Midlife crisis: What to do

You are 40 years old or pushing 50 or 60. You are going through your life merrily and then, one day, "Bam!" You just wake up confused and in crisis, feeling stuck in a deep rut. You seem to be okay physically but you feel funny. It’s like you have stepped into a void, a meaningless hole. All of a sudden you start questioning many things about your life and you develop this sudden thirst that seems really hard to quench.

You feel burned out, disillusioned, and your job may not bring you as much joy and satisfaction as it used to. You look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see. Wrinkles, eye bags, white hair, receding hairline, sagging skin, fat, and veritable signs of aging. You realize that you have passed your peak and you feel that things are going downhill from now on. Life doesn’t seem to hold much meaning. Well, baby, this is midlife singing its siren’s song, making one huge ball of confusion.

Midlife Freeze

Midlife or the prime of life was a phrase used by the Greeks more than 2,300 years ago. The philosopher Aristotle saw midlife (about 50) as the ideal age, the time in life when one is most balanced between the excesses of youth and age, and referred to this equilibrium as the "golden mean" of life.

Midlife and its symptoms come to people at different times. It can start during one’s mid-thirties or even during the late forties and onwards. For women it is heralded by a physical change – a time when they can no longer ovulate and menstruate, the menopause. ("Meno" in Greek means "month" which refers to women’s monthly periods.) For men, there is no strongly marked physical change in the procreation ability. Some people refer to men’s midlife as the male menopause but this is a misnomer because men have no "meno" or monthly periods. The proper term according to Dr. Robert Tan of the University of Texas is "andropause."

Andropause is the time in a man’s life when the hormones naturally decline. A medical dictionary defines the andropause as "a change of life for males that may be expressed in terms of a career change, divorce, or reordering of life. It is associated with a decline in androgen levels that occurs in men during their late forties or early fifties."

Aside from the termination of the menstrual cycle, menopause brings to women a certain restlessness, some depression, and hot flushes. The changes are more discernible in males. The symptoms and signs of andropause are:

• Loss of hair

• Testicles become smaller in size

• Decreased libido or low sex drive

• Erectile dysfunction or impotence

• Lethargy or tiredness

• Depression

• Decreased muscle strength

• Oligospermia or low sperm count

• Decreased bone density

• Forgetfulness

The physical changes brought about by menopause and andropause are accompanied by what psychologists term "midlife crisis," a difficult period of utter confusion, uncertainty and insecurity.

Menopause: The Big Void

According to New York Times editorial page editor Howell Raines, "It (midlife crisis) typically begins with mild twinges of dread, disappointment and restlessness that tiptoe in on little cat feet. Then in some cases, the cat feet turn to elephant feet."

When menopause or andropause hits you, do not panic. This midlife malady is a natural physiological process. Stay cool and bear in mind that even your best friends and worst enemies will have it, too. To minimize the effects of menopause and andropause without medical intervention:

• Exercise. You will body will be in a better condition to adapt to the changes happening at this crucial stage in your life. Research has shown that men can have higher levels of testosterone, more muscle and bone mass when they exercise regularly. Exercise promotes better cardiac conditioning.

• Eat well. Avoid too much fat and carbohydrates, and eat lots of vegetables and fruit.

• Rest well, and learn to relax as you age.

• Stop smoking and drink in moderation. Research has shown that smoking and alcohol intake are risk factors that contribute to early menopause and andropause.

• Read up on midlife topics and be properly informed to cope.

• Have faith that midlife is transitory and that you will triumph and find the answers.

• Understand yourself and be open to change.

• Consult a specialist or seek out a support group.

Meaning And Relevance

The big change during the midlife crisis is in the psycho-emotional department. Relationships could deteriorate and become turbulent. It is important to note that most separations happen during this phase. Men may have affairs with younger females to prove they are still attractive and magnetic. It is also a device some use to escape their midlife worries and problems. Women may easily be seduced into having an extramarital affair to get the attention and caring they don’t get from their husbands.

There is a big plus to midlife and this is probably why the Greeks referred to it as the prime of life. A mental and spiritual shift occurs and you graduate from the follies of youth to the wisdom and dignity of age. You start searching for meaning, for relevance. You realize that there is more to life than a paycheck. Your values and goals may change drastically. You start to contemplate on the real big questions: What is life? Why am I here? Is there a meaning to all this?

Ask Your Deepest Questions

Life is a quest, a search for yourself. Midlife is the time to ask these all-important questions:

• What is really important to me?

• What would really make me happy?

• If money weren’t a consideration, what would I be doing?

• How can I stay happy, fulfilled, and useful?

• What can I do to be useful to my loved ones and society?

At this opportune time, reassess your dreams and goals. Be fair and realize that you will not likely achieve all the goals you have set when you were young. Let go of failures. Let go of activities, memories, things and people that no longer nourish, challenge, and sustain you. Go for what is really important for you. Define your priorities. Determine what changes and shifts you need to make in your life. Reinvent yourself! Realize that you have limited time left so try to do it all.

Age Well And Successfully

A lot of people who are in denial make the mistake of not acceding to their true calendar age and all the power and glory that it brings. Your middle and golden years are the most powerful years of your life. Align yourself with your deeper truths. Love and reward yourself, and learn to enjoy and savor the aging process.

To age well and successfully:

• Pursue a life mission.

• Increase your involvement in the community.

• Become a mentor and share your wisdom, perspective, expertise and creative insight.

• Search for activities and things that nourish the soul.

• Find your own definition of beauty, wealth and strength.

• Build a better world with contributions that last more than a lifetime.

• Expand your mind, heart, spirit and all your horizons.

• Learn more about your God, your creator.

• And, oh, by the way, if your husband or wife has an extramarital affair, improve yourself, be good looking or beautiful, be rich, and live well. That’s your best revenge!

Age Beautifully

Embrace age gracefully. Claim your power as an older person. What will it be? Wisdom and clarity? Or rut? It’s your choice.

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For info regarding the author’s Make Your Impossible Dreams Come True! seminar scheduled for this Saturday, June 28, from 2-6 p.m., e-mail DeroSeminar@yahoo.com or text/call 0920-4053233. Should you wish to forward this article, please acknowledge The Philippine Star and the author. The reprinting, recording or publishing this article in any form requires copyright permission from the author.