New ways to turn each other on
April 14, 2007 | 12:00am
My friends Suzanne and Jon are in their mid 30s and have been married for 10 years. They are parents of three lovable boys. To keep them afloat financially, Suzanne works in a multinational company as head of its PR department. Juggling her role as mother, housewife, and career person leaves Suzanne exhausted at the end of the day. Going to the beauty salon once a week is the ultimate form of luxury for her.
Jon is just as busy in his career and being father to three precautious boys. Working overtime on a daily basis is the only way for him to support his number one passion in life: playing golf with his buddies.
What about their love life, I ventured to ask Suzy. "Huh, what love life? We are so tired we don’t even have the energy to think about it!" She quips.
This is the sad ending in most marriages. After the children come, the love life comes to a screeee-ching halt.
I could not help but sympathize with Suzanne and Jon. Still young, still in love, and so devoid of physical energy for each other. The demands of parenthood and financial restraints are just too much of a drain on their psyche. What happens to a sexless marriage? Will it necessarily end up in a divorce?
According to an expert on relationship, Dr. J Kuriansky, couples like Suzanne and Jon don’t necessarily end up separating. They are too tired to even argue. They are too tired to even think of how much they have drifted physically apart. For the moment, they have simple dreams: getting rooted in a dream house they can call their own and tiding the kids over through college.
When was the last time they had intimacy? "Can’t remember! Perhaps a year ago. Sometimes I feel so withered. Like a flower that needs the rain…" she has that faraway look in her eyes as if recalling the good old romantic days. She snaps out of it and quickly adds, "but Jon is so tired at the end of the day. He unwinds by playing with the kids, then watches the news, and off he goes to dreamland."
According to therapists, this scenario is so typical with many couples. Husband and wife find it tough to unwind from the demands of their daily routine and are too tired to have romance. But there are simple ways and means to put couples like Suzanne and Jon in the mood for love when they so desire.
Let’s start with nutrition. There are foods that energize a person sexually and foods that turn one off. According to Simon Brown, a macrobiotic nutritionist who also practices a form of Chinese herbalism that looks at how food affects the energy of the body, if you want to improve your sexual energy, don’t eat a lot of red meat, because animal protein has been linked to the kidneys and decreased sexual desire. Dairy and ice cream before bedtime also have a negative effect on your sex drive. Top foods to make you both feel randy are seaweed, shiitake mushrooms, cabbage, carrots, miso soup, wholegrain rice, and oysters (zinc)  all of which contain essential vitamins and minerals as well as balanced energy to help you feel more sensual and give you more stamina for love. For a really steamy evening, try ginger wine. According to aromatherapists and the ancient Romans, ginger is one of the strongest aphrodisiacs around. Add ginger root to a bottle of dry white wine, let it steep for a couple of weeks, then have a few glasses when you want to feel romantic.
Another prescription of experts is having a massage. Massage is a very effective way of feeling relaxed and sexy. A foot massage is one option. According to shiatsu experts, briskly rubbing the soles of the feet, then gently massaging the whole foot increases sexual vitality and makes his erection last longer. Ancient Chinese sex experts give this tip: Press the point between the tendons of the big toe and second toe, about two inches up from the webbing of the foot, a dozen times for 10 seconds on each foot. This point, known as the "Supreme Thrust" will give you an instant rush of sexual energy, but do it only after a foot massage because you need to feel relaxed to get the full benefit.
Acupressure can also give you a sexual boost. On either side of your spinal column is an energy channel called the "Channel of Control," through which sexual energy travels up the body. Light pressure, with the thumb on either side of the spine (make sure you don’t put pressure on the spine itself) starting at the bottom and working upwards, will enhance sexual feelings and make you feel sexy all over. When you have finished, briskly rub your hands up and down your partner’s body to make him/her feel ready for love.
Massage each other in sensual aromatherapy oils. Top aromatherapist Patricia Davis recommends adding three drops of sandal wood and five drops of jasmine to a base oil such as almond oil or three drops of ylang ylang, two drops neroli, and one drop bergamot, then rubbing each other for that all-over sexy feel.
For those couples who are not into massage, try meditation. Find a quiet place to sit, then visualize all your worries floating away or imagine them being wrapped up in big plastic bags and then dropped over a bridge. Or summon up mental images of past love-making sessions. What did they sound like? How did they smell? Where did we do it? Remind yourself of past pleasures, then bring those feelings into the present.
Another great sex booster is hydrotherapy. Take a hot scented bath together and take a glass of wine each for that romantic touch. If you are really adventurous, buy an inexpensive shower massage and take a shower together. Make it hit the right spots to give you that sexy feeling and make love in the shower. Or, try taking a hot shower, then a cold shower before going to bed. This will make your skin tingle all over and make you feel sexy for romance.
