Older woman-younger man: Does age matter?

When Demi Moore started to date Ashton Kucher, friends literally wrote an obituary on their relationship.  Gorgeous as she is, the fact remains that she is more than 10 years older than he is. But thay defied the age problem and are now happily married to one another. Or so it seems.  There are so many of these types of relationships in tinseltown that it is becoming a trend and no longer considered a taboo. Time was when this  ”older woman-younger man” realtionship was frowned upon and the parties concerned kept it under wraps. There was something weird about a mature woman dating a man more than 10 years her junior.  But daring women like Cher and Madonna put an end to this taboo. They blatantly displayed their gorgeous young hunks which the media called their “boy toys.”  Thanks to these celebrities, it is fashionably chic and no longer embarrassing for older women to date younger men nowadays.

We don’t get confronted with the realities of December-May romances until somebody close to you is in that situation. Last month, my close friend Laura, who lives in New York City, arrived in Manila with a boy toy in tow. They were my house guests and stayed with me for two weeks.  She must be at least 12 years older than he is and the minute they walked into my living room, I instantly put a death sentence on their realtionship. I hated myself for giving such a harsh judgement, but that was my first impression.  There was no mistaking their age gap. My girl friend is very attractive and looks younger than her age, but so does her boy toy. But to my surprise, they were the easiest house guests I ever had in my life. They were sooooo happy together and had a lot of common interests. There was nothing fake about their realtionship and they did not pretend to look happy. They were genuinely happy. Could it be because she is biologically young for her age and he is mentally old for his?

As I got to know him better, he told me he grew up with a grandmother who exposed him to the finer things in life. As a young man, he grew up appreciating the arts and music and good eating places.  And it did not hurt that he went to an Ivy league school in Connecticut.  He and Laura clicked in more ways than one. She loved going to the theater and museums and so did he.  She loved the movies, baseball, shopping, and trying out new eating places and so did he. He understood when she had to spend time with her two kids from a previous marriage. It gave him time to play golf and connect with his buddies. I have not seen my girl friend as happy as she is today.

As glorious as older woman-younger man relationships can seem to be, they are not without problems.  One of Laura’s fears is growing physically old long before her partner and how that eventually will affect their intimate life.  No matter how well she keeps herself, the fact is she is 12 years older and her sex drive will wane sooner than his.  And when this happens, it is her perception that he could start looking at younger women.

Another issue is her ticking biological clock. ”Either the woman’s biological clock has run out or, as is often the case, she already has children and does not want to have more, “ says a psychologist friend whom I consulted and does not wish to be identified. “If the man is young, he may want the experience of fathering a child and that could be a big problem in the future.”  As for my friend Laura, she is all of 45 years and has no intentions of having more children. So it could be a problem for them in the fuure.  They said they will cross the bridge when they get there, but for the moment, they are so in love and want to enjoy the moment.

After Laura nd her boy toy left, I seriously gave their situation a lot of thought and did a little research on my own.

I talked to three young men in their 30s and asked them if they would consider dating an older woman. All of them said yes for the following reasons: 1) Older women are more sophisticated and worldly and smart, hence never boring. 

2) An older woman knows herself sexually and emotionally, and could be very comfortable for a man. 

3) An older woman is usually financially independent and that is a powerful aphrodisiac for many young men.

One 35-year-old man said, “During my father’s time, the only choice a young man had was to marry a younger woman and be the breadwinner. Today, by choosing a woman many years older who has her own career, a man can take time to pursue his dreams. He can go to med school or become a concert pianist or start his own business, all without having to worry about being a breadwinner.”

Many older woman-younger man relationships have endured and most of them defend and highly recommend their choice. They say if a couple is willing to confront the difficulties, the rewards are great.

High-profile society lady Ivana Trump, ex-wife of real estate mogul-turned-TV reality show producer Donald Trump, recently tied the knot with a young handsome Italian.  The wedding generated a lot of publicity and during one of her interviews, Ivana was asked why she chose to marry a younger man.  The ever witty Ivana quipped, “I would rather be a baby-sitter than a caregiver!”