ready to grow old together? These are basic questions but many still get stumped.

* * *

The married group has more difficult questions. From loveless marriages, to unfaithful spouses, to living with heels and having difficulty with children. Their problems are more complex because they’re stuck. But this group has also learned what love has done for them. They are the ones who loved, continue to love and strive for the perfect partnership. And there are also those who have made mistakes, have failed in their attempts at love, and are paying for it. However, nobody can say with conviction what a real remedy is.

Answering all these questions makes me think about Triccie Sison, Wally Ledesma as well as imminent psychiatrists Dr. Ted Abas, Dr. Lourdes Lapuz, Dr. Manny Escudero, Dr. Baltazar Reyes.

How determined are we to keep a commitment? How interested are we to be faithful to that commitment? Is love the end-all of all things? These are questions we’ll all be asking at some point in our lives. From the time a child first cries out to a man’s last gasp for breath, we only want to love and be loved.

* * *

It’s no use defining love for its meaning is obscure and very personal. We kill for it, we survive great hardships for it and because of it, we mumble it into someone’s ear. It’s a constant word in all the prayers found in great religions.

Why do we fall in love? Well, a famous neurologist puts it this way, "Blame it on your endorphin. That neurotransmitter produced by the brain makes us feel euphoric. The production of this substance comes in waves in the brain. When a woman’s endorphin level is high, she looks around and sees a man – and falls in love with that man even if he looks like a grasshopper." Of course, we do not want to sound irrational. So ask me a question on love and I’ll give you an unreasonable answer. Rodgers and Hammerstein’s musical South Pacific probably said it best in the song Some Enchanted Evening. It’s a personal favorite because that’s what happened to me! I guess feelings just don’t think!