What life brings

For many years I have done my groceries at Cash & Carry, seeing it grow from a supermarket into a mall. I like the supermarket because it is friendly, not pretentious at all, and carries many things I like at reasonable prices. You must remember I am retired, so my monthly income is no longer what it used to be. Besides, I’m really a cheap shopper. I like to poke into the boutiques on the second floor to see if I can buy leggings and T-shirts for less.

One day I decided to enter the supermarket through a side door in the mall and saw a T-shirt with wild prints. I fell in love with it. What is it that I find so attractive? I am drawn to solid colors all the time. Twiggy, my brain said. Yes! The print brought back memories of the psychedelic era, when I was in my early 20s, when skinny Twiggy was the top model. The T-shirt would not fit me. I am in my 60s now — even if I don’t feel it. My stomach has spread, my arms sag and flap, my body is horrible.

But I can still wear leggings, long or three-quarters. I don’t even know what people today call that length. Pedal pushers are what we used to call it when we were young because it was positioned as the ideal length to wear on a bike. And I can still wear long T-shirts in plain colors that come in XL. If I lived in the USA, I would fit into a medium. But I am Pinay. In my own country I wear extra large.

I look with much amusement at people who wear really short skirts. I fight a desire to tap them on the shoulder and say, when I was your age, I used to wear those, too. My bosses then would ask me to please get a folder at the bottom of the filing cabinet, hoping to see more. I squatted and they saw nothing. 

About a year ago, while selling at the Legazpi Market, I saw an old friend. I knew him from high school. He always carried a camera then and had taken pictures me. One day he came with a brown envelope. “Your pictures that I kept,” he said, “I want you to have them.” There was a nice shot of me laughing and another of me talking on the telephone looking horrible. I gave him a questioning look. “Look at your legs,” he said, “fabulous!” I wish I knew it then. Why tell me that when I’m this old and the legs are gone?

I went to a photo shoot and watched them put false eyelashes on the model. I used to wear those before. Every single day I would wake up and paste false eyelashes on my lids. They are very flattering; give your eyes a whole new look. Are they back in fashion? Of course they are, they have been for a few years now. When did I see that salesgirl wearing eyelashes stuck on individually?   I remember when I used to go to the beauty parlor to have those done. Then I woke up mornings and picked up fallen eyelashes from my pillow. After enough of them had fallen off, I would go back to the parlor and have my eyelashes redone.

And eyeliner! I used to be so good at applying eye makeup. Now I am blind. If I hold my eyelid and pull it forward I have an inch of skin sticking out. I remember someone telling me that when I had half an inch of skin sticking out it was time to have an eye job. I am way past that time. These days makeup goes on in five minutes: Powder, quick blush, dark brown eye shadow to restore the shape of the eyes, eyebrows, mascara and lipstick. Finished. Do I use liquid eyeliner? Once in a rare while when I go out at night. I trust my hand to apply it because I can’t see. I am almost blind. Can’t see well without my glasses. You expect me to put on my glasses then apply eyeliner?

Sometimes I apply lipstick with a brush because I bought an expensive lipstick whose color I love but the recent surge of heat caused it to break and the top half stuck to the top of the metal container. When I use the brush, lipstick is applied just by feel.

I look at the new high-heeled shoes and remember my electric-blue four-inch heels with a rose that I wore when I boogied all Saturday night. I remember how painful my legs were when I went to sleep but how I slept so long. I woke up past noon on a Sunday. Now all I wear are Fit Flops and no matter what I do, I wake up at 6:30 any day. But I had enough good times.

I know I will have more simple times, but differently good times. Life is like that. It’s interesting as you grow older. You remember, you revisit, you smile somewhat wistfully. You want to tell the young people, you think your life is exciting now? Ha! You should have seen my life then! But then, why spoil their fun, right?

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