Election fever in a ritzy club

There’s a ritzy club in town that’s holding an election for its new board of directors. There’s a lot of mudslinging going on because the new candidates are accusing the incumbents of dishonesty and mismanagement of funds. My initial reaction was that of anger at the old officers, but now I realize that the changes that they have done are for the good of the club: The new beauty salon is state-of-the-art, the new verandah that they put is airy and good for cross ventilation and added beauty to the club, and the new badminton courts have a great location. And needless to say, any club has to have some renovation after some time to prevent it from looking shabby and dated. The old officers also explained where they put the money and there doesn’t seem to have been any mismanagement of funds except for the new computer system which seemed overpriced! The root of the problem is that the monthly dues have to be increased even minimally, in order to eliminate the chronic budget deficits. But no candidate wants to even mention this for fear of losing the elections. Another point is, none of the incumbent officers are running for reelection. There are new candidates running in their place. There is this club policy of getting proxys and putting your votes in advance. My problem is that my friends from both sides are angling for my proxy. I don’t know how to tell them that I plan to vote for candidates from both parties. I have chosen my own lineup which I think will do the club a lot of good. I hate to disappoint them by telling them of my decision not to vote for just one party. What can I do because I can’t hide from them till election day? – MR. A.

Your friends should realize that during elections, the sanctity of the ballot prevails. You will have to tell them frankly that you have chosen your own lineup and plan to vote on election day and therefore you cannot give your proxy to anybody. If they are your friends, they will not fault you for acting on your convictions.

* * * More A Mix Than A Match Affair

I was recently hosted by a group of well-meaning friends for a bienvenida dinner party as I live in the USA and visit Manila every other year. Notwithstanding the fact that I appreciated the effort that they put into organizing and spending for a delicious dinner in one of Manila’s better restaurants, I was so bored during the whole evening. It was a dinner party for 20, 10 couples all in all. My wife did not come with me on this trip so they invited a single friend to be my dinner partner. Then all the couples sat together! I know that in order for a dinner party to be interesting, couples should sit apart and mix with others to keep the interaction and conversation during the evening flowing or is our society still living in the 18th century where couples must necessarily sit next to each other? I was looking forward to interacting with all my old friends but what happened was a long boring evening where the married couples hardly had anything to say to each other and I ended up talking to my dinner partner, but we didn’t really have much to say to each other. I saw some friends at another table and at one point, out of boredom, I excused myself and joined those friends whom I haven’t seen in a while and enjoyed talking with them. It must have been impolite because I was away at least 15 minutes. – MR. J.

The seating arrangement is another aspect of entertaining that has thankfully been liberated from the formalities of our parents’ time. My mom would never have set a table that didn’t have an equal ratio of males to females. In these modern times, worrying about a finite number of guests takes the serendipity out of the affair, which nowadays is more about the mix than the match. Some of the best dinner parties are not about the meals and table setting. It’s about meeting an assortment of people – with varied interests, careers – and becoming enlightened. However, some planning, along with a little common sense with regard to seating, can go a long way towards setting an interesting table. Unless it’s a new relationship, avoid putting couples together. Your friends should have realized this and should have sat themselves apart in order to ensure the flow of conversation which normally happens when you are seated with people you do not see every day. And it is socially acceptable that after dessert has been served, guests exchange seats to socialize with a particular someone they wish to catch up with.

* * * Young And Naive

I am young and single and recently met a diplomat in one of my trips abroad. It became an instant romance and now I find myself traveling to his country every other month upon his invitation. He brings me to a lot of their diplomatic affairs and my problem is a lot of times, I am seated with a total stranger who is much older and with whom I don’t have much in common. So until the evening is over and I am reunited with my love, I am bored out of my wits. What course can I take to improve my conversation skills? I wouldn’t want to break up this romance because of his boring diplomatic parties as we are getting serious and marriage is in the air. – Trisha

You don’t have to take up a course really. You can talk about your interests (I am sure you have a lot) and bring your young world to his. I have a friend, Isabel, whose uncle is a brain surgeon. While she finds it hard to converse with him for fear that her intellectual capacity will not be up to par, she got surprised at one occasion. Isabel spoke about her passion for scuba diving and a recent expedition she went on in Costa Rica. Her uncle showed so much interest in what she had to say that before she knew it, two hours had passed. What she realized that evening was that her uncle appreciated the exposure that she had given him of her world, one that was foreign to his. He got so interested in scuba diving that he got all the information about her school and vowed to take it up the first chance he gets. Which just goes to prove that everyone has something interesting to say. Next time you are seated next to a boring old man, talk about the beautiful beaches we have in our country, or the Abu Sayyaf! Who knows what discussions you could extract from him and pretty soon, the evening will just end without your knowing it.

* * * When The Party’s Almost Over

I sometimes would like to move my guests to another room when serving coffee or tea at the end of the evening, but my husband says it disrupts the momentum of the dinner party and interrupts those who are deep in conversation. What do you have to say to this? –Melanie

When coffee or tea is served, it’s a sign that the party is almost over. Moving your guests to another room is a good idea. It allows the guests the opportunity to mingle with those they didn’t get to speak to at the table. Also, it’s nice to be able to stretch one’s legs and not be confined to a dining room chair. Since coffee could be a long affair, anyone who wishes to go home at this point is perfectly free to do so.

* * * Absorbing Dinner Topics

Have you ever experienced that awkward pause when you don’t know what to say to your dinner partner, who you’re meeting for the first time? Well, I have encountered it on several occasions and would often wonder how to break it by starting a new topic that we haven’t already talked about. Can you suggest other topics for people like me who don’t have much to say? – Simplicia

Who has not felt panic set in when faced with an excruciatingly long lull in the conversation? Rather than pray for an interruption to save you, it’s always a good idea to have a stash of reserve questions. Following are some topics other than work, the weather, and politics to ask the person next to you:

a) Do you play any sport? (if it’s tennis, talk about the Williams sisters who are dominating the tennis world; if it’s golf, Tiger Woods is No. 1, etc. ...)

b) The latest cinema gossip ... who is with whom? Is Julia Roberts divorcing, getting married etc.?

c) Latest movies? (Much talked about these days is Killing Me Softly and Unfaithful. One can talk for hours about betrayal of both sides in a marriage.)

d) How did you know the hosts?

c) Where are you spending the Christmas holidays? Going abroad? Then you can discuss different Christmas customs.

d) The latest fashion.

e) Latest cosmetic surgery procedures (Even men have them these days!) like botox, to take out wrinkles and deep lines, etc.