Carino Brutal

It’s one form of gigil – that uncontrollable urge to bite, eat, chew or inflict something "physical" on some chubby and young flesh, mostly the buttocks, the legs, the arms or the cheeks or play rough altogether. We try hard to suppress it, not wanting to hurt or draw blood, but failing that, we go for the "kill," squeezing them so hard short of their eyes popping out of their sockets or leaving teeth marks that we try to cover up with a vigorous and playful massage or pepper with smacks and wet kisses.

It can also be an overkill on pinches that burrow deep down into the flesh if not a litany of rhyming words signifying full consumption – in gustatory terms ("I want to eat you!") – of the subject! The idea is to demolish them much like Captain Hook was swallowed by the crocodile or Gepetto by the whale!

The more intense the suffering of the subject, the better it feels for the gigil-giver. In Spanish, it is called cariño brutal, literally translated as signs of affection given in a harsh, brutal or savage manner. But remember – all out of pure delight and affection.

A classic example I remember was when my sister-in-law, blessed with three sons, left the disciplining part to her husband, who found the most effective way of quieting down their hyper-active and quarreling brood through a cariño brutal routine: He’d call the warring brothers in front of him; wait until he gets them in an unguarded moment and wham! Bop them on their foreheads until they see stars and tweeting birds! It worked all the time. Inside me, I’d laugh so hard but I dared not show this to my whirling, groggy and hilong-hilong nephews lest I be marked for dead when they become un-spank-ables! No one can escape from this tsunami so the brothers learned early enough to read the signals. When their father raises his full, commanding voice (meaning he’s on the war path of discipline), they tone down their shouting matches and force themselves to exchange friendly – though difficult – smiles.

Another brother-in-law and his wife earned a degree of notoriety in our family because they grab their young nephews and give them "vampire" kisses prior to a long vacation. (By the time the puncture marks heal, they’re back for more!) The hapless youngsters have no way of anticipating when these "hickeys" will be unleashed so they play willing victims to their uncles with nothing more exciting to do! It got to be so predictable that one nephew nonchalantly remarked, after getting his twin hickeys, "Uncle, can I play now?"

Through the Internet, my friend, Tootsie Moreno (Vicente) Litonjua, sent me a list of disciplinary measures unleashed by our parents and grandparents in the bygone days. Children’s rights advocates will surely frown on them but as Tootsie said, these were the lessons in life that helped us grow into fine, confident, responsible, caring and well-adjusted individuals. Or so we thought! Unfortunately, to our foreign readers, it’s hard to translate them into English but if "curious" enough, e-mail me at lettyjlopez@hotmail.com and I will attempt to explain.

To those who can relate to these instances, laugh hard and enjoy the memories. Unknowingly and unintentionally, our dear, beloved parents and elders have institutionalized cariño brutal in its purest and truest form. Don’t we miss them now?

Tandang-tanda namin ang saya at lumbay sa poder nila Inay at Itay. Lalo na ang mga magagandang lessons na natutunan namin sa kanila...

1) Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako ng HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas. Mga punyeta kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."

2) Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay. "Kapag ’yang mantsa ’di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!"

3) Si Itay, tinuruan niya kami ni Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng TIME TRAVEL. "Kung ’di kayo tumigil ng pagngangawa diyan, tatadyakan ko kayo ng todo hanggang umabot kayo sa isang linggo!"

4) Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC. "Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."

5) Kay Inay din ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC. "Kapag ikaw ay nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa manonood ng sine."

6) Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sahibin ng IRONY. "Sige ngumalngal ka, kundi bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"

7) Kay Inay ako natuto ng science of OSMOSIS. "Punyeta, itigil mo ang kadadakdak at tapusin mong kainin ang inihanda kong hapunan para sa iyo."

8) Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM. "Tingnan mo nga ’yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tignan mo!"

9) Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung anong ibig sabihin ng STAMINA. "’Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga’t ’di mo natatapos kainin lahat ’yang gulay mo!"

10) At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng WEATHER. "’Alangya, ano ba itong kuwarto n’yong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!"

11) Sa CIRCLE OF LIFE, ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay ay ganito: "Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maaari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito."

12) Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Tatadyakan kita diyan, huwag ka ngang nag-uumarte diyan na parang Nanay mo!"

13) Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY. "Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang, ’di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?"

14) Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION. "’Tang’na kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay...!"

15) At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING. "Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!"

16) Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa aking kung ano ang HUMOR. "Kapag naputol ’yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawn mower, ‘wag na ‘wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!"

17) Kay Itay naman natuto si Kuya ng HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "Kung ’di ka matutong magbate, eh di ka nga tatangkad."

18) Si Inay ang nagturo sa akin kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS. "Nagmana ka nga talaga sa ama mong walanghiya."

19) Kay Inay din ako natuto ng WISDOM. "’Pag umabot ka na ng edad ko, saka mo pa lang maiintindihan ang lahat."

20) At ang paborito ko sa lahat na natutunan ko kay Inay at Itay ay kung ano ang JUSTICE. "Isang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak, panalangin namin na sana’y matulad sila sa ’yo... haliparot!"