There’s a male trait and a female trait in everyone

DEAR EPPY, 

Hi!  I enjoy reading your column and appreciate your no-nonsense replies/solutions.  It seems to me that “Lonely Woman” is not satisfied because she didn’t get the answer she was looking for.  I personally find nothing wrong with the husband’s very patient and correct reply to her traffic complaint.  In her statement, “He heard me and responded, but I don’t feel good,” I don’t understand why she can’t appreciate the fact that her husband gave her attention and responded to her. He was actually empathizing with her, sharing his own frustrating experience on the road with our crazy drivers.  

If she had asked for some clarification or continued the thread of the discussion with her husband, maybe she’d have felt better with his other inputs.  But she was the one who chose to end it (not him!).  So many other husbands would have given a dead-end reply.  I’d suggest “Lonely Woman” to find out what her passion in life is because that’s what will add spark to her current (I must add “quite satisfactory”) life or station in life right now —  something not all people are blessed to have.  She might also consider talking to a close friend —  if she doesn’t want to consider a professional (counselor) —  preferably someone whose views she respects/gives credence to.  Otherwise, she won’t be satisfied with the replies (again!) and will, thus, feel doubly dissatisfied. 

My own questions to you are: Is “Lonely Woman” going through a mid-life crisis?  By the way, shouldn’t she count her blessings that they seldom fight —  not that many couples have such “industrial peace”!  And those who fight a lot often just shut out the other person and the relationship doesn’t just become stale, it dies because of apathy and callousness. 

That’s my own two cents worth.    —  GOOD HUSBAND

DEAR GOOD HUSBAND, 

Thank you for your letter and your concern for Lonely Woman. Allow me to say something about Lonely Woman to other readers.  Her problem is, she can’t appreciate what her husband says when he responds to her daily stories.  I recommended professional help for her and her husband so they could communicate better. The article was published in Philippine STAR on Aug. 12. 

Your views are obviously male-oriented. You are interested in cars, sports, guns, fishing and grilling steak.  That is perfectly fine until the time you relate with a woman.  The way I see it, women and men will have difficulty seeing eye to eye for a long time.  Nature has a funny way of creating two people who will end up together.  There is always a female trait and a male trait in everyone.  

Even two men together or two women together will always have combinations that are so conflicted.  Let’s say two women in a relationship.  One will be more female than male in some category while the other will be more male than female in the same category.  That goes the same way with two men in a relationship.  One will be more emotional, while the other is objective.  One likes to fix the home, while the other wants to tinker with the car. 

Apparently, conflict will arise if both individuals in a relationship are from extreme sides of the sex continuum.  For example, a man will say, “Isn’t it enough that I married her?  Can’t she see that I go home on time?  What more does she want?”  While a woman would say, “Just because he goes home on time, he thinks he doesn’t have to do anything else.  He doesn’t think that talking with each other is important.  All he does is sit in front of the TV or play computer games!”

Two people have to learn to listen to each other because there will always be differences.  Therefore, there will always be conflicts.  Lonely Wife isn’t just a brat whining about her supposedly “blessed life” (according to you).  Let me ask you something.  If you had a Toyota, even with its great performance and comfort, would you stop there?  Hell no, you would want a Mercedes Benz, BMW, Audi or a Porsche.  Any man would want one of those.  Wouldn’t you?  Lonely Woman deserves the same.  She deserves better communication with her husband.  Her husband also deserves better communication with her.

Now let’s deal with Lonely Woman’s problem and dissect her story.  When her husband responded with, “Yeah, I know.  Drivers here in the Philippines are so inconsiderate.  One time that happened to me and I wanted to punch the guy in the car.”  It is quite obvious that the wife’s story triggered his distaste towards drivers in the Philippines. 

Lonely Woman’s story was just a representation of what she really wanted to say, precisely why the starting words of, “As usual…”  This gives us a clue that she is starting to realize that her husband doesn’t really know what she feels. 

The typical response of people is, “…so you have a story?  Listen to mine…”  The husband seems to be having a “pissing contest” with his wife.  He was actually outdoing the woes of his wife.  She doesn’t need a pissing contest.  She needs someone to just listen to her.

No, Good Husband, no one should settle for crumbs.  Everyone deserves a good husband and a good wife, and a good relationship.  I suggest you stop expecting people to settle for what’s there because people deserve something better.  You deserve something better, so it’s okay to want something better.

EPPY

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Email eppygochangco@gmail.com.