Gutenberg: Bark my name

MANILA, Philippines - I like to think of my dog as “The Cutest Doggie on Earth.” But every other dog owner probably considers his/her pet as such, so there’s not much of a distinction in that title. I figure then that if there were some other honorific that my dog could claim all his own, it would likely be “The Dog with the Most Mispronounced Name on Earth” — well, okay, if not on Earth, then in my village.

My dog’s name is Gutenberg.

An unusual name, I admit, and not one for easy hearing or saying. And so, some people avoid saying his name altogether, resorting to the generic siya (he) when referring to him, as in “Ay, nandiyan na siya” (Oh, there he is), which is how one woman greets him every day in his afternoon walk even if I make it a point to say his name loudly and slowly as often as I can for her sake.

Otherwise, people just make sounds-like versions of Gutenberg, as in Cottonbird, Cucumber, Gotengberd, Gotenburr, Kotongbert, or even Gunther. And then there is my favorite mispronounced variant, which came up in a conversation that ran thusly:

Lady: Anong pangalan niya? (What’s his name?)

Me: Gu-ten-berg.

Lady: (stares at me blankly, awkward silence, but then recovers and proceeds to ask) Anong lahi niya? (What breed is he?)

Me: Golden Retriever.

Lady: Ay, kaya pala “Golden Bear” ang pangalan niya! (Oh, no wonder his name is “Golden Bear”!)

With all the variations of his name thrown his way, poor Gutenberg must have an identity crisis. I would be the one to blame for this, of course. All mine is the obsession for books and the career built on reading; all mine the fascination for printing and so the tribute to the inventor of printing in the West (Johannes Gutenberg) and the first book he produced (the Gutenberg Bible, Mainz, c.1455, with only 21 complete copies surviving today out of around 180 to 200 originally printed). Gutenberg the dog couldn’t give a tick about any of this. But then again, he doesn’t seem to care how his name always gets mispronounced or, in the first place, why the heck he was named after a German goldsmith turned inventor-printer from the 15th century.

That’s the thing with naming pets, I suppose. You can be frivolous, whimsical, or random about the whole enterprise. Take for example my colleague Lily Rose Tope and her husband Dick who happened to be eating Chocnut while thinking of what to call their dog (Gutenberg’s brother incidentally). You can easily guess what name the dog ended up with eventually.

There’s no telling what the fallout might be from giving a child a frivolous, whimsical, or random name. But with a pet, you can be certain that, when it comes of age, it won’t go to court to change its name, blame you for all its deep feelings of inadequacy, curse you for its shortcomings and failures, claim all your property and life savings as a recompense for the endless suffering it endured due to its name. Your pet will continue to love you back as much you love it; it will continue to respond when you call its name, whether it be unpronounceable to others or not.

Gutenberg’s name issues don’t end with its pronunciation and origin, for there are other forms of his name besides the mispronounced versions. There are his royal name (Gutenberg the Golden), his Christian name (Gutenberg Francis, as he was born on the Oct. 4, the feast day of St Francis of Assisi), and of course his nicknames, which he has a full share of since, despite his English breed, he is all-Pinoy, born and bred in the Philippines. To family and friends then, Gutenberg is also Gooty (a good match to Chocnut’s Chocky), Gut-gut, Doggie. To me, he is also Gutenberger, Burger, Burgerrific, Doggielicious. Now, on this matter, he seems to care. Only to Gutenberg does he react; only to Gutenberg would he raise his head and look your way, and walk over — that is, if he can be bothered to do so. You see, not only is “Gutenberg The Dog with the Most Mispronounced Name in My Village”; he also happens to be “The Laziest, Sleepiest Dog in the Universe.”

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May Jurilla is associate professor at the University of the Philippines in Diliman, where she teaches book history and literature. Gutenberg, the Golden Retriever, is the dog of her life.