Single Blessedness

My friend Lena is forty-something and single. And her most dreaded question is "When are you getting married?" Every time she attends a family gathering or a reunion of old friends, she gets asked the same horrid question. But aside from that, she is happy with her life. She has an enviable joie de vivre and greatly values her independence and peace of mind. Most of her friends who have gotten married are either separated or still living with the same person just to keep up appearances.

To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the heart and mind to be single or permanently attached has always perplexed man for ages. They say a man needs four women in his life – a baby to protect and caress, a siren to fulfill his sexual fantasies, a mother to pamper and spoil him, and a maid to do his household chores.

On the other hand, they say a woman needs four animals in her life – a mink on her back, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger on her bed, and an ass to pay for it all. Seriously, I believe that women, like men, also need a baby to protect and caress, a hunk or a wimp (different strokes for different folks!) to fulfill her sexual fantasies, a father to pamper, spoil and scold her, and a sugar daddy to pay for it all.

In this complex society, you have many, many choices. But two are the major ones: single blessedness or committed doublehood. If you were not married or irreversibly confirmed single, which status would you choose?

Single or Married

Now, singleness can be lonely and you could end up forever desperately seeking. But being single can be convenient with absolutely no conflicts and obligations. Single people have full autonomy over their income. They can go wherever, whenever and with whomever they please. They have no one to pick up After, no phone calls to wait for, and don’t have to share the TV remote. They have no need to tell little white lies. Plus, they don’t have to worry about Valentine’s, divorce or alimony.

Marriage, on the other hand, is a plural state and thus never lonely. Married people have a ready date to go with, where and when they please. They can look forward to Valentine’s Day, birthdays and anniversaries, and build a nest, a family and a future. Committed people can depend on each other’s income but the expenses are always times two. Although their shared income may be more, when the children come, there will be more mouths to feed and bodies to clothe, shelter, and send to school.

Before And After Marriage

If you decide to stay single, chances are you’ll have a less complicated life. You don’t even have to look good for anyone when it’s time to go to bed or when you wake up in the morning. The drawback is, you have to do your own laundry. Should you opt for marriage, consider these "Before and after" scenarios compiled by some realistic married people observer:

Before – You take my breath away.

After – Oh, you are suffocating me!

Before – She loves the way I am in control.

After – She calls me a controlling, manipulating egomaniac.

Before – Don’t stop.

After – Don’t you even try.

Before – The Sound of Music.

After – The Sound of Silence.

Before – Honey, is that all you are eating?

After – I think you should just have a salad, honey.

Before – It’s like living a dream.

After – It’s a living nightmare.

Before – A dozen red roses.

After – Not even a stem.

Before – Turbo-charged.

After – Needs a jumpstart.

Before – Victoria’s Secret.

After – Just keep it a secret.

Before – Time stands still.

After – This relationship is going nowhere.

Before – Croissant and cappuccino.

After – Pan de sal and instant coffee.

Before – Oysters Rockefeller.

After – Fish balls.

Before – I do.

After – Judo, Aikido and Tae Kwon Do

Before – Romeo and Juliet.

After – Bill and Hillary.

And listen to these anecdotes. A son asks his dad, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?" The dad replies, "That happens in every country, son." Then he asks, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replies, "I don’t know son, I’m still paying."

What’s Your Bliss?

So, to be single or attached? Well, to each his own bliss. They say that marriage is a three-ring circus – engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Some say it is an institution you wouldn’t want to be committed in. And most men define marriage as an expensive way to get the laundry done for free. But even with all the negatives connected with marriage, millions get married every year and the bridal business is more than ever booming.

For those who choose to get into a commitment, here are some words to live by: "Never ever argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute." For those who’d rather stay single, enjoy your freedom Before Mr. or Ms. Right stumbles your way. Oh, and relish those Laundromat days. By the way, do you know what’s so blessed about being single? The good fortune of not having a mother-in-law!

My friend Lena finally has a ready answer every time someone asks when she is getting married. She now retorts with a naughty wink, "Why be a pain in the ass for one when you can be a joy to many?"

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I’d love to hear from you! E-mail deeperdoor@yahoo.com for your comments. Should you want to forward this article, please acknowledge The Philippine STAR and the author Dero Pedero. The reprinting, recording or publishing of this article in any form requires copyright permission from the author.