CLUELESS ON V-DAY

Valentine’s Day is here again. I have run out of ideas of what to give my girlfriend. We have been dating for five years and I have given her every imaginable gift I knew she would like, and she, to me. I know she is also wracking her brains on what to give me. My girlfriend and I don’t give each other a Christmas present because we have to give to family, friends and business associates but we treat Valentine’s Day and each other’s birthday as special occasions and we exchange special gifts on these days.

Rudolf Valentino

It is so refreshing to hear of lovers who are still so big in romance in their fifth year together. Gift-giving in your fifth year could indeed be a problem because by now you must have given each other a lot of gifts and both of you are running out of ideas. I believe that both of you are very comfortable with each other and can be quite frank with expressing what you like. Instead of spending precious money on something she will not appreciate so much, why don’t you ask her what she truly wants? I believe in telling each other what one needs or desires and go on from there. Perhaps she wants a day of beauty treatments and for this you could send her to the Oriental Spa at the Mandarin Oriental. If you truly want to surprise her and money is not a problem, book yourselves for a romantic weekend at a beautiful resort. A trip to Hong Kong or Thailand is also enjoyable. More than material gifts, time spent together in some romantic getaway will enrich your bank account of memories and draw you closer together as a couple. And if one truly loves, he (or she) should show it on a daily basis by being thoughtful and considerate of each other. After all, as the famous song goes, "Each day is Valentine’s Day!"

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Six-Month Itch

My husband and I are discussing a separation after only six months of marriage. It is so sad because we dated for seven years and during this time, we were pretty compatible. Our parents were impatient to marry us off so they gave us a big wedding and my mother-in-law gave me a very expensive engagement ring. My soon-to-be ex-husband and I feel so guilty about all the expenses of both our parents and all the gifts of our sponsors and guests. Some of them gave us cash gifts and really expensive presents like appliances. Should we pay back our parents for their expenses and return the wedding gifts?

Definitely Separating

Six months is indeed a short time to be married after a relationship of seven long years. But it happens to the best of people. Your parents spent for your wedding in good faith so there is no need to pay them back as this was their gift to both of you. But if it will make you feel better, then offer to pay them back, but I doubt if they will accept your offer. As for the wedding presents, if you have not used them, including the cash, it is politically correct to return them all. If you return only what has not been used, especially the monetary gifts, those people who gave and did not receive back will not take it well. If you return to one, return to all. You might reconcile after a few months of separation, and if this happens, it would not be right to ask back the gifts and cash that you have returned. As for your expensive engagement ring, offer to return it. Your moher-in-law gave it to you with the idea that you will stay married to her son for a long time, not for six short months.

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Unhappy With Gay Hubby

After many years of an increasingly difficult marriage, my husband finally confessed that he was gay. We have two children, a girl and a boy, six and eight years old respectively. We are both working hard to give our children a good education and a good life. For the moment, we cannot afford to live apart and rent separate houses as this will drain our budget. So we decided to remain as friends and live together to raise the children. I have not told my friends my situation as I don’t want my children to grow up having the stigma of being the children of a homosexual. While it is okay for me to coast along like this, sometimes I feel that my youth is passing me by and I am missing a lot of opportunities to date and find my true happiness. I cannot expect my friends to introduce me to other men as they think I am happily married. And if I go public with another man, it would expose my situation. I feel so isolated. Please help me.

Lonely Married Woman

Your family and friends should be your support group during this difficult time in your life, but they need not know the truth about your husband being gay. Tell them your marriage is over, which is the honest truth, but that you both are staying together because of financial limitations and the children. This way, they will not get shocked if they see you dating in public. But the day of reckoning will surely come so you will have to prepare for this. This is a small society and people eventually discover the truth. But if you both treat the matter with dignity, meaning, quietly and devoid of scandal, you could spare the children emotional trauma. It would not be healthy for your children to grow up with your husband entertaining male company so it’s necessary that you discuss early on that it’s best that the kids live with you. When your children are a bit older, you will have to tell them that you both are not getting along too well and will have to live apart. So when it happens, they will not get too shocked. In a separation, it is usually the children who suffer so making it less difficult for them emotionally is the best gift you can give them.

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