Women’s Month is for men, too
As we near the end of International Women’s Month, I couldn’t help but notice how many men felt left out during this month’s celebration. This was especially noticeable last March 8 when women greeted and affirmed each other about what a special privilege it is to be a woman.
While it is important for women to be a source of strength to each other, I believe men will also benefit when they reconsider the ways of how they view and treat the women of their lives.
When we talk about women’s rights, we usually talk about the ideals and principles of feminism. As a former teacher, I had this very unique experience of having to teach feminism to a class of growing men in an all-boys school. As you could imagine, it was a daunting challenge.
Luckily for us, there is a literary masterpiece in Lualhati Bautista’s Dekada ’70 that helped our teen-age boys understand the importance of learning about the plight of women and their struggle for freedom and fulfillment in a man’s world.
Many people think Dekada ’70 deals mainly with the fight against Martial Law. While Dekada ’70 does tackle that pivotal moment of our history, many people who have read the novel or watched the movie are not able to appreciate how Lualhati Bautista was able to unify the personal struggle for a mother’s recognition as a person to that of awakening to a greater freedom that must be demanded from society. The novel’s protagonist, Amanda, is a stereotypical, submissive housewife who gradually challenged the limiting and demeaning role handed to her by a patriarchal society. Through her children and their wives, Amanda was able to learn how freedom and dignity are inherent in each person, even in a housewife like her. It is only by undergoing this personal awakening that she can begin to realize the importance of joining the fight against the dictatorship. The text’s message is clear: Before people fight for freedom, they must first demand for the right to be free in their own personal lives, that is in the contexts of their families. We cannot expect people to move against societal oppression and injustice if their daily lives consist of subordination in their own household.
When I asked one of my brightest students about his most important insight from the novel, I was pleasantly surprised at his answer. He said he was inspired by the life of Amanda. He explained that mothers like Amanda were common especially in very traditional Chinese families. In their house, my student narrated how he never saw his mother have an intimate, meaningful conversation with his father. She was merely expected to serve and do her role as a housewife, specifically by housekeeping and supervising the education of the children.
When I asked him how the novel changed his life, he said he is now deeply grateful for the love of his mother. When before he just took these for granted, now he realizes how his mother’s life completely revolved around the dreams of her husband and children. He told me how he now tries to nudge his mother to enjoy her own life and pursue her hobbies and interests. He tells me if only he could, he would tell his mother how it’s time for her to pursue her own dreams as he is now capable of taking care of his own.
It was then when I fully realized that the discussion of women’s rights is not just for women, but for men, too. More than the knowledge of the imperative to treat women as equals is the experience of being able to respect the freedom of women to build their own lives. Because once men respect this freedom, their relationship with the opposite gender improves. They don’t see women as domineering mothers or servile wives, they see them as genuine companions in life who can offer unique perspectives and insights. Come to think of it, that’s what our faith teaches us with regard to why God created men and women, because the two were meant to live in relationship with each other. Being in a traditional patriarchal relationship defeats the purpose of a male-female relationship as it merely equates marriage with a division of labor and duties between man and woman. Relationships are repaired when women are treated as companions, not as servants or sex objects.
The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Understanding this profound proverb should be enough to make us realize that a society of empowered women benefits not just womankind but humanity as a whole. Indeed, this month should be a reminder for all men that in order to experience the fullness of humanity, women must be given their proper place in society not just for a month but all year long.
