The godfather

My seven year-old nephew looked into the car’s rear-view mirror and worriedly asked, “Is there still black around my mouth?” I answered that his face was clean but smilingly suggested that he also check inside his mouth. He quickly replied that he drank water already and stuck out his tongue for me to check. He and his younger brother then passed their incriminating trash to me which I disposed of in a nondescript dumpster about a kilometer before we reached their house. I had picked them up from school that day and they were both concerned that the ice cream treat that I had just given them was not authorized by their mother. What if we’re found out, they worried. “But I’m your ninong (godfather),” I reasoned to the older one, “…and so I’m perfectly within my rights to get you some sweets from time to time.” Besides, I told them, we can always try to charm our way out of trouble by singing that old Engelbert Humperdinck tune we had previously planned to serenade the police with should we get caught speeding along Commonwealth Avenue. The three of us burst into laughter as we crooned… “P(o)lease release me, let me go. I promise not to do it anymore. …Release me, my darling, let me go!” 

After all the jokes, however, I did tell my inaanak (godchild) to just tell the truth if he was asked whether we made any unauthorized side trips on our way home from school. While one of the biggest joys of being a godfather is the opportunity to spoil really cute kids without any guilt, I do think that it is an important role that we should all take seriously. The origin of godparents has, in fact, a distinctly religious nature. As infant baptism became an accepted ceremony in early Christianity, adults were asked to act as sponsors of the child and recite the confession of faith. At first, it was the biological parents of the child who also filled this role. Over time, however, parents were replaced by other individuals. By the Middle Ages, the Catholic Church actually prohibited natural parents from acting as godparents to their own children (a practice that continues up to today). Traditionally, the primary role given to godparents, apart from acting as witnesses in the child’s christening, is to ensure the child’s religious education. They are also expected to help care for the child should he or she be orphaned. Being selected as a godparent is, therefore, quite a big honor. However, it also comes with very real and important responsibilities. Unfortunately, some people nowadays take the role of godparent for granted, have no clue on how to be a good godparent, or have even corrupted the otherwise noble concept. Indeed, some godparents are now selected primarily on the basis of their social prestige or their ability to provide gifts on birthdays, Christmas, and other similar occasions. I confess that I myself have failed to live up to my responsibilities with some of my godchildren and so am now very careful in accepting invitations to be a godfather. 

In the Guide to Being a Great Godfather, Brett & Kate McKay suggest that in order to be a good godfather, you must first make sure that you can provide what the child’s parents expect from you. For example, do they want you to be the child’s spiritual guide or just be more of an all-around mentor? How much time do they expect you to spend with their child? If you believe that you cannot provide the child with what is expected from you, then perhaps it would be better to tactfully refuse the invitation. If you, however, accept the role of godfather, then you must exert all efforts to truly be a part of the life of your godchild. This does not mean just remembering them on their birthdays or on Christmas. Godfathers must spend real time with their godchildren. If this is not possible due to distance, then alternative means of keeping contact must be pursued such as letters, phone calls, or even e-mail. The McKays also say that one of the best things that we can do to be a good godfather is to be a mentor to our godchild. First and foremost, this means to always try to be a good example to them. And perhaps in between all the jokes and fun stuff that we share with them, we can also pass on some advice and wisdom from time to time.

After dinner the other night, my sister-in-law winked at me and then asked her son if we had gone anywhere else on the way home from school the previous day. He glanced at my direction and replied that I had taken them to the station to load up on gas. Did you do anything else there, she continued. My inaanak hesitated for a split second and then proceeded to spill the beans. I offered them ice cream, he said, and so they had “no choice” but to accept. I beamed with pride that he told the truth. Besides, he was right. In the immortal words of Marlon Brando as Don Vito Corleone, the Godfather, “I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse!”

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