I'll take care of you

Two photos inspired me to write this piece. 

The first was the photo I kept of my Major Mitchell pet cockatoos: “Mitch” the male, putting his wings around his mate, “Alice,” who was afflicted with a fatal virus on transit.  Mitch sensed that Alice wouldn’t last another day and he was right.  I wept silly when Alice died and wept again when I had to leave Mitch behind.

The other photo was of a bird holding baby birds under each of her wings.  She held the babies tight and made them feel that there was nothing in this world that she wouldn’t do to protect and keep them from harm, predators notwithstanding.  She must be the mother.

It’s natural instinct to want to protect the young and the frail, and we celebrate this in songs like I’ll Take Care of You by Steven Curtis Chapman (with a local version by Richard Poon); he was proud to tell the world he loved her until the end of time.

Another song, For Baby by the late John Denver, sang of the gentle strength that comes from parenting a child. This tiny bundle fills his mother with a sense of pride, joy and vulnerability.  He may be fragile but he can wield enormous power. He can melt his parents’ hearts by his mere presence and can make them jump in response to his cry for attention.  Not even the most powerful monarch can receive that spontaneous loyalty and affection from his subjects. 

In Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera, the young soprano Christine was gripped with terror at what the phantom was capable of doing to break her relationship with Raoul, but Raoul stood unperturbed.  He vowed to protect her, “No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears, I’m here nothing can harm you, my words will warm and calm you.”  If you hear anyone promising that to you, you know that you’ve got him by the throat. 

So, why, sweet mercy, do men lose their gallantry when they have wooed and finally won the women of their dreams?

The signs are obvious: He walks five paces ahead of his wife. As an afterthought, he looks behind, mumbling why she is walking like a turtle.  If they cross the street together, the wife faces the flow of traffic and maybe even stops traffic to avoid being hit by a car.  If they’re out dining, he orders first from the menu and checks his cellphone or talks to someone else.  When they’re in the cinema, he’d be snoring or making dumb remarks if not throwing irritating questions at his wife.

Another friend e-mailed me some photos from the Internet showing husbands who were voted as the top husbands of the year — from hell.  One guy carried a two-can cardboard carrier of beer while the wife carried the whole case; another slept inside the tent while the wife slept outside, exposed to the elements; still another drove a sport GT while the wife took a commuter bus.  “But hey!  The bus was air-conditioned,” argued the husband.  Beware.  When your husband does all these callous things, it is time to move — move him out.

I’ve often said that our parents raised us with utmost care and gentleness and damn any fellow who would do otherwise or, worse, act like a beast.  His ego is twisted, I assure you.

Some wives may put up with some odd behavior like his ceremoniously long toilette routine in spite of children queuing up outside the bathroom — but woe to any man who’d dare treat her like a mat and feel snug about it.

However, it is difficult if the woman has been raised to follow a culture that elevates men to a superior ranking than women.  You cannot argue against it if women themselves accept them willingly without fear, fuss or favor.  The one that makes me shudder with disbelief is young girls being married off to adult men who are 50 years their senior, old enough to be their grandfathers.  The family’s economic standing drives some of these parents to desperation.

But the other side shows a bright spectrum.  There are men who continue to cherish and take care of their wives, like they were their very reason for living.  My friend filled their house with roses for his wife because he was genuinely happy to be back home while another serenaded his wife the old-fashioned harana way when she turned another summer older.

A big hit on YouTube is this video called “Webcam 101 for Seniors.”  An old couple accidentally recorded themselves while trying to figure out how to use their new computer. The old man was admiring his wife’s red dangling earrings, singing to her and even dropping suggestive remarks, showing that she was still the object of his desire regardless that the blossom on her cheek had obviously turned to chalk.  “You’ll do fine, honey.  You always figure it out,” he whispered.  He continued to honor his wife by bringing the gift of love into his life the way that God meant it to be.

Now wouldn’t you want to grow old with this kind of a fellow? In return, the thrilled little wife cooed, “Sweetheart, I will take care of you.”