The Mommy Squad: How to do mindful parenting
“We can never be perfect parents but we can learn,” says actress and Star Circle Quest alumna Melissa Ricks as we talked about parenting styles with her longtime friend Pinoy Big Brother alumna, host, and lifestyle blogger Say Alonzo. Both are part of the trio of beautiful and hardworking moms called Mommy Squad, which also includes actress and business woman Ara Mina.
I invited the Melissa and Say (Ara wasn’t available) on our Pamilya Talk’s Tita Jing It’s Monday episode, and our conversation was filled with parenting tips, sisterhood and trying to master the work-life balance.
They’ve all been friends for years recalls Say. “We all got pregnant almost the same time. We started attending mommy and baby events and, since we’re always together, we said why not make a group and come up with videos together? Then the pandemic happened, so now we’re on KUMU,” explains Say on how Mommy Squad was formed. The group have a show on KUMU, a Philippine based live streaming app that served as one of the “homes” for entertainers and people who just want to connect with other viewers since the pandemic. As a mother myself, it’s important to know that you have friends and co-parents that could help you with parenting.
Melissa and Say have been extra focused on being mothers to their children, as well as being dutiful wives. Like many others, they decided to just work from home and minimize accepting work outside the confines of their houses.
“Our priority right now is really taking care of our family especially during this pandemic. It's taken a toll on everybody's mental health, not only the children. It's important to be there and letting them know that we're here and it's going to be okay. There’s always work from home. There are a lot of opportunities and outlets online. It's great that we're all safe and healthy,” says Melissa.
Melissa acknowledges the difference between raising a 6-year-old and 13-year-old. She has been married less than a year and is now taking care of her daughter and step-son.
“Being a first-time mom is very difficult for me, not to mention having a teenager all of a sudden. It really takes patience and adjustment. You shouldn't be hard on yourself. Sometimes, we get frustrated with ourselves and we unintentionally release that self-frustration to our kids. It happened to me a couple of times, but after a while I say sorry to the kids. If we cannot understand certain things at times, what more a 6-year-old and a 13-year-old? It's a learning process for me and for the kids, so we should take it easy on each other. We should guide them to know what is right and what is wrong. Take time to explain to your child, to try to make them understand in the easiest and simplest ways. Be kind to them and to yourself,” Melissa explains.
Watch the complete interview of the Mommy Squad here:
Being mindful parents
Also, in the same episode, we had with us clinical psychologist and founder of Mindfulness, Love, and Compassion Institute of Psychosocial Services Dr. Honey Carandang. She spoke about the importance of being self-aware and mindful when it comes to parenting, especially during this time.
“It’s important that we take care of our family. If there’s a crisis, the people that we run to for comfort would be our family. But now, our family is in crisis,” says Dr. Honey pertaining to the different crises that most families are experiencing due to COVID-19.
According to the parenting guide that Unicef and the World Health Organization released, it is important to discuss COVID-19 with our children --- why we all have to be at home, the importance of managing our anger and frustrations as parents during the pandemic.
“The parent has to look inside herself to know what she or he is feeling and to actually own this feeling. You have to be aware about what you feel. If you’re angry, say it, admit it. Because what happens is, if you’re not mindful and you get angry about something, it will affect your parenting skills. You’d snap at the littlest fault that your child will make,” explains Dr. Honey.
She continues by saying that self-awareness is important in parenting because what ever you say or do in front of your child will affect them until they grow-up and the chances that you’re already hurting them unintentionally is there. “Awareness is essential for a parent to be mindful and not to be reactive. Because if you are reactive to your child, you’ll only hurt them physically, emotionally, and mentally. If you’re mindful, you tend to take a pause and think about your next step on how to discipline your child, leaving you less room for regret. Mindful parenting makes you not regret your actions because you stop before you act. You don't react, you respond.”
How to handle a ‘sandwich generation’
Mindful parenting also works for parenting your parent according to Dr. Honey. There’s what you call a sandwich generation wherein you’re taking care of two generations within the family: your child and your aging parent/s.
“When you have a growing child and aging parent that you also have to take care of, this can be very tricky because aside from taking care of yourself, you need to look after two different generations. At a certain age, we have to parent our parents because they’re already vulnerable and weak,” says Dr. Honey.
This requires more patience and understanding for all parties in order for this to work and have a peaceful household. It’s been more than 2 years that we’ve been dealing with being confined at home due to COVID-19. There were adjustments that we had to do especially in our household. When the pandemic hit, everyone was at a loss. But now, we’re already working through ways on how to better cope.
“Create a schedule, there must be a balance of togetherness and being alone. The kids should also have a space and time for them just being kids. It’s also good to have a continued organization and role for everyone in the household like sharing household chores, etc. Also, don’t forget to take care of yourself. If you’re not going to look after yourself, you won’t be able to take care of other people properly. You’ll burnout,” says Dr. Honey.
“To parents, don’t put too much pressure on yourself,” advices Say. She also said to slow down because everyone is going through the same things. “We're trying to make it work. We're trying to see what's best for our kids. Mental health is really important. We're always at home all the time and we need an outlet and mine is KUMU,” she says.
Her co-mommy, Melissa, echoes Say’s parenting advice. She also emphasizes the importance of not giving-in to our frustrations, and of not being pressured by how other parents take care of their family. “You know your child the most, you know your child the best, and you know what works for your child. It’s okay to ask for advice from other parents, but in the end, it’s still up to you to make a decision,” she says.
Everyone has been fighting their own battles. But let’s try our best to be kinder to ourselves because we have to, for our own sake as well as our family’s. Learn how to practice mindfulness and build a workable structure within our household, with or without the pandemic.
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