How to help

Since typhoon Yolanda hit our country and caused devastation to so many towns that cost thousands of lives, there has been a lot of help given by all sorts of groups and organizations.  There has been a tremendous amount of support, most especially from the private sector, to give aid as soon as news spread about the damage that this typhoon has caused.

During my Teleradyo program on DZMM 630 called Kapamilya Konek which airs Sundays 5-6 p.m., we had the chance to speak to Pastor Lea Armas, a grief management counselor who shared with us some simple tips on how to administer help.

So if you are eager to help in times of trouble and in whatever circumstance, you will find this useful and take note of it, so that the help you give will be the help that the people you are reaching out to, really need.

There are three things a person must keep in mind before jumping in to help and these are:

1)  Look. A situation is best to be assessed first in order to understand what is happening and what has caused the trauma or grief to the person or groups of persons.  This helps the person prepare for what approach to take in order to make the help significant.  It includes observation and prepares one to approach the person in need in the right way.

2) Listen. According to Pastor Leo, a person who is grieving or who is in a state of trauma needs to be heard.  If the person, however, refuses to talk, then the one reaching out should also respect that.  He must not “rush” the person to recover as this might even aggravate the hurt that the person is going through.  Instead, the “helper” must take time to listen and ask rather than give quick fix solutions to the problem.  The helper would also be wise to reach out to the person in need, using the language that the one he is helping is most comfortable with.  This will be done through listening intently to the person in need.  Instead of questioning what one is feeling, the person in need should be validated when able to express his feelings.  For example if he is sad, accept that and not tell the person not to be sad.  Instead say, it is okay to be sad.  If one is moved to tears, allow it to flow.

3) Link. If we wish to truly help someone, most of the time this could be done in the form of connecting them with an expert on the area of need of that person.  We must be careful not to try to be the savior of all or we might jeopardize the answer that might solve his or her problem.  Armas reminds us to be careful also with promising the person anything that the helper might not be able to deliver in the hope that this will pacify the person in need.  It is best to say you have heard what he has shared and step back to assess what has been gathered and connect  to the proper person or organization that can best address the problem.

Hope that helps!

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