Everybody was kung fu fighting

Dear Tanya,

My husband and I have been arguing about our daughter’s extra-curricular activities. He wants her to get into martial arts and I want her to take up ballet or any kind of musical instrument. She is five years old. I want her to learn to appreciate culture and the arts at a young age. Martial arts might be too boyish for her, while other sports, I figure, she can learn when she starts grade school.

Maya

Dear Maya,

Here’s a radical idea: Why don’t you ask your daughter what she wants to do? At her age, she must have an idea what it is she will enjoy more.

Martial arts too boyish for your girl? My dear, did you just wake up from a coma in the 1950s? Did you grow up believing that Cinderella was a real person and that for every woman there is a man out there who will ride on a horse and rescue her from the wicked witch? Even Princess Fiona has gotten with the times. Maybe you should, too.

I do agree with you that at a young age, children must be exposed to literature, music, dance and other performing arts. But some part of me also knows how important sports and physical activities are in one’s life. 

I grew up without being into sports. Hell, I can’t even ride a bike! So when people use the expression “It’s just like riding a bike,” I actually don’t know what they mean. It was only later in life that I got into running (as in two years ago) and it has been one of the best experiences in my life. I was in such a hurry and worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it if I waited (I’m now 37 — not exactly a spring chicken) that after just a handful of short-distance races, I did my first 42k. It took a lot of moxie to be sure but it also took a lot out of me to train for it. It’s not easy to get into sports late in life. After several months with an injured ankle and not joining races, I now feel like I’m starting from scratch again. 

So, yes, on this one I must side with your husband. While ballet will develop your daughter’s grace and provide physical activity, it’s not something that both of you can do with her (unless your husband doesn’t mind wearing tights and learning ballet at his age, which is like asking him to train pigs to fly). Martial arts, meanwhile, both of you can do with your daughter. I like that kids today, regardless of gender, get into martial arts at a young age.

Martial arts will develop your daughter’s discipline and physical strength. It will also teach her empowerment as a girl. Putting a girl in a traditionally male-dominated activity is a good thing, it will develop her in ways not even you can teach. When I was in grade school, the boys learned how to make cabinets and radios in practical arts class; we girls learned how to make ugly doilies. Guess what? I’ve never made a doily in my life ever again, but I have found myself with broken cabinets that needed fixing and I can’t do it myself.

One of my male friends took up jujitsu a couple of years ago. When he was studying in Michigan, he felt how palpable racism was in the US. One day he was walking back to his apartment and a wino sitting on a sidewalk was whispering racial slurs as he walked by. My friend said later that the first thing he learned in martial arts is when not to use martial arts.

There are so many different kinds of martial arts that your daughter can choose from. I suggest you scope out the schools with her, see what grabs her attention and talk to teachers about what is most appropriate for her age.

During a visit to China many years ago, I saw a demonstration of young students kung fu fighting — so gracefully kicking, flying in the air, breaking wood with their foreheads, and apparently enjoying themselves. You could also sense their deep respect for their master.

Also, martial arts and cultural arts aren’t mutually exclusive. Your daughter can still pick up a musical instrument on weekends. Let her try two things at once and see what sticks. And while she’s at it, teach her a foreign language as well. That’s another thing that’s easier to learn when you’re young.

I took up French for two years when I was in my early thirties….It was as difficult as riding a bike — at least for me.

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Home 911 answers questions about the home — cleaning problems, DIY projects, decorating ideas, home store resources, and things you’ve always wanted to know about but never had the friends to ask. Home 911 runs twice a month and will ask the experts on your behalf. For questions and suggestions, e-mail philstar_home911@yahoo.com. Please include your  first name/pseudonym.  All questions will be answered through this column, appearing twice a month  — Tanya is too lazy and too chatty to answer individually.