Do you influence your husband on issues you feel strongly about?
December 1, 2002 | 12:00am
A spouse plays an important role in a public official’s life. When a person gets into public office, even the lives of his family members are scrutinized – most especially his wife’s. It’s said that behind every man’s success or failure is a woman. She can make his career or break it singlehandedly; she can be the bridge to the masses or the wall that separates her husband from his constituents; she can be an ear that listens when no one else will or she can be the person that sends tongues wagging; she can be a source of profound knowledge or a source of misinformation.
Just how strong is a spouse’s influence? Let’s hear it from some Congressional spouses.
Bernadette Barbers, homemaker, wife of 2nd District Surigao Rep. Ace Barbers: Yes, if issues of morality are at hand. But otherwise, he is too independent-minded and very principled. He has this penchant for philosophy and always bases his position on issues from famous philosophers.
Gina De Venecia, radio/TV host, wife of Speaker Joe de Venecia, 4th District, Pangasinan: I am concerned with the welfare of the marginalized Filipinos, especially the women and children.
If I feel strongly about a certain issue, I tell my husband about it. I don’t expect him to follow my line of thinking just because I say so.
I view it as an opportunity for him to find out what ordinary citizens are thinking because my friends and the masses – including my TV viewers and radio listeners as well as my acquaintances at tiangges – give me their consensus and I bring it up to him.
In a way, I act as a window to the world for my spouse.
Margie Moran-Floirendo, former Miss Universe, film producer, publisher, wife of Davao del Norte Rep. Tony Boy Floirendo: I do not influence him but we do discuss various issues that have an effect on concerns I am familiar with or am engageed in. Areas of concern would be environmental laws, tourism, politics and the socio-economic-political issues affecting Mindanao.
We talked at length on the subject of absentee voting because I received letters in the e-mail from Filipinos residing abroad to influence him in this area under discussion in Congress. We discuss (but oftentimes argue) on issues of governance and the direction the administration is taking to overcome the nation’s problems.
Ruth Padilla, businesswoman, civil leader, wife of Minority Floor Leader Carlos Padilla, Lone District, Nueva Vizcaya: We discuss issues objectively but not necessarily to influence his decision as I respect his position as a public official.
Trina Biazon, homemaker, wife of Muntinlupa Rep. Ruffy Biazon: Of course. One perfect example is the issue of divorce. Initially, we had opposing views on the matter. Because of the current developments in society such as heightened awareness about women’s rights and the prevalence of domestic abuse, I thought that the time was ripe for the Philippines to have a divorce law.
He said, however, that in countries where divorce is legal, marriage, which was once regarded as a sacred sacrament, is fast becoming a secular experience. It is often seen as an experiment. If it works, great; if not, try someone else.
He explained that every married couple should expect challenges along the way but the solution is not in breaking up but accepting our faults and in being sincere in our desire to change for the better.
He convinced me that instead of putting our best efforts into getting out of bad marriages, we should focus more on preventing them, that is, by coming up with programs that help couples for the rigors and trials of marriage.
Jeannie Ng Sandoval, manager, industrial gas business, wife of Malabon Rep. Ricky Sandoval: We always try to maintain our lines of communication open whether it’s on matters concerning the family or business and most especially the burning issues of the day.
Sometimes, we do tend not to agree on certain matters but there’s always a lively discussion which enriches our opinions. Influencing could be taken in the context of adding important information that’s useful in arriving at a fruitful and collective decision.
Mary Ann Arcega Dy, owner, catering business, wife of 3rd District Isabela Rep. Bojie Dy: I make it a point to express my views on certain matters. Many will agree that spouses usually have the most persuasive influence on their legislator mates. My intention, however, is not to wield such marital influence when I voice my opinions. I discuss matters with my husband with the hope that my opinion may serve as input in the determination of his stand on special concerns such as graft and corruption, divorce, abortion, the death penalty and other contemporary issues. He listens to my views, after all, I belong to the district he represents.
Margie Abary Duavit, homemaker, wife of 1st District Rizal Rep. Jack Duavit: I’m very lucky because Jack and I share the same views on almost everything. We both strive in our own capacity to help improve the lives of each and every Filipino, especially in our district. We have the same concerns on rising electricity rates, traffic (buses), consumer rights, accessibility to basic needs, environment and taxes. But when I feel strongly about an issue, Jack is sure to hear it from me. What he does with my views at work in Congress, I should ask his chief of staff.
Kathleen F. Santiago, homemaker, wife of Catanduanes Rep. Joseph A. Santiago: My categorical answer is NO. Before my husband entered politics in 2001, we had a serious talk on how his decision will affect our relationship as husband and wife and the effect on our two young children. We both believe that in making any important decision in life, a married couple should have the family as number one priority.
There are many critical issues our leaders need to address today. The more pressing ones are the budget deficit, graft and corruption, poverty, traffic management, terrorism and unsolved crimes.
We all want to live in a peaceful and progressive country. Both the rich and the poor have this aspiration – to live a better life than what we have now. And our present leaders in the executive, legislative and judicial branch of government are in a much better position to make this wish a reality.
There are quite a number of local, national and ethical issues that I feel strongly about. However, I make sure that I do not dictate to my spouse what he should do or stand for. I have too much respect for him and I believe in his objective, moral and intellectual judgment. As a Congressman, he has a better understanding of the big picture of the country while I may be focusing on small details. Thus, it is not appropriate for me to influence him on such issues.
