Anatomy of gift-giving
Should we still give gifts on Christmas?
From a religious standpoint, the tradition of gift-giving during the Yuletide season can be traced to the very first Christmas when the Three Kings brought gifts of frankincense, gold, and myrrh to the Baby Jesus. But given the overcommercialization of Christmas and the fact that it’s not really even our own birthdays (well, at least for perhaps 99.7% of the world’s population), why do we still persist in giving Christmas presents to each other? Now, by simply asking this question, some readers out there might start accusing me of being a Mr. Scrooge or of trying to steal the joy out of Christmas like the Grinch. Yet amid the hustle and bustle of our holiday shopping, have we really paused for a moment to think of why we’re really doing it? Or for that matter, why gift-giving is such an important social custom to all of us? Christmas is the mother of all gift-giving occasions because it is the one time when everyone is supposed to give and receive presents at the same time. It is, however, not the only time for gifts. We engage in it practically the whole year round. The calendar is full of other gift-giving holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day. Then there are the personal milestones like birthdays, baptisms, graduations, and marriages. Sometimes, we give goodies even when there is no occasion at all. Why indeed do we have such a penchant for gift-giving?
The subject of gift-giving has long been studied by psychologists, anthropologists, and economists. It has existed throughout the history of man and scholars have wondered where and why it all began. Some anthropologists amusingly suggest that it all started because of sex. The cavemen who gave the best gifts had the most reproductive success with the cavewomen. If that’s the case, then perhaps we have not really evolved very much after all. Be that as it may, psychologists say that there are no simple answers and that gift-giving involves complex psychological and social factors.
First of all, scientists believe that the origins of giving are deeply rooted in our brain’s circuitry. Giving apparently “activates that part of the brain typically associated with receiving rewards.” In that sense, giving gifts really does make us happy. Moreover, it is truly better to give than to receive. This is so because in the gift-giving process, it is more often the giver (rather than the receiver) who gains the greatest psychological return. Some have referred to the internal satisfaction that givers experience as the “warm glow” or the “helper’s high.” It is “a physical sensation that increases feelings of self-worth and makes people want to give again.” To stress the point, one writer cites a seemingly frivolous study involving pet owners gifting their pets. The research concluded that the owner’s motivation to give was purely from “the desire to bring happiness to the animals and provide comfort and affection.” Since a dog or cat cannot shop, there is no element of anticipated reciprocity. The pet owner’s act was done for the simple joy of giving.
From a purely practical sense, it would seem that the best gift people could give is money. After all, we know more than anyone else what we want. Does it not make sense then for others to simply give us cash and let us do the choosing? But with some notable exceptions (ex. parents/grandparents to their children/grandchildren), giving out wads of money can be considered quite tacky. It might also be received as cold and impersonal. This is because gift-giving is also a means of creating or reinforcing emotional bonds between people. Many people spend a lot of time searching for that perfect gift that would best communicate the kind of relationship they believe exists (or want to exist) between themselves and the receiver and to show that they really know the other party. Well-chosen gifts are therefore appreciated regardless of their cost since what is important is the message that they deliver.
There is, of course, also a dark side to giving. In some cases, gifts are actually bribes masquerading as presents. Overcommercialization can cheapen the practice to the extent that it all just becomes a meaningless ritual. It could also result in overindulgence and spoiled brats, overdependence, and mendicants, and in financial and psychological distress when people feel obligated to reciprocate with gifts of equal or more value. And even when you have the best intentions, choosing the “wrong” gift could still damage the relationship of the giver and receiver. Indeed, giving gifts could be an “emotional minefield.”
I personally prefer not to tie gift-giving to specific occasions. I would rather give presents as the right opportunity arises. I also think that we should not give gifts to the entire barangay and that we should limit our scope except for charity. But that’s just me. The bottom line, however, is that giving in whatever shape or form is part of who we are. In the end, we should also do more of it than less. God knows there’s not enough giving in the world. And so, yes, Virginia, I believe that we should still give gifts on Christmas. We should not deny the Santa that lives in all of us.
Merry Christmas to all and happy gift-giving to everyone! Ho, ho, ho, ho!
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Acknowledgements: The psychology behind giving and receiving by Diana Clement; Unraveling the mystery of why we give or don’t by Judy Keen; and Why do we give gifts? by Marc D.
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