Lola Mama

Richard’s parents separated when he was about four years old. From that time on, he would live alternately in his mother’s or father’s home (who by then already had families of their own) until 1977 when both parents migrated to the States. At that point it was his paternal grandmother who took him under her wing and brought him up to be the man that he is today. Stories that he tells me of his childhood are, more often than not, closely linked to his Lola Lydia, the woman he lovingly calls Mama. It is not hard to picture her strong yet loving presence in his life, an influence that he tells me time and again he cannot thank her enough for.

Though they’re not rich, Richard grew up comfortable in the sense that they did not have to wonder where their next meal would come from. There was always enough food on the table. She had no qualms about letting go of precious possessions for the sake of her family. Once she sold a whole bunch of priceless antiques for a song because they needed the money for the hospitalization of her son, Tito Freddy, who was involved in a terrible vehicular accident. She likewise did the same when she needed money to pay for Richard’s tuition fee.

There was nothing that Lola Lydia could not and would not do and discovering that about her one day while we were talking left quite an impression on me. The embodiment of a traditional housewife might as well be Lola Lydia. Everything my homeroom teacher in elementary probably wanted all her students to learn, she knows by heart. This is one lady who cannot only cook but sew as well. She brought up three children on her own with no nanny to help her out, a personal choice that she made.

I know what it’s like to have one child and any mother would say that one is enough to tie you down the whole day. Not that it’s something to complain about, but that is the reality. But she fed, bathed, clothed and put her children to sleep – all by her lonesome. In between that she cooked meals and cleaned the house. Whatever free time she had she used to sew clothes both for her children and herself. Even now, everytime Richard and I take her out to dinner she wears something that she herself made decades ago. Come to think of it, there is nothing in her closet that she did not make herself!

Lola is a very good cook, too. There seems to be nothing that she cannot and will not prepare expertly. Her bacalao, beef with flat noodles, binagoongan na baboy and chicken Maryland are unmatched. And boy, I wish I had the power to make you all try the stuffing that she makes. She’s all of 87 years old now yet she still does the things she used to do. Yes, age has slowed her down a bit but she is not one to just sit on her chair and watch the world go by. Richard says that he always looked forward to his birthday because Lola would always bake him a cake in the shape of a bunny – a shape she achieves not by simply pouring the mixture into a bunny-shaped mold but by cutting up the pieces and assembling them together – a real labor of love. And she only does it in either chiffon or pineapple upside-down cake. The first time she baked one for my birthday when Richard and I were just newly married really thrilled me no end because I know she won‘t bake for just anybody. She often sends food to the house, normally lunchtime on Sundays because she knows most everybody will be home. Whatever she cooks though is always a hit, so much so that it won’t even last till dinnertime.

Richard remembers growing up in an environment that, although tempered with well-placed discipline, also always had a whole lot of love. Lola was not one to raise her voice or threaten him just to get her point across. As Richard always says, nakukuha sa tingin. He was pretty much left to be his own person but there were household rules that he had to respect. One being that after school, he does his assignments before he could go out in the street and play with his neighbors and playmates. By 6 p.m. it was imperative that he is back home, ready for dinner, already washed up, well-groomed and clean. After dinner, he would occasionally be asked to wash the dishes and help clean up. He always chuckles as he remembers how Lola had some sort of network from her house to wherever he would be playing. At half past five she would let out a long ppppssssssssttttttt to no one in particular. Automatically whoever would hear it would pass on the message "Richard, hinahanap ka na ni Lola." It ceased to matter if he was one or five streets away from home. He was bound to get the message.

When he needed to be disciplined, no amount of pleading or crying would make Lola budge. She did what she had to do. If she decides to keep him grounded for three days on account of some mischief he did, grounded he will be. He would wistfully look outside to the street to where his playmates were and thereupon learn his lesson. That was his basic foundation of the saying that every deed would have a consequence.

Lola prayed a lot. In fact, she once battled throat cancer in1976 and she had to go through cobalt treatment. For two months she communicated through paper and pen because she was unable to speak. She kept going to Baclaran and one day came home and started speaking again like nothing happened. Ironically to this day she still smokes almost a pack a day.

As a young man and till he became an actor, Lola pretty much let him be his own person. She never meddled in his private and professional life moreso in the affairs of his heart. Even when she did not approve of his girlfriend, she would not interfere and try to break them apart. Lola and I were talking once and she told me how girls drop by the house in Makati, giggling and leaving handkerchiefs at the gate for Richard. To this day, her eyebrows meet when she tells me that, because she cannot imagine how girls could be so forward. She welcomes Richard’s friends to her home anytime but is not one to compromise what she morally believes in just to accommodate someone else.

Once she was awakened in the wee hours of the morning by a knock at the door. She opened it to find a distraught woman who happened to be Richard’s girlfriend then. She allowed the girl to stay in the sala but did not once entertain the thought of sending her up to Richard’s room as the girl originally wanted. They talked in the sala and Lola did not go back to sleep until she was sure the girl had gone back home and Richard was back in his room.

When Richard got his paycheck for his first job at McDonald’s he excitedly gave it to Lola. But she declined, saying it was his and that it would be better if he put it in the bank so he could start saving up. When Richard finally moved out to stay in a townhouse he bought in Horseshoe, Quezon City, he says there were moments when he would get so homesick and miss Lola so much he would end up driving late at night to sleep again in her place.

They don’t see each other as often as they want to, Richard being very busy with work, but when they are together it is easy to see the love and warmth that radiates from the kind of relationship they have. I always catch Richard tickling lola’s neck or see them holding hands. Once, Richard and I dropped by her place quickly en route to a function we had in the same area and because it was a hot day, he asked Lola for some cologne. She stood up from her chair and walked to a cabinet by the kitchen table where she got a bottle of cologne. She then prodded Richard to turn his back while she put cologne plus baby powder after – the same way she probably did when Richard was a boy. I was atching from the sidelines, it was one of those moments when I appreciated and loved Lola even more than I already did, grateful for her guiding, loving presence in Richard’s life all this time. The way he has turned out now is in large part due to how she brought him up and I will always be thankful for that. Now, our favorite bonding moments are eating out and doing the grocery together.

Richard always says that although he doesn’t get to see her and talk to her as often as he would want to he wants her to know that his absence should in no way translate to him not caring for, missing, and loving her. Happy Mother’s Day, Lola. And to my own mom and all the mothers out there, thank you for your selfless, endless love. You are at the heart of every family and it is because of your nurturing touch that we can spread our wings and try to be the best person that we can possibly be, confident in the thought that you will love us no matter what.

If on this special day you don’t have a gift for your mothers yet or for anyone you feel is a mother to you, I urge you to get a copy of the book I Love You Forever by Robert Munsch, Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney, and Sandpaper by Ompong Remigio. These are actually children’s books but they are so beautifully written (especially I Love You Forever) that the first time I read through it I had tears in my eyes.

Let me end by reminding one and all to also greet Mama Mary, our beautiful and wonderful mother in heaven. She is one of our most powerful intercessors, one of our sure ways to Jesus’ heart and mercy. After all, there’s no son who can refuse his mother, right?