August 30, 2003 | 12:00am
When I was growing up, I had an inferiority complex about my wide nose. My mom promised me a nose job when I reached a certain age and she was true to her word. The nose job was so good that it made me look like a mestiza but it did not fit my small eyes so I saved money to have my eyes done. Now at age 29, I’ve already undergone six procedures and am still counting because every time I fix one thing, I find something else that needs repair. I don’t want to end up looking like Michael Jackson. How can I stop?
Plastic surgery is a godsend to people who are born with deformities or physical features that need to be reconstructed. It also makes some people happier and feel more confident with their looks with a nip here and a tuck there. Nothing wrong with that. But for those who abuse and make it a habit, it becomes a destructive, expensive and demoralizing addiction. Whatever your situation, it sounds like a complete waste of your time, assets and youth’s natural beauty. Fortunately you want to stop, which is the first step toward kicking the habit. I suggest that you go to an orphanage, like the one in Tondo run by the Missionaries of Charity. Here you will realize how fortunate you are compared to these poor children who were born with deformities. Try to involve yourself in activities like helping the unfortunate. Not only will it help put things in the right perspective for you but it will also help you feel good about yourself. You must also realize that endless plastic surgery procedures are never the answer to anything but skin deep problems. It underestimates the people who will love you for what you are and it belittles your spiritual worth.
| My Son Is In Love With A Divorced Woman |
We sent our son to an Ivy League School in the USA and he has done very well in his career. He was working for a multinational company in Chicago for five years when, a few years ago, my husband and I decided that he should come home and help run the family business. We were happy to have him back and he was also happy to be here. He broke up with his American girlfriend and started going out with nice Filipina girls. Then six months ago, he stopped dating these sweet young girls, some of them daughters of our good friends. He is a very private person and refuses to talk about his love life. So I interrogated his driver and I was so shocked to find out that my son is going out with a divorced woman who is seven years older than he is and has two children from a previous marriage. When he goes off the entire weekend, he would say he went to the beach with his friends. I am so devastated because I don’t think I can accept this older woman with two children as my daughter-in-law. How can I put a stop to this relationship?
This is not a unique situation. I can think of several cases where younger men fall for more mature women. Mature women know how to pamper their men. They know how to make them feel loved and desired. Having gone through life and marriage, they are thoughtful and more loving than younger women. Plus, they are more confident about their sexuality and have no hangups. So it’s not surprising that your son is infatuated with this older woman. Having lived in the USA and dated liberated women, it is difficult for him to adjust to the norms of our society and to dating sheltered, young women. You could talk this out with him and discuss the negative aspects of having an instant family. It’s not an easy task to be a stepfather to two young children. If not, you have no choice but to let this romance run its course and wait for it to fizzle out. Another alternative is to send him back to the USA to work in the hope that her absence would make his heart go wander.
I am 55 years old and I notice a drop in my libido. This is scaring me a bit because my wife is very attractive and 10 years younger than I am. It’s not that I cannot perform – it’s that I lack the desire to do it. What can I do to pump up my libido? Is there such a thing as "male menopause?"
As men age, usually between the ages of 50 and 70, their testosterone levels drop dramatically. This natural process has given rise to the concept of male menopause. Menopause, by definition, is the rapid drop of sex steroids that occur in women. If men have anything like that, it’s a very gradual decline. It is believed that stress, fatigue, lack of sleep and alcohol can lower the libido. Or serious testosterone deficiencies. Why don’t you go for a testosterone level test. Just as women with low estrogen levels are treated with hormone replacement therapy, so are men with low testosterone levels. They are put on a testosterone replacement program until their testosterone levels are up to normal. This helps boost their libido. A doctor once said that "sex drive is more important than sex function nowadays. If you have the drive and can’t function, there is Viagra to help. If you have the function but not the drive, not even Viagra can help." So go to your doctor and have yourself tested soon.
For your questions, write to Mayenne Carmona at Star Media Inc. 6th floor, Jaka Bldg., Ayala Ave., Makati City.
