Dear Eppy,
I’ve been married for six years now. I am 30 years old and confused about a woman I know. She is much older than I am. She works in another office in the building at my workplace. Once in a while, we would have coffee and talk. I would share a lot of things about my life and she would willingly listen. I see her like a mom to me.
A few weeks ago, as I was on official business for work out of town, I was surprised to find her in the hotel where I was supposed to conduct my business in. She invited me for dinner that night. Since I had nothing to do and I didn’t know who else to talk to, I accepted her invitation.
After dinner she invited me to her room for coffee. Again, I accepted her invitation. As usual, we talked about life. But after a while, we started talking about sex. During our conversation, she excused herself and went to the bathroom. When she came back, I noticed that her pants were open. She commented on the weather and said it was too hot and she’d like to take a shower. She invited me to take a shower because of the heat. I asked her if we would go beyond taking a shower. She did not respond. Instead, she said she knew I didn’t have any interest in her because of her age and she felt safe with me. She didn’t know I really wanted her.
I told her I was being aroused by what she was doing. She didn’t say anything. I went close to her and whispered that if she wanted it, she should just tell me because I wanted it, too. I told her I was scared that she might be upset if I just acted on what I was feeling for her. She said she wanted it, but she was scared that she might fall in love with me. That night, we hugged and touched each other. We had oral sex but no intercourse. The next day, we parted ways. It was just a simple goodbye.
Eppy, am I living a fantasy? Will this happen again? Am I doing her a favor?
YOUNG LOVE
DEAR YOUNG LOVE,
You have reached a point in your life where you feel a lull, your everyday experiences are the same, and your relationship with your wife is not as exciting as it was before. The woman you refer to is the excitement you need to make you feel alive again. It is interesting that you think you are doing this woman a favor. A series of sexual encounters does not end there. One way or another, both of you would want more. This woman has already verbalized that she fears falling in love with you. Even now, she could already have fallen in love with you.
Doing her a favor means making her feel good about herself and about her relationship with you. Being married will make it difficult for you to give this woman attention, which she needs from a partner. She will be expecting more time from you later. The only favor you are giving her at the moment is providing her sexual pleasure and excitement.
Have you heard of the seven-year itch? The seven-year itch is a phenomenon that some people go through. On the seventh year after getting married (or close to that time), the couple divorces, gets an annulment, or separates. Examples of celebrities who ended their marriage after seven years are actors Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe, race car driver Danica Patrick and physical therapist Paul Edward Hospenthal, actors Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, writer Michelle Lee and director Jason Reitman, to name a few.
You’ve been married for six years now. Next year is your seventh year. This is the reason why other women become a temptation for you. Today, your wife is not as interesting to you as she was before. Maybe you feel that you are better off without her. There must be a reason why you married your wife. These reasons are the same reasons why you’d like to make an effort to stick it out a bit with her. I’m guessing you have children. One mistake will make a lot of people unhappy.
I suggest for you not to put yourself in a situation where you will be torn between two women. You might just be going through a phase of being in a lull and excitement is what you yearn for. Try a new sport or a new hobby instead. Do something about your relationship with your wife so you will feel better about yourself and your relationship with her. After a while, the seven-year itch will go away. EPPY
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Is it midlife crisis or Dysthymic Disorder?
DEAR EPPY,
I want to know your opinion on this. I am a spinster aging toward my 30s. Past the age of 24, I don’t know why, but it seemed as though midlife crisis took over my life and made it bad.
Many times, I would feel a sense of bitterness. I have never stayed in one job over a year or two and my social life is next to non-existent. I wonder what made midlife crises happen so soon. Is midlife crisis worse for spinsters than married people? It is not easy for me to fit in with any group. Maybe others alienate me.
Thoughts of being too old and being alienated cross my mind. I am jealous of older people who enjoy their life or age. Please tell me ways to win over my worsening midlife crises.
You’re too young to experience midlife crisis. Usually, midlife crisis starts at the age of 40 years old. The symptoms you mention sound like what psychiatrists and clinical psychologists would call Dysthymic Disorder. This disorder is something that is recurring or is a condition that has been there for a long time. The disorder can be identified by the following characteristics: irritability, withdrawal from society, lack of productivity, and feelings of inadequacy.
Notice the similarity to your complaints. You could not hold a job, which refers to lack of productivity. You have a negative perception of your age, which refers to feelings of inadequacy. You have difficulty fitting in any group and your social life is next to non-existent, which refers to withdrawal from society. I would think that your bitterness refers to irritability and anger.
It’s best to consult a professional (psychiatrist or clinical psychologist). They can say for sure if you have the condition of Dysthymic Disorder or not. EPPY
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E-mail address: eppygochangco@gmail.com