Valentine thoughts
This week I opened what might be my last writing class. We had quite a bit of fun and after I had done my lecture I decided to give them a trite word to write about — Valentine. After about 20 minutes of writing they began to read their work out loud. Most of my students used the word “commercialized” in their pieces, a specialty event with lots of monetary value for flower shops, bake shops, candy stores, and even jewelry shops. But they also pointed out that it was a day meant for celebrating love, an emotion that probably deserved some celebration.
Mothers celebrate Valentine’s Day with their sons. Families celebrate it together. Wives and husbands celebrate it together. Grandmothers and their granddaughters celebrate it together, too. People without valentines this year have their first event — lunch at Lily Pad. My partner Tina Tan and I invited friends who have no valentines. We will eat and drink and be merry and celebrate love maybe not for each other but hey, let’s eat and drink, anyway.
Suddenly, I have a memory of being seven years old and awakened by my mother on Valentine’s Day.
She had a present for me. “Quick, open it,” she said, smiling happily. It was the loveliest nylon nightgown I had ever seen. It was cream with little blue and yellow roses embroidered on it. It made me feel very beautiful and special. That was my first memorable valentine. It was from my mother.
Then the teen years came — roses, chocolates, champoy, teddy bears, bracelets, more roses. As I grew older and hit my prime — jewels and champagne. Then it was back to roses, occasional earrings. Then just roses: first a dozen, then six, then three. Then I went for my senior’s card and settled for a 20-percent discount on lunch. My romantic life was over. No more romance.
But wait, do I really mean that? Doesn’t life renew? I hear about friends who have married in their 60s, ran into their old high school crushes. Now that both of them are widowed, they skipped down the aisle together. Would I do that? Would I marry again?
There is this lovely place I strayed into at Tagaytay — Moon Café. It is such a romantic place. I could see myself walking down the aisle in a lovely lavender dress, walking to that bridge over the lotus pond, taking my wedding vows with somebody tall, dark, and handsome; having a wonderful, dreamy reception, dancing to The Way You Look Tonight cheek to cheek. When the last guest has gone, giving him a check and saying, “Thank you. You may go home now.” But I can’t find a tall, dark, handsome groom for rent. That’s the sum of the marriage I dream about. My wedding. No keeping of the rented groom. Tell me if that’s reality.
Still, I hear about older people running into each other and falling in love. Some are May-December affairs. Men in their 60s with women in their 20s. I think that is a talent match. Men in their 60s are fading and girls in their 20s are just awakening, a perfect match for a while. But what happens when this young woman learns well and he just gets older? What happens when this woman gets post-menopausal and she still has her looks? In the US, they turn into cougars — older women who go out with younger men for the energy they offer. It is another talent match. So see, there are occasions for romantic love among older people but here they are hard to find.
Where does an older woman find love in a country like the Philippines where everyone seems so unreasonably age-oriented? Look at the want ads. Nobody wants a secretary over 30. Why not? Most likely because the boss doesn’t want to sleep with a woman who is 31! What about computer expertise? What about personality and character? Do those things not matter? It seems not. It looks like all you have to be is young and pretty and you’ll make it to secretary. It’s a shameful thing, really.
Well, but since we all live in the Philippines, let’s leave it up to God. If He wants us to find a man or a woman, He will put one in our path. God will provide, we always say. And if He doesn’t, let’s just keep praying. But since we all live in the Philippines, come to my stall at the Legaspi market and buy an anting-anting that will help you find a wonderful man. I have sold quite a few of those and the buyers tell me they work. I gave it to a niece and she swears she has men flocking to her. Well, she is very pretty but okay, it’s the anting-anting.
What the heck, it’s Valentine’s Day, a day for paying tribute to that wonderful emotion called love. Let’s eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we just might find it!
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