Out of my doldrums maybe?

I stare out of my bedroom window at the sunset, watching the sun, a great orange ball, quiver slowly as it sinks into the sea.  It colors the sky – orange around it, streaks of blue-green, too deep to be called aqua, too green to be labeled turquoise, too blue to be called teal.  What do you call this color?  I wonder idly then realize I don’t really care. Cumulus clouds are a brooding deep dark gray.  They are probably depressed, I think, then I wonder – am I too?

The sunset view is beautiful always from my flat and all I want to do is stare at it until the sky darkens. Then I contemplate the lights, all shades of yellow, occasional whites and blues. Traffic lights changing from red to green and back again. Beautiful, like jewels strewn at my feet. I sigh. 

 Come on, go to your computer and write your column already, I tell myself.  My body refuses to move. It’s like I’m glued to a spot, not thinking of anything in particular. Finally I go to my computer, turn it on. Apparently it has been on all day and up pops a Free Cell (solitaire) spread. I play again and again and again. Do I really enjoy this game? Why am I so stuck on it?

What is wrong with me anyway? It’s like my spirit died but I’m still breathing, technically alive, but not feeling a lot of life. My friends don’t want to believe that I am feeling this way. Nobody has a zest for life like you do, they say.

 But I have been feeling this way I think since the beginning of the year only I moved homes and dedicated my life to unpacking and getting resettled so I did not feel so spiritless or I wasn’t aware of it. I just felt exhausted all the time. But lately I have had to face it. When I wake up I look at my day stretching ahead and I know it doesn’t get my enthusiasm up. Recently I had lunch with my family and in the car on the way home suddenly, inexplicably I wanted to break down and cry but my driver was there. What would he think? And why did I want to cry anyway? I had no answers.

 So last Sunday I was cleaning my room and knocked down my Feng Shui book on the year. I saw 2014 was rated as an excellent health year but a very bad year for both my spirit essence and my life force. Now I found a scapegoat. I am feeling low and spiritless but it is not my fault. It’s because I’m a Wood Monkey.

 So I decided now to begin my writing classes. Maybe that will breathe some life into me.  So to all of you who have been inquiring about my Joy of Writing classes, I am starting a new series on Saturday, September 6 and every Saturday thereafter until Oct. 25.  It will cost P10,000 this time because someone told me I charge too little.  If you want to take my classes, please send me your email and I will send you the curriculum and requirements.

 I don’t have any prerequisites for people who want to enroll in my class.  You don’t have to know how to write already, except in longhand, of course.  You must be willing to learn. I will teach you a technique that will release the creativity in you and I hope release mine too and get me out of the doldrums.

Doldrums? I better look that up. Here’s part of what Wikipedia says:  The doldrums is a colloquial expression derived from historical maritime usage, in which it refers to those parts of the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean affected by the Intertropical Convergence Zone, a low-pressure area around the equator where the prevailing winds are calm. . . Colloquially, the “doldrums” are a state of inactivity, mild depression, listlessness or stagnation.  The word is derived from dold (an archaic term meaning “stupid”) and -rum(s), a noun suffix found in such words as “tantrum.”

That is exactly how I feel – mildly depressed, listless, stagnant and for the most part stupid. I don’t have the energy to write a proposal and I know I have one pending. I don’t have the energy to work on a presentation, which I will need to bring with me to Singapore next week. I don’t seem to have energy for anything except knitting which, after a while, is boring and brainless.

So let’s get started on my next “Joy of Writing” class. Let me know if now that I’ve written how much I will charge, you are still interested.  Then maybe you will pull me away from staring at the sunset and the sunrise daily.

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