With the Asian Games over fencing has taken a backseat (for the moment) and his schedule is a tad better now. Lighter, yes, but packed just the same. Do I sound confused? Anyway, I always tease him that he was/is starting to morph into some sort of superman but that is not the point here. Fact is, I am no superwoman, and patient and understanding as I may well be I was for some time feeling like the left shoe in a pair. The right pair (Richard) was busily walking along the goings-on in his life while the left one (me, of course) was, well, left alone (pun intended). Don’t get me wrong. I would see him every day but you know the feeling that someone is physically there but not really there? I missed him but more than that, I missed us. And that much I told him because I staunchly believe in keeping the lines of communication open.
Just recently he took me out on a "date". And I mean that literally because for the first time in a long time he was the one who picked out the where and when of it all. We both love eating out with family and friends and as is the norm, we would frequent tried-and-tested places or just go along with whatever other restaurant anyone in the group suggests. That particular night he chose to take me to Tsukiji and it was just the two of us. Nothing fancy and fussy in the sense that we did not have to dress up to impress each other, there were no roses and candlelights but it was spontaneous and real. I wasn’t psyched up to enjoy the night in any particular way, I just knew I would take it as it came and enjoy the time we would have together, period. Before getting there we made a side trip to Powerbooks and I was like, "Uh-oh he’s going to load up on magazines to while away time... so much for talking and reconnecting".
But I was wrong. I really appreciated the fact that all throughout he was really there, body and mind. And everything seemed to just fall into place because his cell phone normally rings or beeps an average of three times every five minutes barely made a sound (or maybe it was in silent mode, it doesn’t matter anymore) and he was not thumbing through the pages of a magazine while waiting for the food to arrive.
It was really us, the way we used to be when we were just newly married and at that moment I was grateful for the spontaneity of it all. I never told Richard this but what I found especially sweet that night was when he moved from across the sunken table where he originally was seated to stay beside me. It doesn’t mean anything really but it felt downright nice. We were not making each other bola to beef up the night; we were just really talking and somehow touching base with what was hidden beneath the surface. Maybe sometimes we take each other’s presence for granted without really meaning to because we get so caught up with what needs to be done for the day but moments like these are opportunities to see and appreciate the other person for who he/she really is and what he/she represents in your life.
We’ve been married almost five years but in the course of two hours I found out things about him I never even knew. No major discoveries but it let me peek into moments in his life (even when I wasn’t there yet) that were nice to know just the same. He told me about the time he spent studying in New York, what the daily grind there was like for him, the new business he would like to set up soon – little things like that. We were not under the mercy of hurried and harried time, and I guess that’s what I was really thankful for. It was easygoing and carefree and... well, I couldn’t wait till the next one.
It happened soon enough for me because last night after I visited his Lola Lydia who had just gotten out of the hospital, he asked me to drop by the Binondo area where he was shooting his upcoming movie. He had just finished one scene and while the crew was setting up for the next one, we decided to wait in the van where we could watch TV until he was needed. I only intended to stay for 30 minutes at the most but then we started talking and talking and before we knew it the crew was already serving midnight snacks! A total of three hours had passed and we didn’t even notice it. Whereas the conversation during our prior "date" was quiet, this one was wacky. He regaled me with stories about the time he was yet single.
All I’m trying to say is, each "date" will be different – at times it will be romantic, other times it will be funny, some may yet be quiet and serene. But whatever the mood, just relish the moment. I know of couples who find time to do this kind of thing: there’s Gelli and Ariel who go out on dinner dates, just the two of them Alex and Monique who specically set aside Friday nights and are constantly on the lookout for new places to dine in and bond the in-laws of a friend of mine who take a trip by themselves once a year for what they call "planning sessions";Nene and Ver who, after more than two decades together, still hold hands while walking in the mall.
It doesn’t take much to make your wife happy and I hope every husband takes that statement to heart. Every relationship will benefit from quality time spent together. It can be in the form of dinner together, quiet conversation, watching a film, or simply being in the same room even without talking – whatever it is, just connect. Believe me, it will not take much to make your spouse bloom once again. It doesn’t have to be so regular that it becomes predictable. It just has to be often enough for both to realize what you have together and with each other.
Without a doubt, it is wonderful to be in the presence of family and friends. But from time to time it would also be nice to slow down, enjoy each other’s presence and remember all over again what brought you together in the first place. I just know that moments like these are what will tide you over to the other side when the going gets rough.