‘Should I pursue my relationship with a prostitute?’

DEAR EPPY,

I’m in a relationship with a prostitute.  She joined the sex industry to provide for herself and her kids.  I have seen for myself their life of poverty.  With financial help from me and a few close friends, she is now out of the business and confided that she only wanted to lead a normal life for her children.  I have accepted everything about her past, and have fallen in love not only with her but with her children as well.  She also says that she loves me, but of course, there is no way to find out if that is the truth. 

For the sake of brevity, let’s assume for now that her feelings are true.  My biggest concern is that a family friend knows one of her clients.  So there is no way to hide what she did for a living.  Should we decide to pursue a deeper relationship?  Whatever I decide on, somebody is bound to get hurt.  How do I convince my family that not all prostitutes are the same?  And that for some, it’s literally a matter of life or death?                                          CATCH-22

DEAR CATCH-22,

I don’t know exactly what you mean when you said,  “And that for some, it’s literally a matter of life or death.”  I have always contemplated about the life of prostitutes.  I wonder what makes them perform sexual acts for money.  I do understand though that some prostitutes were forced into sex  by evil men and women.  Of course, we know this as white slavery or human trafficking.  In time, these women have become used to being forced to perform sexual acts.  This situation, for me, is life or death.

There are those who voluntarily perform sexual acts in exchange for money, like your partner.  Their reason is to be able to feed their children or their family.  Of course, the first response of any human being is to feel compassion for these people.  Yet, look around you.  Walk the streets of any city and you will always find a pretty little girl who begs to people inside their cars.  You see pretty young ladies working in a department store or a small cafeteria.

This is where I get to wonder, “These are pretty females.  They can easily get any man hungry for attention.  Yet they prefer to work in a department store or a small cafeteria.  Or even beg in the streets.”  Let us reverse the question:  “What is it that makes these women stay in their menial jobs that would make them work for eight hours or more for a small amount of money?  Why don’t they just sell their bodies and perform sexual acts for a fee that is much higher than what they get in an eight-hour job?”

It is quite obvious that the way they think is what stops them from prostituting themselves.  In their minds, treating their body with respect is more important than receiving a lot of money. 

Some prostitutes have a different mindset.  They are like businessmen.  That is, work short hours but be compensated more.  That is the fastest way to get money.  They see sex as a tool towards a goal. 

I agree that because your partner is human, she feels love for you.  However, it does not mean that loving you means not having sex with others.  Remember, for her, sex is nothing.  You might think that sex must be something sacred.  But for her, it is not.  She has a different mindset.  One time, she will need money.  You will give your opinion about spending too much money.  She may not push it, but her next move may be to call the guy that pays her for sex.    She will go back to you as if nothing happened.  But she loves you.

To summarize, once a woman decides to be a prostitute, a lot will change in her psyche (mind).  She will not be like other women anymore.

I don’t understand your need to make your family believe that, “...not all prostitutes are the same.”    What makes this a must for you to stay with this woman?  Do you want your family’s blessings?  By wanting them to change their view of a prostitute, you are actually forcing your family to think another way.  What makes you want to control their thoughts? 

It is you who should be convinced that your partner may never change and that she may have to have sexual encounters when she needs money or has a problem.  Whether she is this way or not, you should show your parents that you are capable of loving someone even if that person performs sex for money.  You are not a little boy who needs permission to buy a toy.  You are a man strong enough to stand by your decisions and proud of what you have become and who you are able to love.
                                                                               EPPY

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Email eppygochangco@gmail.com.