DEAR EPPY,
I read one of your articles and I thought you could help me find some enlightenment as I do not have real friends to talk to anymore. I never thought I would find myself at a crossroad since I don’t have any night life or contact with anybody from the opposite sex. For the last two years, I have noticed that my wife’s desire for sex has been on a steady decline. I feel that her participation in it is now more of an obligation as a wife.
I did some reading on a woman’s body. I thought maybe at age 41, she might be going through something. She brushed aside my suggestions and told me that I sounded ridiculous. I did not pursue the topic because that would only end up in a misunderstanding. Then I could no longer keep silent about it so I talked to her for the second time. She then made it abundantly clear that she is now more interested only in companionship.
Now, I feel there is something missing in my life. I feel empty.
Since the start of this school year, my wife has left the education of our son to me. I get to interact with the teacher of my son (an autistic child) often. This has brought some degree of closeness. One time, when her phone conked out, out of good will, I bought her a new one. In her joy, she gave me a hug, which I had not felt from anyone for a long time. When she gave me a kiss on the cheek that grazed my lips, I kissed her back. She knows I am married, but we became closer. No actual sexual intercourse has taken place yet, but it’s just a matter of time.
When I think hard about it, I feel so conflicted. I know that what I am doing can never be right, no matter what the situation. Yet, I cannot deny that she makes me happy. Sometimes I wish I would just drop dead because I don’t know how this will end for me.
RESTLESS SOUL
DEAR RESTLESS SOUL,
I can’t help but be moved by your story. Life has dealt you a card where it puts you in an emotional turmoil. You are married, your wife ignores your feelings and needs, you easily relented discussing your needs to avoid conflict, you have to care for your son on your own in his schooling, and a woman comes into your life, making you feel good about yourself. This is a very bad combination for a married man. You have a commitment, yet this commitment is the block to your happiness.
Innocent as you are, it still puts you in a position where you now have to judge yourself, defend yourself, and restrain yourself or not. It is not easy to not sense your pain. Your experience will definitely give you overwhelming pain.
But I have to stand back and give you an impression of a bigger picture of your situation. You have an autistic child. This may have affected your wife, which made her isolate herself, not only from you but also from your child and a lot of people. Maybe, also, she herself is lonely. Something may have happened in your lives that put an emotional distance between the two of you. There are so many reasons that could have made your wife the way she is right now. It is best to consult with a professional so the two of you can work on your communication issues.
I don’t know what advice to give you when it comes to your feelings for this teacher. But try to answer the following: How important is your wife to you? List down the consequences of deepening your relationship with this teacher. Are you ready to take the consequences of this choice? Are you ready to lose your wife?
These guide questions will help you reach a conclusion. No one has the right to deprive you of happiness. Yet, no one has the right to direct your moral values. But I have an advice about your wanting to “drop dead.” Stop thinking of this. You are a wonderful person. You are sincere and loving. A lot of people would love to know you and learn from you. You should not ignore the possibility that you are important in this world. EPPY
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Email eppygochangco@gmail.com.