MANILA, Philippines — Women-first dating and social networking app Bumble recently launched a new campaign to raise awareness about "The Romance Gap" in the Philippines.
The alleged "romance gap" is a dating phenomenon concerning the discrepancy in relationships caused by traditional gender roles. The campaign is based on the survey and study conducted by the app. The insights gathered provide nuggets of information that can potentially help people take control of their matters of the heart, as they can decide if they shall be influenced by what the society expects of them, or be assertive of what can make their heart happy when it comes to your romantic relationships.
The study commissioned by the app found that 90% of respondents still had different expectations in romantic relationships based on one's gender identity.
Often, behaviors that are labeled romantic for men are negatively labeled for women. These discrepancies show up across dating and relationships in different ways, with both men and women feeling considerable pressure to behave in a certain way.
Based on the study, men are still expected to take the lead when it comes to:
- taking the lead and advancing the relationship,
- on matters such as asking the other person out, making the first move, or initiating the first kiss.
- There is still pressure on men to be responsible for making the big moves as 62% of people surveyed state that men are expected to take the lead in dating and relationships, while only 17% think women should do so.
Men are also expected by Filipinos to say "I love you" first. Almost half (49%) of the people surveyed state that men should be the first to say those three big words and initiate expressing their love first, while only 22% think women should profess their love first.
On the other hand, there's a strong belief that in dating, women should not appear desperate. More than 1 in 4 (39%) people surveyed state that women are expected to avoid appearing too keen, clingy, attached or desperate. Additionally, 36% of women have felt that they should play hard-to-get in dating and relationships. Women feel like they need to hold back, too, as 42% of women fear being judged for being direct about what they want.
Men should also take the lead sexually based on the survey. The research found that Filipinos still lean conservatively when it comes to conversations and openness around sex and intimacy as 38% said men are expected to be sexually direct and discuss their sexual wants or preferences, but only 25% said women are expected to do so.
In the Philippine culture apparently, men are still expected to be the breadwinners and earn more money. Men are still expected to play the role of the breadwinner, in spite of women making advances in their careers and professional lives in the Philippines. More than half (64%) state that men are expected to earn more money, while only 31% think women should do so.
While these expectations exist, there is a desire for change as 73% of Filipinos feel strongly that it is important to maintain respect and equality in long term relationships and around more than half (63%) of women state that it is important to address equality early in dating and relationships.
“The 'Romance Gap' is a new term, but many of us will know the feeling. Those moments of waiting for the other person to take the lead, wondering if sending the first text or asking someone on a date makes you look too desperate, or worrying about being judged for being too opinionated, too direct or too old. By not questioning or critiquing the Romance Gap, we leave ourselves locked into gender roles that more than half (67%) of Filipino adults say makes it difficult to build healthy equal relationships," Lucille McCart, Asia Pacific Communications Director of Bumble, explained.
She added, "By not questioning or critiquing the Romance Gap, we leave ourselves locked into gender roles that 62% of Filipinos say make dating more stressful and difficult."
According to her, the only way to close the Romance Gap is to make ourselves aware of it, acknowledge it exists, and then challenge yourself and each other when you notice that you are slipping into gendered expectations. Equality is something that should be addressed early and openly in dating. Now more than ever is the time to start dating on your own terms and making your own first moves.
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