Thumbs up for 'Rules of Thumb'

My alma mater organized a forum and I showed up simply to add warm bodies to the assembly and for nothing else. “Miss Jacinto,” said my former class adviser. (There you are. My teachers seemed to have never accepted the fact that I had fully grown.) “Come up the stage and tell us what advice you can give to our freshmen on the rules of dating undergraduates like them.”

 Yikes! My teacher was now asking me for my opinion? In the good old bygone days, I would have clammed up and smiled demurely having been taught not to hurt anyone’s feelings with acerbic remarks. But that was over 45 years ago, so I cleared my throat and replied, “Ah, the rule of thumb is ‘When someone tells you ‘trust me,’ don’t!”   The moderator and the student body laughed and raised their arms hooting like owls at my expressed opinion.

To be honest, my advice was based on my experience. Once, I sat and listened to that statement being said to me and like the rule said, this scoundrel broke his promise. But since I was the heroine in this story, I remained standing strong and resilient while the other party stayed in the damp caught in quick sand, so to speak. It’s so silly now but one that I enjoyed recalling, in hindsight. Rules of thumb are precisely that: A collection of experience or observations by people who bothered to look at how things worked or got done.

In one of my treks to the book store, author Tom Parker made a compilation of all these rules that had grown immensely through the years because a lot of people had contributed their “wise sayings” based on their personal experience, some common sense, a bit of old folk wisdom and the effort exerted to have stayed alert. But before these tips were included in his book, Tom Parker made sure that each rule had been put to the test with the expected result sealed and authenticated.

I quote some of them below and see which ones our readers can attest as being true based on their own personal experience:

“Give your child a library card when he or she is able to write his or her full name,” said Norman Brenner.  The first time I brought my grandson to the public library, he was only a year old. He was happy to turn the pages of those colorful picture books but he was not interested to read the words out loud. He was too young. But keep encouraging kids by making reading a daily part of their routine. My grandson reads an hour before bedtime and his vocabulary has continuously increased from this nightly ritual.

When asked an important question, always pause for at least a silent count of three before answering. You will appear to be more thoughtful and intelligent.”  This must be a public speaking tip that has been proven right through the years. Except, maybe in a beauty contest when the finalists are under pressure to reply instantly lest give the judges that disastrous impression that they are dumb, shallow and dense.

“You know you’ve become comfortable with a foreign language when you dream in that language,” according to Dennis Palaganas. So, do you talk in French or Spanish in your dreams? I once dreamt of singing the Gypsy Kings’ popular hit, A mi manera, their version of Frank Sinatra’s My Way sang in Gitane, a Spanish dialect influenced by French and Catalan, an incredible feat. The funny part is that I knew that I was dreaming so I sang in wild abandon. Someone, however, analyzed my dream and concluded that it was just my subconscious attempt to be fluent in both languages when in reality, I was not.

“You need to run a TV ad at least 12 times if you want voters to remember your candidate,” advises Jim Margolis, political ad specialist. Keep the ad short and catchy, too, like that campaign jingle by an incumbent senator who used an ad that danced and sang the number of his slot in the official ballot. This is the power of “name recall.” The voters easily memorized his number and wrote it down on the ballot that made him top the election.

“You can determine whether a ghost is real by crossing your eyes. If the image doubles, the ghost is there. If not, it’s all in your mind,” said Scott Parker, data specialist.   I’ve never tried this for obvious reasons, but the other rule of thumb that comes close to this is “When you feel that edgy sensation of your hair standing up at the back of your neck, there is a spirit or a ghost nearby.” When that happens, grab company and run out as fast as you can.

If you think you saw a mouse, you did.” That pesky shadow that you saw in a split-second was real. Trust your instincts, and bring out the flypaper.  By next morning, you’d see “Remy” that Ratatouille character nibbling on the sticky paper.

“For every one week spent in the hospital, plan on one week to recuperate,” said Jon Crispin. Do not hasten the capacity of your body to recover from an illness. Give yourself ample time. The body follows a different timetable from the mind so listen to it. Your bones and your muscles will tell you the actual state of your health.

“When lying, don’t explain too much. And remember that odd numbers are more believable than even numbers,” according to Terry Larimore, therapist. This is something that is new to me. Not that we would need to lie to get attention or get our way but it pays to know, to avoid being lied to, the hapless victim.

“If you’re showing slides or photos to company you went on vacation with, show only half the pictures. If your company wasn’t there, show only one out of five — and then only if you’ve been asked,” advises Frank Cleary, teacher and physicist. What we fail to remember is that your photos are precious only to you and not to others — unless you have your visitors in the same photos. I’ve made it a practice to show only group photos or solo photos of others, not my face. I find that you get more people interested if you don’t hug the photos. Apply this rule to audio-visual presentations, too, and limit your video to only three minutes.

You can live three seconds without blood, three minutes without air, three days without water, and three weeks without food,” said Sandy Figuers, geologist.  Take note of this “Survival rule of three.” It can be a good conversation piece. I hope none of us would be faced with emergency situations where we can attest to and prove the validity of this rule.

“If a boiled lobster’s tail isn’t curled, it was dead before it was boiled,” said T. M. Prudden, lobster expert. The trouble with this rule is we don’t witness the lobster being boiled in the kitchen. When we order lobster thermidor or lobster bisque soup, the meat has already been flaked if not scooped from the shell. This one ought to aid those apprentice chefs and make them look learned and experienced. 

“When giving a child two options, make sure they’re both acceptable to you,” according to Child psychologists. You’re giving early exposure to your child on the privilege of having the freedom to choose. But unknown to the child, you as the parent or guardian had already narrowed down his choices to what you are prepared to give. It’s what one child psychologist shared with me — you give the choice between two goods and not between the lesser of two evils. No matter what the child chooses, you are snug in your feeling that you are indeed “smarter” than your junior. It’s a win-win scenario every time until your child grows up and becomes “smart” like you or worse, “smarter” than you. 

There are at least 1,000 rules of thumb on just about any subject under the sun. You’d have fun quoting some of those you have actually tried and tested but then again, maybe there’s no need to do that when other experts had done them for you. They’ve staked their reputation on these rules so tip your hat to them and feel, look and sound smart, for the serious fun of it.