Help! My husband’s torn between two homes

When I met my husband, I was already a widow for a couple of years while his wife had just died. We were casually dating for a couple of years before we decided to take each other seriously and eventually decided to get married. However, our situation is not exactly simple. I have four children, three of whom are working abroad and he has three children, all living with him. He has his own house with his children and he reports to them every day. He takes his meals there and almost lives there during the day. We live together in a condo but he goes to his old house every day to be with his kids who are all grown-up anyway. Furthermore, pictures of his deceased wife are still all over his house. He tells me that’s how the kids want it. They don’t want to change anything in the house that they grew up in with their mother. Every night, I have to call him up in his old house to come home to his new house with me. He claims he cannot leave the kids until late at night and that it is his duty to be with them. They are all in their 20s so it is really ridiculous.

I feel like divorcing him. But I need him financially as he gives me a good allowance and takes me on my much-needed trips abroad. We have been married for only two years now. I know that in the US, a wife is entitled to financial support after a divorce. Is it the same here and what should I do with this absentee husband? – Neglected Second Wife

There is no divorce in the Philippines, only a civil annulment. You must be both middle-aged and have accrued properties from your previous alliances which both of you are not entitled to. The smart thing for you to have done was to insist on a pre-nuptial agreement prior to your marriage stating that in case of a divorce, you will be entitled to X amount of money. Now, with just two years of marriage behind you, what could you possibly get from your husband? Your only recourse is to be frank with your husband that you are miserable with your present situation and unless he spends more time with you, a separation is on your mind. Consult a lawyer about your financial rights. Don’t jump the gun unless you are sure of your situation. Your husband would not have married you if didn’t love you, but it looks like he is more devoted to his kids than to you. A heart-to-heart talk with him is what you should do to change the situation. If it doesn’t improve the situation, get some legal advice and start thinking of your options.

* * * An Anti-Cancer Diet

My mother got sick of cancer and after her surgery, my father asked me to change our diet completely as we all know that a healthy diet drives away all kinds of diseases. I am the only daughter among four brothers so the task of preparing the menu with our kusinera is my responsibility. You see, we are a meat-eating family and an alternative medicine doctor advised us to cut down on meat, especially now that my mom is battling the Big "C." He said that a vegetarian diet is healthier for my mother and advised me to serve her fruits and vegetables that are high in antioxidants. Can you help me on this matter? – Claire

It’s not only people who are sick of cancer who should take care of their diets but healthy people as well. We all know the saying "You are what you eat." While there is a place in the diet for all the foods that we enjoy, some are undeniably richer than others in essential nutrients. So, by eating more of these foods and by ensuring you have the right proportion of different foods in your diet, you will have greater energy, endurance and stamina, and boost your immunity, keep fit and healthy. These are the portions of different food groups that we should take in our daily diet. Portion means a medium-size serving. Example: A cup of rice, a piece of multi-grain toast, etc., a medium-size apple, a cup of broccoli, six prunes, etc.

• Starchy carbohydrate food – five to six portions a day (although an athlete should take more and a sedentary person should take less).

• Vegetables and fruits – five or more portions a day.

• Dairy products – low-fat milk, yogurt, cheese in place of high fat (two to three portions daily).

• Protein from fish, chicken and meat – two to four portions a day.

If a person is trying to lose weight, he can reduce the number of portions of the carbo, dairy and meat, but not the fruits and vegetables.

As for foods rich in antioxidants, here’s a list which I got from Human Nutrition Research Center on Aging, Tufts University, Boston. They measure the antioxidants through a test tube analysis that measures the total antioxidant power of food. ORAC (short for Oxygen Radical Absorbance Capacity) is the unit per 100 grams.

Here they are in the order of their ORAC:

• Topping the list in the fruit category are prunes. Next come raisins, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, plums, oranges, red grapes, cherries, kiwi fruit, and pink grapefruit.

• In the vegetable category, topping the list is kale, followed by spinach, brussels sprouts, alfalfa sprouts, broccoli, reets, red bell pepper, onion, corn, aubergine (eggplant).

Serve your family a diet that has a lot of the fruits and vegetables listed above. We don’t have local blueberries, plums, and blackberries but the other fruits are available. Pink pomelo is a good substitute for pink grapefruit.

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For your questions, write to Mayenne Carmona, StarGate Media Inc., 6th floor, Jaka Bldg., Ayala Ave., Makati City.