The modern family has been replaced by the postmodern family
DEAR EPPY,
I have been married for 20 years now. I have a wonderful husband and equally wonderful three children. My eldest is a male, now 18 years old, while my youngest is a 15-year-old female. My husband and I believe that loyalty is important and we have taught this to our children. One day, my second child, who is female and now 17 years old, spoke about a friend whose parents are separated and whose marriage has been annulled. Both parents have their own partners already.
It doesn’t stop there. Both partners of their parents have their own children, aside from their own together. They all go on trips together. Meaning, my child’s friend and her two siblings go on trips with both parents, each with their own partners, and their partners’ children. Okay, so I understand from your past articles that you don’t judge.
I’m not judging them either. Here is where I come in. They are inviting my child to go with them on an out-of-town trip. My suspicion is, my child likes this friend of hers (a boy). That is my problem. On top of that, she has to interact with everybody in that group and she will have to see things that she may not see in her lifetime if she doesn’t go with them.
Again, I am not judging, but I am scared that the morals of my child will suffer. I don’t want her to think that it is “okay,” to have that kind of family. It is not acceptable. Should I allow her to go? CONFUSED MOM
DEAR CONFUSED MOM,
Apparently, you are a product of the old school and there is nothing wrong with that. But times have changed. People have changed. The world has changed. Whether we accept it or not, everything has changed and no matter what you make your child do, it doesn’t change that fact. Whether she goes with the family of her friend or not, the world will still change. You can’t stop change, the same way that you can’t stop the rain from falling, the steel from rusting, the dirt in oyster from turning to a pearl, or your child from growing. It will not benefit anyone if you accept or reject change. It will only benefit you.
The article of David Elkins of Psychology Today entitled, “Waah, Why Kids Have a Lot to Cry About,” confirms the concept that the family system has changed. The modern family has now been replaced by the postmodern family. In the postmodern family, nothing is ever the same. If in the past, you have to contend with parents separating. Now, it has so many variations. It is now mom living with another man, dad living with another woman, mom living with another woman, dad living with another man, two parents working, mother working while dad takes care of children and home, child with a mother and a father who was formerly a woman. These are not jokes or fantasies. They are real and are part of current news. Yet, all of them can be considered families.
If you are confident of how you have raised your child, your 15-year-old would have already acquired the values that you would like her to have. However, in the end, only your child will choose the values that she thinks fit her.
You can still try to show her the benefits of your values but not by stopping her from going with her friend. Your child will always talk to this friend of hers even if you stop her. She will find a way to do so. And she will consider the values his family have each time he tells a story about his family. Actually, any other friend can share a story about his or her family.
Every time she talks about her friend, try asking her about what she thinks of her friend’s family. See if she has some apprehensions about it. If so, all you have to do is to follow up on the benefits of having a traditional family. But you must keep in mind that the only way your child will believe that your way is the best way is if you show her that in your way, there will always be love, not hatred, towards another human being.
EPPY
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Email address: eppygochangco@gmail.com
