December 27, 2003 | 12:00am
I went to a formal wedding recently and was unable to stay for the reception. The reason was there were too many people and not enough seats for everyone. I saw disgruntled guests leaving for the same reason. They said they were dressed too formally to eat standing up. And I saw people lining up for their food, which didn’t seem appropriate for a black-tie affair. An informal beach wedding could have a buffet set up, but when guests are in black ties and long gowns, it doesn’t seem right to make them line up for their food. In our case, my husband and I joined two other couples who couldn’t find a table to eat at the wedding for dinner at a nearby fancy restaurant. What is your advice to party planners so all the guests are happily accommodated?
Hosting an event, big or small, can be a nightmare for the hosts. First of all, guests have the habit of not reading the invitation. It has happened on many occasions that guests go to the wrong venue because they don’t pay attention to the details on the invitation. One very important detail that 90 percent of guests forget is to RSVP, which means
Response S’il Vous Plait. It means, please respond! This is for the purpose of counting heads. The hosts have the right to know how many of their invited guests are actually attending the affair so that they can tell the caterer how many guests to expect. What happens is, not only do the guests not advise of their intention to attend or not to attend the event, they also have this bad habit of taking along a few other friends or family members who are not included in the invitation, without advising the hosts. Sometimes, they advise the hosts a day before the event, which is too late for the hosts to make any changes. This is the harsh reality of hosting an event in Manila, which is why I say that it is a nightmare for the planners and the hosts to stage an event. In the US, I have received invitations which gave a deadline for the answer: Please reply on or before Sept 30. (the wedding was for Oct. 25). This is for the purpose of making it easier for the hosts to count the guests who are attending the affair. Since they are the ones spending mega bucks for the affair they have the right to know how many guests are coming. There is nothing wrong with having a dinner buffet for a huge formal black-tie affair, if it is actually well organized. To help the hosts organize it well, the guests should cooperate by complying with the RSVP requirement. Getting up to get food gives guests a chance to walk around and greet other friends that they have not seen in a while. Getting stuck in a sit-down dinner table for two hours (or until the dinner is over) and talking only to two people could be boring. I am sure that if only guests would cooperate with the host’s request for an RSVP, everyone would be well accommodated in a wedding.
I received gifts from people who I didn’t expect to get gifts from. If I give them gifts now, it would seem that I am giving them gifts because they gave me gifts. I feel awkward about this situation of giving just because I was given but if I don’t give them, they might feel slighted. So I really don’t know what to make of the situation. Should I just give to make them feel I appreciated their gifts? I believe it is better later than never.
It would definitely seem like tit for tat if you give them gifts at this late stage just because they gave you. Some friendships evolve into something special through the years and for this reason some friends that did not include you in their gift list in the past included you this year. You could reciprocate in the future by giving them something on their birthdays, or inviting them to your dinner parties or any other thoughtful gesture that will make them feel that you appreciate their friendships. Christmas is not the only time of year to show your friends that they are special to you. A no occasion gift could even be more touching.
| It’s The Thought That Counts |
I received a very recycled gift from a friend and I was so insulted because the card of the first person who gave the gift was still inside. The card even had a date, Christmas 2000. How would one feel about receiving a gift that is not only recycled, but has been in his closet for three years. Should I tell him about his faux pas? If I do tell him, I am sure he will avoid me like the plague after this incident but I am so insulted and fuming mad that I can’t really just leave him to think everything is fine. Besides, how can I thank him if I don’t feel appreciative of his gesture?
Giving recycled gifts is done for practical reasons. For example, my brother received a very expensive Christian Dior shirt that was a size too small for him. He gave the shirt to a friend who appreciated receiving a nice shirt like that. I am sure there are instances when we would rather pass on a gift to someone who would enjoy the item more. But there is a technique to giving recycled gifts, and that technique is called thoughtfulness. Horror stories like yours do happen because the giver of the recycled gift was not thoughtful enough about giving special attention to the gift he was giving you. Given that he was giving you a recycled gift, he should at least have taken it out of the box, inspected the item carefully, made sure it didn’t look 10 seasons old, and for heaven’s sake, taken out the card of the past giver! Putting it in a new box and wrapping it nicely would make the gift seem new. If you feel your friend has insulted you in that manner, by all means, tell him so. If you are not brave enough to tell it to his face, send him a note saying: Your gift would have been better appreciated without this evidence I found inside which I am enclosing. This will make him realize to be more careful next time he gives a recycled gift.
Send questions to Mayenne Carmona, StarGate 6th floor, Jaka Bldg., Ayala Ave., makati City 
