Beso-Beso: Should we or shouldn’t we kiss?

Many times we prod our children to "Kiss Tita...kiss Tito..." Is it tradition? Social custom? What’s the truth behind social kissing? Should we or shouldn’t we kiss? If we should, must it be on the lips, on the cheeks, or in the air? Should it be lips-to-cheek or cheek-to-cheek? Is it a peck on one cheek or both cheeks? Unfortunately, Miss Manners and Emily Post, didn’t write a handbook on social kissing, so armed with my Microsoft Encarta and travel books, I widened my research by looking into the customs of different countries that have had a hand in shaping ours.

I believe that settlers from the Malayan Archipelago first inhabited the Philippines. This dates back to the Ice Age 250,000 years ago. Relics have yet to be discovered to prove this theory, so I passed that one over and figured that social kissing could not have been from this culture. Then 15,000 years ago, the Mongoloid people from Southeast Asia migrated to our islands, followed by larger groups from China and Vietnam from about 7000 BC to 2000 BC. We obviously have Polynesian characteristics (light skin, dark hair) and obviously belong to the Malay race, but I chose to verify China’s customs first.

When socializing, the "Chinese nod politely or bow slightly when greeting a person. A handshake is also acceptable, especially at informal situations or to show respect. Except in crowds, where physical contact is unavoidable, the Chinese do not touch people they do not know. A smile is preferred to a pat on the back or a similar gesture." Obviously, the custom of social kissing didn’t come from this culture either. Neither did social kissing come from Vietnam. Socializing in this country entails handshaking and slight bowing.

After the third century, people from the Indonesian Archipelago migrated to the Philippines. So, I went on to research on the socializing customs of this neighbor. Like the Chinese, they usually greet each other with a nod or a slight bow "although when meeting someone for the first time it is normal to shake hands as well. When socializing, one never touches the head of another person. Unless married or engaged to her, a man usually does not touch a woman in public to shake hands." Note that the kissing tradition didn’t come from the Indonesians either...but I see a little window there. Indonesia was synonymous to the Dutch East India Company, so I went an extra mile and checked on the customs of Netherlands. "A firm handshake is the accepted way of greeting and parting from acquaintances, even children although it is quite usual for friends to kiss each other on alternate cheeks – close male friends sometimes hug each other. Aha! Kissing at last! Two kisses, alternate cheeks.

The fifth century was the onset of real cultural influences in our country. During this time, the fusion of various cultures paved the way for a new Filipino civilization. The countries of India, Middle East and China vied for trading supremacy. Since I know about Chinese tradition already, I checked on the Indian custom. "Out of respect for a woman’s supremacy, Indian men do not usually shake hands with or touch women in formal or informal gatherings. Indian men will, however, shake hands with Westerners, and educated women may do so as a courtesy." They don’t even touch the women in public, let alone kiss... Then I went on to check the Arab traditions. Surely, our Muslim brothers brought in some social kissing tradition to our country – "The most common is a handshake with the right hand and the phrase As-salaamu ’alaykum ("Peace be upon you"). This or a hand lightly grasping the person’s arm shows friendliness. Friends of the same sex sometimes kiss a number of times on the right and left cheeks. The greetings used depend on the individuals’ relationship to each other and their status in society. Three times with the head on the shoulder of the person you are greeting means respect and submissiveness. If the greeting comes after a long absence, the kisses may be repeated more than once, sometimes ending with a kiss on the forehead." There, I knew it. With my many visits to the South and my many Muslim friends, I knew they, too, had this socializing tradition. Kisses...even to the forehead.

In 1521, Ferdinand Magellan discovered the Philippines while in the service of Spain. Obviously, Spain was my next stop in this quest to understand social kissing. It is said that in this country, "a handshake usually accompanies a greeting. Male friends often add a pat on the back and, if they have not seen each other for some time, an abrazo (hug). Female friends often kiss each other on both cheeks when greeting or parting." Kissing again...on both cheeks.

In 1579, Sir Francis Drake, an English mariner, challenged the Spanish hold on the Philippines. But the English are known to be cold, usually misunderstood as curt, so I don’t believe it came from them either. But a little more research revealed "among friends women are often kissed (by men and women) lightly on one cheek." Then came the Americans in the Spanish-American War on April 21, 1898. The American greeting is highlighted by firm handshakes although like the English, they kiss among friends, too. They make two cheek-to-cheek gestures, left cheek first.

Next, I researched on Japan as it was the next to enter the Philippines when they attacked our country in 1941 amid World War II. However, we know that the traditional greetings between Japanese is a bow. Furthermore, "Japanese might shake hands with foreigners. Personal space is important, and people do not stand too close to each other when greeting or conversing." Clearly, social kissing did not come from the Japanese.

With all the conquering countries covered, I remembered that Magellan was Portuguese. So what does the Microsoft Encarta say about the socializing customs of Portugal? "A warm firm handshake is an appropriate greeting between men. People often greet those of the opposite sex, with a kiss on each cheek; women greet one another this way, as well. Children are expected to kiss adults in their extended family when greeting them. Touching is a common part of greeting because it shows friendship."

So there, I think it is safe for me to conclude that with Spanish auspices, combined with Portuguese ancestry, beso-beso must have been brought here by Magellan as early as when he conquered our archipelago. Hence, European style, the social tradition should therefore be two kisses...one on each cheek, right cheek first. The children will continue the kissing custom of the adults, a hand-me-down.