Message to all texters: avoid texting in public

I’m in Manila for a month after not having visited for three years. My friends were happy to hear from me and right away organized a lunch in one of the good restaurants in Makati.

I got the culture shock of my life when all of them came with their cell phones, and shortly after greeting me and exchanging the usual comments about our gaining weight, looking fit, changing our hair color, etc., they were all glued to their cells, texting away! One of them just bought a new one and was so excited she was collecting everyone’s number to put in her phone directory and this took one precious hour of our time together. Another one was laughing away at the jokes she was receiving and would every now and then share it with us! At one point, I had no one to talk to, so I decided to chat with the waitress hovering around our table. Then I couldn’t stand it anymore and told everyone bluntly that it was impolite of them to spend their time on their cell instead of interacting with one another which was the whole point of the luncheon. After seeing that I was getting upset, they decided to put down their text machines. Did I have the right to be upset at their behavior? Or is it an accepted norm in the Philippines to be in a social gathering and be oblivious to everyone around you because of texting? – Lenore

You had every right to be upset at your friends! I am sure they drove you up the wall with the cacophony of different sounds from their cell phones (hop-a-long cassidy sound, opera, shrill, bombastic, melodious, three beeps, one long, one short, etc.). Sad to say, texting has become bigger than life in the Philippines. Even the lowest income group saves up to buy cell phones so they can text. Fast becoming today’s lingo, text language uses a lot of spelling shortcuts to save on space, which will surely affect young people’s spelling skills.I have caught my secretary many times typing my letters with shortcut spellings as if she was texting. You probably know that text power had a lot to do with Edsa Dos. As you said, you got the culture shock of your life, but this is the wireless age and it’s here to stay. It’s a text-crazy world out there and telecom giants are adding to this craziness with their tempting cash prices, cars, appliances etc. if you join their text games.

But when friends get together, they should make it a point to put away their cell phones and enjoy each other’s company until the socializing is over.

Unless you are expecting very important business calls (your friends will excuse you on this, but then again, set your cell on the vibrate mode so as not to irritate other people), it is a good practice to shut off your cell until the function you’re attending is over.

Thank you for your letter, I think most everyone (including myself) is somehow guilty of this social faux pas. It reflects the feelings of a lot of people who have been neglected by their companions because of texting. I hope a lot of readers will be more conscious of this from now on.

* * * Handy Tips On Eating With Hands

Can you please enumerate what foods can be eaten with the hands which is not considered unethical? – Rosean

• French fries, if the entire meal is eaten by hand (like a sandwich).

• With steak, eat the fries with your fork.

• Hamburgers: Cut it in half, then pick it up with your hand.

• Tacos: You can use your hands for the first couple of bites, but once the insides start falling out, you must use your fork and knife.

• Chicken: Most chicken must be eaten with a fork and knife unless the meal is extremely informal like a picnic.

• Sushi: Japanese etiquette dictates that you pick up the sushi with the fingers and dip one end of the fish – just one – into the soy sauce and put the entire piece in your mouth (soy-dipped end first and fish down so it comes in contact with your tongue). If the piece is too large, you may bite it in half and return the uneaten portion in the dipping sauce. Sashimi, which is boneless slices of fish or shrimp, should be picked up with chopsticks.

• Asparagus: Can be eaten with the hands as long as it is not covered with sauce. If the stalk is too long, cut the stalk with your knife.

• Olives: The pits should be taken out of your mouth with your fingers and placed on the corner of the plate. At a cocktail party, place it in a napkin and not in your pockets.

• Shrimps: If served without the shell, it’s fine to pick it up with your hands.

• Corn-on-the-cob: Eat with your hands or use corn handle. Don’t butter the entire corn, just a few rows at a time.

• Pizza: It is not a formal food and can be eaten with the hands.

• Artichokes: The leaves are eaten with the fingers. Pull off one leaf at a time and draw it through your teeth. When you get to the heart, use your knife and fork.

• Whole fruit: Apples, peaches or pears should be cut into quarters with a dessert knife and peeled. Then the fruit may be eaten with the hands or a dessert fork. If the fruit has a pit, put it on the underplate, or on the side of your plate.

* * * Finger Flossing Teeth In Public

I was invited to a sit-down dinner recently and to my dismay, the gentleman at my right started to pick his teeth before the dinner was over using his small finger nail. He probably caught me staring so he stopped. It was embarrassing for me as it was for him. What is the rule concerning this? – Melanie

When food particles get lodged between the teeth very uncomfortably while one is eating in a social gathering, he should excuse himself and go to the comfort room and finger floss there. If you can’t wait till the meal is over and it’s just a minor discomfort, ask for a toothpick from the waiter, cover your mouth with your napkin while using your toothpick. I have noticed that in most restaurants in Asia, especially those serving Asian food, toothpicks are included with the table setting and as long as one does it discreetly and beneath a napkin, it is socially acceptable to use a toothpick.

* * * Sensuous Vs. Sensual

Please settle an argument between me and my girlfriend. She insists that SENSUOUS and SENSUAL mean the same and could be interchanged in usage. I know that there is a difference and I have explained it to her but she wouldn’t listen. I am an English major and it upsets me when she uses the wrong words. Can you please clarify this for us so once and for all, she believes me. – Peter

You are correct, there is a difference. According to a reliable thesaurus, SENSUOUS means appealing to the senses, but more to the esthetic faculty: the SENSUOUS smoothness of polished jade. SENSUAL means appealing to the senses in a quasi-sexual way: a sensual painting of a nude.

This distinction was invented by the poet John Milton. He wanted a synonym of sensual minus tha association with sex. He used the word in an often quoted formulation of what poetry should be: "simple, SENSUOUS and passionate." I hope this convinces your girlfriend that there is a difference.