‘I still love my ex-girlfriend who now has a female lover’

DEAR EPPY,

I broke up with my girlfriend of eight months last May because I found out she has been sleeping with her former lover.  Ironically, now that my girlfriend is my ex, she treats me better than when we were still lovers. She converses with me more and even gives details, honestly — unlike before.

The shoe is now on her present lover’s foot because we meet for sex once a week.  Curiously, though, her lover called her a while ago after we had sex and she admitted that we were together!

Is there a chance for me to win her heart back or is she just playing games?

I really love her up to now.  Our sex keeps getting even better after we broke up.  By the way, my girlfriend’s lover is a female.                

SECRET MALE LOVER

DEAR SECRET MALE LOVER,

Your description of your situation with your ex-girlfriend is quite disturbing.  In psychiatry, people who are dysfunctional are categorized.  Of all the disorders, Philippine law will consider an annulment only if a person has a long-lasting problem that will last till death.  Also, medications prescribed by a psychiatrist will not be able to help any individual suffering from this problem.

Personality disorders are the only disorders that can be considered in Philippine court for an annulment to be granted.  Of course, I cannot diagnose your ex-girlfriend accurately because she is not in front of me.  But she may be a candidate for one of the personality disorders. 

It would benefit you to forget her.  People with certain types of personality disorders are usually charming.  It is so easy to fall in love with them.  That would be the reason why it is so difficult for you to forget your ex-girlfriend.  Being in a relationship with people that have the condition I refer to can be an emotional roller-coaster ride.  These people cannot hold a job and may be prone to abuse of substances, are risk-oriented, and may have sex with both male and female.

I think your dream of “winning her heart back” is a hopeless one.  You will just wear yourself out.  In the end, you might just hurt yourself.  I know of people who tried to relate to people like your ex-girlfriend and ended up in a hospital because they couldn’t handle the emotional turmoil they had to endure to be in a relationship with people like your ex.

But I don’t think your ex-girlfriend is intentionally playing games with you.  She can’t help it.  When she’s with a partner, she will cheat on that partner.  Let’s say she is in a relationship with partner A.  She will reject this partner and will look for someone else, or partner B.  When partner A shows that it will be easy to live without her, she will now run after partner A.  When partner A responds and starts talking to her again, she will reject partner A again.

That’s exactly what’s happening to you and your ex-girlfriend.  If I were you, I wouldn’t gloat that your ex is cheating on her former lover with you.  Her next move is to reject her former lover again and get back to you.  She will tell you both that she was wrong to be in a lesbian relationship and that being in a relationship with a man is the right thing to do (notice this is an emotionless statement).

You are now the happiest man alive, you thought.  One week later, you will be wondering why this girlfriend of yours is missing all the time.  You don’t know her whereabouts all the time.  Actually, she will be with her former lesbain lover.  She would have already told her female partner that she was stupid for even considering going back to you because she didn’t derive pleasurable sex with you.

Find some other girl.  You will learn to forget your ex-girlfriend.                    

EPPY

* * *

Email eppygochangco@gmail.com.