Seniors and sex

A  study of sex and seniors in the US last year found that many older people are surprisingly frisky — willing to do, and talk about, intimate acts that would make their grandchildren blush. The federally funded study by respected scientists, published in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine,  was the most comprehensive sex survey ever done among 57- to 85-year-old men and women. It had a remarkable 75-percent response rate. It certainly overturned some stereotypical notions that physical pleasure is just a young person’s game.

“Most people assume that people stop doing it after some vague age,” said sex researcher Edward Laumann of the University of Chicago. However, more than a quarter of those up to 85 report having sex in the previous year. More than half of those aged 57 to 75 said they gave or received oral sex, as did about a third of 75- to 85-year-olds. “Bravo that the New England Journal of Medicine is publishing something like that. It’s about time,” said Ruth Westheimer, better known as sexpert Dr. Ruth, who has long counseled seniors on sex.

The survey involved two-hour face-to-face interviews with 3,005 men and women around the country. Researchers also took blood, saliva, and other samples that will tell about hormone levels, sex-related infections, and other health issues in future reports. They even tested how well seniors could see, taste, hear, and smell — things that affect being able to have and enjoy sex.

Sex with a partner in the previous year was reported by 70 percent of people aged 57 to 64; 53 percent of those ages 64 to 75; and 26 percent of people 75 to 85. Of those who were active, most said they did it two or three times a month or more. Women at all ages were less likely to be sexually active than men. But they also lacked partners — far more were widowed.

People whose health was excellent or very good were nearly twice as likely to be active as those in poor or fair health. Half of the people having sex reported at least one related problem. Most common in men was erection trouble (37 percent); in women, low desire (43 percent), vaginal dryness (39 percent), and inability to have orgasm (34 percent). One out of seven men used Viagra or other substances to improve sex. Only 22 percent of women and 38 percent of men had discussed sex with a doctor since age 50.

Redefining Aging

Three trends — longer life expectancy, early retirement, and better health — are stretching the time between retirement and old age. These trends are redefining our image of aging for the millions of people older than age 65. If you are in your 60s or 70s, you are probably more active and healthy than your parents were at a similar age. Some people are retiring earlier. This opens a whole new segment in your life. Like everyone of every age, you probably want to continue sharing your life with others in fulfilling relationships. And, you may want to continue to include sex in an intimate relationship with your spouse.

The widespread perception persists that older people are not sexually active. Try to remember the last time the media portrayed two seniors in a passionate embrace. (The only one I remember in recent time is that of Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give.)  In our society, sex is considered the exclusive territory of the young. As the study showed, this is a myth.

The reality is that many older people enjoy an active sex life that sometimes, is even better than their sex life in early adulthood. The idea that your sexual drive dissolves sometime after middle age is nonsense. It’s comparable to thinking your ability to enjoy good food or beautiful scenery would also disappear at a certain point.

Sex Tips

Once you’ve reshaped your idea of what society should expect of you, you’re faced with the sometimes more worrisome obstacle of what you can expect of yourself. How do age, health, and illness affect sex? Here are some practical tips:

Health and sexuality. Sex, like walking doesn’t require the stamina of a marathoner. It does require reasonably good health. Here are some guidelines:

• Use it or lose it. Though the reason is unclear, prolonged abstinence from sex can cause impotence. Women who are sexually active after menopause have better vaginal lubrication and elasticity of vaginal tissues.

• Eat healthfully. Follow a balanced, low-fat diet and exercise regularly. Fitness enhances your self-image.

• Don’t smoke. Men who smoke heavily are more likely to be impotent than men who don’t smoke. Smokers are at an increased risk of hardening of the arteries, which can cause impotence. Similar studies for women are needed.

• Control your weight. Moderate weight loss can sometimes reverse impotence.

• Limit alcohol. Chronic alcohol and drug abuse cause psychological and neurological problems related to impotence.

• Moderate coffee drinking may keep sex perking. One study reported that elderly people who drink at least one cup of coffee a day were more likely to be sexually active than those who didn’t. The reason for this association is unknown; further studies are needed.

• Protect yourself against AIDS and other STDs. The best protection against AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases is a long-standing, monogamous relationship.

Sex and illness.  Changes in your body due to illness or injury can affect your physical response to sex. They also can affect your self-image and ultimately limit your interest in sex. Here are tips to maintain confidence in your sexuality.

• Know what to expect. Talk with your doctor about the usual effects your treatment has on sexual function.

• Talk about sex. If you feel weak or tired and want your partner to take a more active role, say so. If some part of your body is sore, guide your mate’s caresses to create pleasure and avoid pain.

• Plan for sex.  Find a time when you’re rested and relaxed. Taking a warm bath first or having sex in the morning may help. If you take a pain reliever, such as for arthritis, time the dose so that its effect will occur during sexual activity.

• Prepare with exercise. If you have arthritis or another disability, ask your doctor for range of motion exercises to help your joints before sex.

• Find pleasure in touch. It’s a good alternative to sexual intercourse. Touching can simply mean holding each other. Men and women can sometimes get sexual satisfaction with the right kind of touching.

Tips for tender time

If you’re reasonably healthy, you can keep satisfying sex a part of your life. As comedian George Burns once said, “It just takes longer.” If you’re a man, you may need more stimulation. As a woman, you may need artificial lubricant. Here are some tips:

• Get in the mood. Your body may not respond spontaneously to things that used to excite you. Setting the mood may matter more. Consider a romantic, candlelight dinner, a movie or an evening of dancing in your plans.

• Plan for privacy. There’s nothing more shattering to romance than hearing visiting children or grandchildren fixing a midnight snack.

• Plan around fatigue. Try having sex first thing in the day or afternoon.

• Eliminate the guesswork. Tell your partner what you like most and don’t like about your sexual activity.

• Try something new. For example, you and your spouse can take turns giving each other gentle massage. This technique may be new to you, but they can be satisfying and can bring you and your spouse even closer together.

Intimacy Is Ageless

Actually, many people discover that late-life sexuality survives in an increased diversity of expression, sometimes slow, tender, and affectionate, and sometimes more intense and spontaneous.

Age brings changes at 70 just as it does at 17. But you never outgrow your need for intimate love and affection. Whether you seek intimacy through non-sexual touching and companionship or through sexual activity, you will reap the reward of sharing your life with someone you care for and love.

The need for intimacy is ageless!