The point is, a couple should address the issue of a lackluster physical relationship and do something about it. Suzanne need not feel like a withered flower at her young age. Neither do countless other women in Suzanne’s situation. Even the desert needs an occasional dose of rain, doesn’t it?
Jon is just as busy in his career and being father to three precautious boys. Working overtime on a daily basis is the only way for him to support his number one passion in life: playing golf with his buddies.
What about their love life, I ventured to ask Suzy. "Huh, what love life? We are so tired we don’t even have the energy to think about it!" She quips.
This is the sad ending in most marriages. After the children come, the love life comes to a screeee-ching halt.
I could not help but sympathize with Suzanne and Jon. Still young, still in love, and so devoid of physical energy for each other. The demands of parenthood and financial restraints are just too much of a drain on their psyche. What happens to a sexless marriage? Will it necessarily end up in a divorce?
According to an expert on relationship, Dr. J Kuriansky, couples like Suzanne and Jon don’t necessarily end up separating. They are too tired to even argue. They are too tired to even think of how much they have drifted physically apart. For the moment, they have simple dreams: getting rooted in a dream house they can call their own and tiding the kids over through college.
When was the last time they had intimacy? "Can’t remember! Perhaps a year ago. Sometimes I feel so withered. Like a flower that needs the rain…" she has that faraway look in her eyes as if recalling the good old romantic days. She snaps out of it and quickly adds, "but Jon is so tired at the end of the day. He unwinds by playing with the kids, then watches the news, and off he goes to dreamland."
According to therapists, this scenario is so typical with many couples. Husband and wife find it tough to unwind from the demands of their daily routine and are too tired to have romance. But there are simple ways and means to put couples like Suzanne and Jon in the mood for love when they so desire.
Let’s start with nutrition. There are foods that energize a person sexually and foods that turn one off. According to Simon Brown, a macrobiotic nutritionist who also practices a form of Chinese herbalism that looks at how food affects the energy of the body, if you want to improve your sexual energy, don’t eat a lot of red meat, because animal protein has been linked to the kidneys and decreased sexual desire. Dairy and ice cream before bedtime also have a negative effect on your sex drive. Top foods to make you both feel randy are seaweed, shiitake mushrooms, cabbage, carrots, miso soup, wholegrain rice, and oysters (zinc)  all of which contain essential vitamins and minerals as well as balanced energy to help you feel more sensual and give you more stamina for love. For a really steamy evening, try ginger wine. According to aromatherapists and the ancient Romans, ginger is one of the strongest aphrodisiacs around. Add ginger root to a bottle of dry white wine, let it steep for a couple of weeks, then have a few glasses when you want to feel romantic.
Another prescription of experts is having a massage. Massage is a very effective way of feeling relaxed and sexy. A foot massage is one option. According to shiatsu experts, briskly rubbing the soles of the feet, then gently massaging the whole foot increases sexual vitality and makes his erection last longer. Ancient Chinese sex experts give this tip: Press the point between the tendons of the big toe and second toe, about two inches up from the webbing of the foot, a dozen times for 10 seconds on each foot. This point, known as the "Supreme Thrust" will give you an instant rush of sexual energy, but do it only after a foot massage because you need to feel relaxed to get the full benefit.
Acupressure can also give you a sexual boost. On either side of your spinal column is an energy channel called the "Channel of Control," through which sexual energy travels up the body. Light pressure, with the thumb on either side of the spine (make sure you don’t put pressure on the spine itself) starting at the bottom and working upwards, will enhance sexual feelings and make you feel sexy all over. When you have finished, briskly rub your hands up and down your partner’s body to make him/her feel ready for love.
Massage each other in sensual aromatherapy oils. Top aromatherapist Patricia Davis recommends adding three drops of sandal wood and five drops of jasmine to a base oil such as almond oil or three drops of ylang ylang, two drops neroli, and one drop bergamot, then rubbing each other for that all-over sexy feel.
For those couples who are not into massage, try meditation. Find a quiet place to sit, then visualize all your worries floating away or imagine them being wrapped up in big plastic bags and then dropped over a bridge. Or summon up mental images of past love-making sessions. What did they sound like? How did they smell? Where did we do it? Remind yourself of past pleasures, then bring those feelings into the present.
Another great sex booster is hydrotherapy. Take a hot scented bath together and take a glass of wine each for that romantic touch. If you are really adventurous, buy an inexpensive shower massage and take a shower together. Make it hit the right spots to give you that sexy feeling and make love in the shower. Or, try taking a hot shower, then a cold shower before going to bed. This will make your skin tingle all over and make you feel sexy for romance.
The point is, a couple should address the issue of a lackluster physical relationship and do something about it. Suzanne need not feel like a withered flower at her young age. Neither do countless other women in Suzanne’s situation. Even the desert needs an occasional dose of rain, doesn’t it?
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