Giving tips on health and beauty based on my personal experiences does not certify me to give counsel on serious matters such as sex addiction. I receive e-mails and text messages from friends of friends asking me for advice on such matters. They somehow get disappointed when I refer them to psychologists or doctors who can give them the right advice.
It was a cry for help from this young lady and my heart went out to her when she tearfully confided to me how she caught her husband many times over watching porn on Internet sites and spending a big chunk of his income patronizing prostitutes. Is he a sex addict?
Sex addiction in showbiz
The term sex addiction was popularized in the ’90s by big name celebrities who admited that their addiction was the cause of their divorce.
I did not think much of it and thought that it was just a ploy by men who could not stay faithful to their wives or fiancées. Using an addiction as an excuse connotes a sickness that needs to be treated and therefore should not be condemned or frowned upon. Remember the Hugh Grant scandal in 1995, when he was caught in a sex act with a prostitute in a car on Hollywood Blvd.? Grant publicly apologized for his shabby deed in talk shows and to his gorgeous fiancée Elizabeth Hurley. The fact that they broke up soon after proved that she did not exactly forgive him.
Michael Douglas also confessed that he had a sex addiction and supposedly entered sex rehab in 1993. His first divorce was rumored to be caused by his infidelities due to sex addiction. There are reports that state his pre-nup with Catherine Zeta Jones contains a $5-million penalty for any infidelity.
Tiger Woods, Russel Brand, Kanye West, and Bill Murray are allegedly those who came out in the open about their sex addictions.
Because of this young lady’s cry for help, I got very curious about sex addiction and decided to read about it. It is, indeed, a very serious problem, but there is a debate among psychologists about whether it is truly an addiction and that it’s not even all about sex.
A research psychologist on human behavior in UCLA, Rory Reid, Phd, says “it is no more about sex than an eating disorder is about food or pathological gambling is about money.â€
In short, sex addicts are not simply people who crave lots of sex. There is an underlying problem that drives them to their often risky sexual behavior. Problems like stress, anxiety, depression, shame, feelings of abandonment, loneliness. Reid and many experts prefer the term “hypersexual disorder†rather than sex addiction.
People with this disorder keep engaging in sexual behaviors that are damaging them or their families — like men who surf the web for porn in the workplace despite warnings that they could lose their jobs, husbands who can hardly support their families because most of their income goes to hiring sexual partners, men who get sick of STD and pass it on to their wives.
Their behavior puts them at so much risk in their personal lives, their social standing, their jobs, but they don’t stop what they are doing. Reid says, “Frequently, a crisis convinces them to seek treatment.â€
They are caught in the act by a spouse, fired from their job, or arrested for soliciting sex from prostitutes. For some people, the crisis brings relief from distress caused by their behavior and constant fear of being discovered.â€
Studies suggest that sex addiction is more common in men, gay men in particular, than in women.
Treating hypersexual disorder
SA or HD should be treated the way other addictions are treated: With one-on-one counseling, support groups, and having a plan.
Certified addiction counselor, Menninger Clinic Houston John O’Neill says, “You want to make connections with other people who are also struggling, and you have to know who you are going to call, what you are going to do, and how you are going to attend to your feelings. If they are willing to work with their families, and support networks, they can get better and stay in recovery.“
Actor and comedian Russell Brand has kicked drugs, alcohol, and sex addiction with the help of yoga and has credited his instructor Ty Kau with helping him maintain sobriety and peace of mind.
He chose the integrative and holistic approach to his recovery. He says that the body, as well as the mind and spirit, is treated with yoga. The mind and spirit are calmed by meditation and breathing practices, and the body is developed through the various poses.
With these words from Brand, I am inclined to recommend my yoga teacher Monique Borja, co-founder of Bliss Yoga (Monique@blissyogamanila.com-tel. tel. no. 720-8696) to the husband of this young lady.
Perhaps counseling and yoga can help him kick his addiction and make him a more responsible husband and father.
— Sources: Rory Reid, research psychologist, Journal of Sexual Medicine, Nov. 2012
John O’Neill certified addiction counselor, Menninger Clinic, Houston