Keeping one’s hands clean & dignity intact at a formal dinner

My wife has this funny habit of bringing her small bottle of anti-bacterial hand sanitizer in gel form, the one that says "kills germs without soap and water" on the label. I see her using it all the time, especially when we are in a Chinese restaurant where she has to use her hands to eat some dishes. I don’t think there is anything wrong with this. However, one time, we were at a formal sit down dinner in an ambassador’s house and out of habit, she took out her hand sanitizer before the waiter got to serve her. This aroused the attention of the diplomat seated beside her as he asked her what it was. He said that he never saw anything like it and he announced that it was an interesting product because one could sanitize without washing. It was pretty embarrassing and I could see my wife’s discomfort. Was it unethical of her to do this? JOVIE

It is not surprising that the diplomat seated next to her didn’t know what it was. The product has been in the market a few years but not everybody knows about it. Coming in gel form, some people find it a bit sticky. But actually, it is indeed effective in sanitizing one’s hands. However, it is not good manners to use it in a formal sit down dinner. It’s like showing those seated around you that you have unclean hands that need to be sanitized. Also, it says that you don’t touch tableware without sanitizing your hands first and this can be very insulting to the hosts. This will naturally arouse the curiosity of your dinner partners and raise a few eyebrows as well. Your wife has to choose the places where she can do this. In a Chinese restaurant, pizzeria, or fast food, it is totally acceptable. It would have been better if she went to the ladies room first to do her rituals.

* * * Mayday! Cockroach Approaching

A friend of mine invited me to a restaurant that he had put up a year ago and which I have not had the chance to visit as it is in Quezon City and I live in Makati.

The open kitchen is situated such that one passes it on the way to the men’s room. In so doing, a client can peep at the cleanliness or "dirtiness" of their kitchen. It must have been bad timing but when I passed by, I saw a couple of cockroaches just by the door running towards me. I totally freaked out as I am totally terrified of cockroaches and I let out a scream that attracted the attention of some diners. My friend ran to me and asked what happened. I know some people are terrified of cockroaches but nothing compared to me. I had to sit down and drink hot tea to calm my nerves and I’m sure my friend regretted having invited me as it exposed to their regular clientele that the kitchen is not immaculate. Of course, cockroaches thrive all over our city but a clean kitchen should not have them. - Monina

A visit to the kitchen of some restaurants may make you decide to never eat out again. Knowing that the sanitary guarantee of your food and tableware is entrusted to those who serve you is the reason why I am known to be extremely loyal to only selected establishments. In a restaurant, it’s permissible to ask your waiter for a clean utensil or glass. For the "there’s something in my soup scenario," it’s entirely up to you if you’d like a fresh bowl. There are a lot of restaurants now with open kitchens for clients to check out. It was unfortunate that those cockroaches were there just when you were passing by. But this is a warning to restaurant owners that they should have pest control treatments. And to hire daily cleaners to make sure that their kitchen is constantly washed and sanitized with anti bacteria cleaning agents. Another culprit is the accumulation of garbage. Garbage should be thrown out on a daily basis.

* * * Greasy Spoon And All

I attended a garden party and my friends decided to have it catered. It was buffet style and quite informal. I noticed that the utensils handed out to me by the waiter were a bit greasy and a food particle was stuck to the knife. I asked the waiter for another set of utensils. My hostess who was within hearing distance asked what the matter was and I told her. The other guests lining up near me started to inspect their utensils and some of them noticed the same thing. My hostess was not gracious about it and took it very personally. I explained to her that it wasn’t her fault, it was the caterer’s fault, and it was no big deal. I told her to just have them washed in her kitchen. She was so cranky with me for wanting a change of utensils and attracting the attention of her other guests when in fact she was the one who attracted their attention by raising her voice at the waiters to tell their boss to bring clean utensils next time around. I apologized to her even if I didn’t have to and left the party. Was it impolite of me to ask for clean utensils? - Patsy

Certainly not! How could you have eaten with those greasy utensils? When dining in a private house, it is permissible to ask your hosts for clean utensils and glasses. It should not be taken personally as it happens in the best of homes that grease or food particles are sometimes not washed off properly either by human dishwashers or machines. Your hostess overreacted and took it as a personal affront to the cleanliness of her household. You need not apologize in this situation. On the contrary, she has to apologize to you for having spoiled your evening!