Make yourself happy

Last week’s column on boredom drew such a response that I had to turn off my cell to be able to have a brief siesta and a long night’s sleep. It beeped, beeped and beeped, full of people’s comments — some good, some bad, a few quite touching. 

There was a woman who sent me a text that said she was so angry at her husband’s philandering that it had turned her numb. I asked why she had not left him, expecting an answer about not having alternative income or it was a mortal sin, something like that. But she said they had an incapacitated adopted son and she did not want the boy to miss his father, whom he loves so much.

That touched me. Then find something to do that will make you happy, I advised. Ordinarily I don’t like to give advice. It is too tiring for me. I remembered an earlier text that told me the person loved his/her garden. I don’t know from their texts if they are male or female. Let’s just assume it was a woman. She spends all her free time in her garden, watering, walking around. She is never bored. Wonderful! She has a hobby, I thought. That’s what gardening is to her.

What is the solution to boredom? Is it to leave your job or your mate? Frankly, I don’t think so, even if I said I quit my last job out of extreme boredom. That much was true and I could not lift myself above the boredom but generally you can continue working at your job but find a bit of alleviation from your boredom by having a hobby, something you really enjoy doing. Some people read books on their way to work and before going to sleep. They enjoy that. A book opens your imagination to other things. I would never have written about boredom if I had not been reading The 4-Day Week. Now I am reading a very witty and amusing book that sets me laughing by myself. When I read a book I escape into another life and see what that’s like. That’s why people write books. To amuse others and keep them entertained. That’s why I write this column.

Some people — men especially — enjoy playing golf or with their computers. I have an uncle who taught himself how to handle a computer when he turned 80. Now he is 96, he still fiddles with his computer. If you have a computer, you can spend the whole day with it. You can play computer games, send e-mail, explore the Internet. Someone sent me a text saying he and his wife must be bored with each other because they are on Facebook until 2 a.m. Maybe they are and maybe they are not. Does it give them something new to talk about? Does it make each of them more interesting to the other? If not, then maybe they should sit and talk honestly. Honesty is equally important.

The trick to boredom is to find something interesting for you to do. There is a 72-year-old gentleman who lives alone in a five-bedroom house. He is lonely. He wants to know what he can do with his house. I want to ask him — what do you enjoy doing? Do you have maids? Do they cook well? Maybe you can turn it into a merienda station for older people, where your neighbors can come and talk to each other over delicious guinataan.   Maybe you can charge a little or charge a lot. Maybe you can open it up for meetings of the local chamber of commerce. Or maybe you can sell the house and buy yourself a smaller place to live in. Maybe you can use your imagination to figure that one out.

In the Philippines we were never taught to imagine, think or plan. We just sort of stood on a street corner and boarded the first bus that came along, rode until it stopped. Then we got off because we had to and boarded the next bus that came by again. Did we know where we were going? No, and we didn’t much care.    The bus was going somewhere. We were taking that ride. Sometimes we stayed on being bored forever.

Our culture and our religion did not teach us that we have to take responsibility for our own happiness. They taught us to ignore things, to look but not to see deeply, and to never talk to each other about things that may cause some upset. But we have to be honest to achieve happiness. We have to sit down and ask ourselves: What do I really want? What will make me happy? Maybe you can write it down. Then you can study it and then do it. Boredom doesn’t go away like magic. We have to constantly work on keeping ourselves interested in at least one of the things we do. It must be something that brings a smile to our face or at least keeps us riveted. It must make our own lives meaningful. Then we can turn to our mates and see what we can do with them that will make our relationship more interesting and meaningful because we are already happy.

We must make ourselves happy first.

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