Death is inevitable, it will eventually come. It’s one of those circumstances that one can’t really prevent. But having death in the family due to COVID-19 is something else. It’s really such a heartbreaking experience, especially since you cannot even hug each other and grieve together.
I can’t begin to imagine the loneliness that one undergoes being alone in a room, with no family member or loved one to take care of you, as your body is getting weaker. When that family member passes on, he or she succumbs to the disease alone. Most of the time, none of our loved ones are able to say goodbye in person. That’s what happened to us. We lost my husband’s older brother, our beloved Kuya Kenn. He was in the hospital for a month, but he still lost his battle against COVID. It’s sad enough that you’ll learn of deaths of friends, friends of friends, family of friends, but it’s so overwhelmingly tragic and emotionally heavy when it’s this close to home. I never expected this to happen to our family, let alone all of us in the household getting infected by the virus as well.
The dreaded day has come
Despite having myself, hubby Nonong, our eldest daughter, Fiana, and our yayas vaccinated with Pfizer, when the deadly virus knocked on our door, all 8 of us got infected! Nonong was the first one in our home who got sick. It was difficult for us to trace where he got infected since as a public servant, his job requires him to go out almost every day. Nonong had severe pneumonia while our children and our yayas had mild symptoms like me. While still having to mourn the loss of Kuya Kenn and thinking about his parents’ emotional struggle, these things didn’t help with Nonong’s mental and emotional stress. He had to struggle through the sadness and worry while being physically sick. To make matters worse, Nonong’s health suddenly worsened the day after Kuya Kenn passed on.
While doing home care, Nonong’s condition deteriorated and his oxygen level fluctuated, hitting as low as 88% even with oxygen support. We rushed him to the Emergency Room of the Cardinal Santos Medical Center. Waiting at the E.R. with Nonong for his admission and test results was painstaking for both of us, but most especially for my husband who was already in pain and had difficulty breathing.
Thank God I had COVID!
When I say that COVID is a very lonely disease, I don’t take that lightly. As I mentioned, Kuya Kenn didn’t have a family member with him in the hospital. Unfortunately, that’s the “norm” if you’re a COVID patient. You, as a family member, can also feel that sense of loneliness and helplessness since you can only do so much for your loved ones who got sick. It was therefore a blessing that I was positive for COVID as I was allowed to take care of Nonong in the hospital.
When the doctors told me that they will be forced to intubate Nonong if he doesn’t respond to the COVID medicines, I was so scared, especially since once intubated, they said that his survival rate was 50-50. I wanted to cry, but I had to stay strong so Nonong wouldn’t lose hope. I didn’t want him to worry so I couldn’t tell him that his COVID-pneumonia was severe. Maybe it was the years of being trained to think on my feet and not getting too emotional while on the job that prevented me from panicking. I did what I had to do to make sure that Nonong was going to get the treatment that he needed.
Sharing with you our family’s reflections through our Pamilya Talk episode, "What We Did When COVID Hit Our Home: Part 1."