However, on issues affecting moral values, I do not hesitate to share my thoughts with my husband. This sharing does not intend to influence him because in most cases, we share the same sentiment. The sharing is intended to make him understand the issue from the point of view of a wife and mother, trying to raise up children who will hopefully continue the efforts of our present generation in making our country a better place for all of us. Continuity is very important in building a better society. If my opinion somehow influences my husband’s decision, it is only because he sees another perspective or a better alternative that is good for more people for a longer period of time.
Just how strong is a spouse’s influence? Let’s hear it from some Congressional spouses.
Bernadette Barbers, homemaker, wife of 2nd District Surigao Rep. Ace Barbers: Yes, if issues of morality are at hand. But otherwise, he is too independent-minded and very principled. He has this penchant for philosophy and always bases his position on issues from famous philosophers.
Gina De Venecia, radio/TV host, wife of Speaker Joe de Venecia, 4th District, Pangasinan: I am concerned with the welfare of the marginalized Filipinos, especially the women and children.
If I feel strongly about a certain issue, I tell my husband about it. I don’t expect him to follow my line of thinking just because I say so.
I view it as an opportunity for him to find out what ordinary citizens are thinking because my friends and the masses – including my TV viewers and radio listeners as well as my acquaintances at tiangges – give me their consensus and I bring it up to him.
In a way, I act as a window to the world for my spouse.
Margie Moran-Floirendo, former Miss Universe, film producer, publisher, wife of Davao del Norte Rep. Tony Boy Floirendo: I do not influence him but we do discuss various issues that have an effect on concerns I am familiar with or am engageed in. Areas of concern would be environmental laws, tourism, politics and the socio-economic-political issues affecting Mindanao.
We talked at length on the subject of absentee voting because I received letters in the e-mail from Filipinos residing abroad to influence him in this area under discussion in Congress. We discuss (but oftentimes argue) on issues of governance and the direction the administration is taking to overcome the nation’s problems.
Ruth Padilla, businesswoman, civil leader, wife of Minority Floor Leader Carlos Padilla, Lone District, Nueva Vizcaya: We discuss issues objectively but not necessarily to influence his decision as I respect his position as a public official.
Trina Biazon, homemaker, wife of Muntinlupa Rep. Ruffy Biazon: Of course. One perfect example is the issue of divorce. Initially, we had opposing views on the matter. Because of the current developments in society such as heightened awareness about women’s rights and the prevalence of domestic abuse, I thought that the time was ripe for the Philippines to have a divorce law.
He said, however, that in countries where divorce is legal, marriage, which was once regarded as a sacred sacrament, is fast becoming a secular experience. It is often seen as an experiment. If it works, great; if not, try someone else.
He explained that every married couple should expect challenges along the way but the solution is not in breaking up but accepting our faults and in being sincere in our desire to change for the better.
He convinced me that instead of putting our best efforts into getting out of bad marriages, we should focus more on preventing them, that is, by coming up with programs that help couples for the rigors and trials of marriage.
Jeannie Ng Sandoval, manager, industrial gas business, wife of Malabon Rep. Ricky Sandoval: We always try to maintain our lines of communication open whether it’s on matters concerning the family or business and most especially the burning issues of the day.
Sometimes, we do tend not to agree on certain matters but there’s always a lively discussion which enriches our opinions. Influencing could be taken in the context of adding important information that’s useful in arriving at a fruitful and collective decision.
Mary Ann Arcega Dy, owner, catering business, wife of 3rd District Isabela Rep. Bojie Dy: I make it a point to express my views on certain matters. Many will agree that spouses usually have the most persuasive influence on their legislator mates. My intention, however, is not to wield such marital influence when I voice my opinions. I discuss matters with my husband with the hope that my opinion may serve as input in the determination of his stand on special concerns such as graft and corruption, divorce, abortion, the death penalty and other contemporary issues. He listens to my views, after all, I belong to the district he represents.
Margie Abary Duavit, homemaker, wife of 1st District Rizal Rep. Jack Duavit: I’m very lucky because Jack and I share the same views on almost everything. We both strive in our own capacity to help improve the lives of each and every Filipino, especially in our district. We have the same concerns on rising electricity rates, traffic (buses), consumer rights, accessibility to basic needs, environment and taxes. But when I feel strongly about an issue, Jack is sure to hear it from me. What he does with my views at work in Congress, I should ask his chief of staff.
Kathleen F. Santiago, homemaker, wife of Catanduanes Rep. Joseph A. Santiago: My categorical answer is NO. Before my husband entered politics in 2001, we had a serious talk on how his decision will affect our relationship as husband and wife and the effect on our two young children. We both believe that in making any important decision in life, a married couple should have the family as number one priority.
There are many critical issues our leaders need to address today. The more pressing ones are the budget deficit, graft and corruption, poverty, traffic management, terrorism and unsolved crimes.
We all want to live in a peaceful and progressive country. Both the rich and the poor have this aspiration – to live a better life than what we have now. And our present leaders in the executive, legislative and judicial branch of government are in a much better position to make this wish a reality.
There are quite a number of local, national and ethical issues that I feel strongly about. However, I make sure that I do not dictate to my spouse what he should do or stand for. I have too much respect for him and I believe in his objective, moral and intellectual judgment. As a Congressman, he has a better understanding of the big picture of the country while I may be focusing on small details. Thus, it is not appropriate for me to influence him on such issues.
However, on issues affecting moral values, I do not hesitate to share my thoughts with my husband. This sharing does not intend to influence him because in most cases, we share the same sentiment. The sharing is intended to make him understand the issue from the point of view of a wife and mother, trying to raise up children who will hopefully continue the efforts of our present generation in making our country a better place for all of us. Continuity is very important in building a better society. If my opinion somehow influences my husband’s decision, it is only because he sees another perspective or a better alternative that is good for more people for a longer period of time.
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